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A Letter to Jesus

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Robert B. Jordan
Resident Grouch

Dear Jesus,
How you doing? I hope this finds you well. Mimi and I are getting by best we can, in spite of all the physical miseries old age brings. All our family members are in good shape, not 100%, but who is?

I’m writing to solicit your help in clarifying a few things that are bothering me; hopefully you can find the time to respond.

There are those that don’t believe you ever existed. Then, there are others who believe you did. And there are a few that think maybe you did, but don’t know for sure because there is very little evidence of your existence, except for the bible thing, which is filled with errors, and contradictions. Your actual birth date is a mystery because no one knows for sure. The year, month, and date are all lost to history, so there are many opinions, and controversies. There are differing theories about why December 25th was picked. I guess we are free to believe what we will about the date, depending on which theory one embraces. So, when were you born?

It is said that one day you will return to earth. I wish you’d get with it. What’s the hold up? It’s been over 2000 years you know. Oh wait, if you never existed in the first place, how could you exist now and come back? Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. Well anyway let’s assume for the moment you did exist so I can continue with this letter.

We need to get some things straightened out and clarified; you are the only one that can do it. For instance, a virgin birth, and rising up from the dead and ascending into heaven! Tell us the truth. Did those things really happen or were they the product of someone’s imagination? There are so many contradictions, and unbelievable events in what we’ve been led to believe. It sure would help if you could clarify, when you have time. Those two things are hard to believe and accept.

I understand all this bible business began in 1400 BC with the Hebrew Old Testament, is that correct? I also understand that’s about the same time the 10 Commandments were given to Moses. It is said that there were many prophecies written centuries before your birth that actually came true. One thing that lends to the feelings of doubt is that the bible was written over a 1500-year period by 40 different authors. How did all the facts spanning that period be accurate. Some scholars say that to believe the bible one must ignore facts of science and history and just proceed on “blind faith.” There have been some very bad things happen to some folks who followed blindly.

Those bible authors had a hit though. The bible has sold over 5 billion copies over the years and currently sells 100 million copies annually. However, I’m saddenedl at what pain and misery it has caused. I mean did you really intend to have thousands upon thousands of people killed in the name of Christianity. Many that believed were killed by those that didn’t believe or believed in something different. And, many that didn’t believe or believed in something different were killed by those that did believe. Very confusing – I don’ think that’s what you had in mind, was it? And burning heretics alive at the stake was a pretty gruesome punishment.

What about all the various interpretations of what you taught, and how to worship? The Catholics have their version; the Baptists have several, as do the Methodists, not to mention the Lutherans, and all the other interpretations. It just seems to me that if in fact you did live, preach and teach, there should be just one true version. Doesn’t that make sense? I suppose it’s more lucrative for those that have created different interpretations – getting their piece of the pie, as it were. Religion is a big business, but I guess you know that.

How about the Hindus and the Buddhists and the Muslims, etc? Do you like any of those writings, and/or teachings?

Now, this may sound harsh, but your father did a really lousy job of creating us. That is if that’s really how we got here. What was he thinking? Is it true that he created us in his image? If so, I’m not at all impressed with his image. I lean more towards man created him in our image. I just can’t buy into him ripping a rib out of Adam and creating Eve.

Your father doesn’t really exist, does he? Those old guys made him up, didn’t they? Was it to help sell more bibles? The modern-day fiction and science fiction writers can’t hold a candle to all those old bible authors.

Speaking of Adam and Eve, the first and only people, how did their sons find their wives? Where did those women come from?

If your father actually exists, can you maybe explain to me why he allows things like the Aurora theater shooting, all the school shootings, the almost daily mass shootings, the atrocities over the centuries in Africa and Eastern Europe, genocide, Stalin and Hitler, Charlie Manson, Ted Bundy, John Gilbert Graham? How about little kids dying of awful sicknesses? Recently here in my town a fifth-grade boy was killed by a hit and run driver, why? How about the gassing of those people in Syria? Recently an Oklahoma politician named George Faught said that rape and incest are the will of God. That can’t be, can it?

Before you answer, I must caution you that I cannot accept things like “God works in mysterious ways,” or “God needed that 5th grade boy to come to him,” or “Don’t take the bible literally.” Excuse my language, but that’s poppycock! Those are just copouts because folks have no answers, they don’t know. I think your father has a bad attitude Jesus. Sorry I just had to say that.

Are you beginning to see why I’m confused, and frustrated, and just a little angry? Religious people have it so easy by just passing things off on you, and your father. Honestly, I don’t think that is at all how it works. We mortals are rational animals that live and die as a result of just being animals. We get sick, we get injured, and we eventually die, and that will continue unless some power hungry, demented person (created in His image) destroys us all.

And that begs the question: Why can’t we learn from history? Why weren’t we given the ability to look at past blunders, and not repeat them?

It seems strange to me when someone asks for prayers to help heal someone who is sick, or injured, or dead. Where were you and/or your father when they got sick, or got injured, or died? Since you allowed it to happen, why would praying to you after the fact help?

Like I said earlier, if you are coming back, please do it soon. We are so messed up down here. That bible has created so much misery and confusion in the world. You could straighten things out by coming on down and telling us the truth about your life, and what you believed, and taught. But alas, I fear you never existed because if you did, and your father was real, you guys wouldn’t let all this horrible stuff go on day after day, year after year, would you?

I guess we’ll just have to muddle along, rational animals that we are. Our only hope is that we’ll become more and more rational, if in fact we survive what those old men created with that bible thing and survive each other.

Nice talking with you, hope to hear back soon.

Robert B. Jordan
Resident Grump

PS: Is it okay with you if I share your response with other people?
“There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.”
George Bernard Shaw

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