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A Letter To All Misfits

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“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

— Rob Siltanen

A Letter to All Misfits ~

Dear everyone,

Jen Turano once wrote: I've always felt that misfits are far more interesting than normal folks. That might be true. Then again, are the misfits really the abnormal ones, or are we all normal, just different, as people should be?

With such thoughts running through my head, I write to you an unconventional letter, with great hope that you will take five minutes to read it, and with even greater hope that you'll find comfort and meaning in reading the words that are yet to come. At the end of this somewhat unusual scripture, I will add a little request for you all, so if you feel like doing something different, do continue to read. I promise I won't ruin your day. Or, at least I hope so rather than promise.

This time, I won't talk about violence, mental illnesses, discrimination, injustice, and other things in a way you're used to seeing on my profile. We all lived to see and feel a lot of it, but all I'll do right now is remind you that you're not to blame for any of it, and you most certainly are NOT alone. This time, I would like to focus on something slightly different, as I feel no one talks about it a lot, or maybe even at all. I've never seen someone writing about this, but if you did, forgive me for doing the same thing. Anyways, without further delay, let's get to the point before I bore you to death.

Art credit: Jess Wright

Art credit: Jess Wright

I spent more than two decades of my life speaking only about my flaws, for I felt people are sensitive to hearing anything else. And so, I was trying to make them feel better about themselves, talking about how I'm not really that great, enhancing all negative things about my personality, diminishing the virtues. Whenever they told me they feel threatened because of my personality or my success, whenever they told me they feel bad about themselves while comparing to me, I would tell them how I'm ruthless, stubborn, too proud for my own good, and a time bomb full of rage always ready to explode. All in order to make them realize that they shouldn't compare or feel threatened by anyone since we're all full of flaws and virtues, and we're all each other's equals. I deeply felt, and I still deeply feel one simple truth. This world is not a competition for us to see who is "better" and who is "worse"; we're here to have the time of our lives, or to try the best we can, aren't we?

First of all, I'd like to let you know that it's really okay to be flawed, and please, don't let anyone tell you it's not. Don't let anyone tell you, ever again, that you're a bad person because you're flawed. As I've read in the Harry Potter series, It matters not what someone is born but what they grow to be. It's more than okay to be flawed, we're all human, and we might never be perfect, and that is normal. Everyone is flawed, and that's okay. That's exactly what makes us human. Try to forgive yourself for your flaws, and don't think that it's necessary to hate yourself for having them. Love yourself despite your flaws, or maybe even because of them. You ALL deserve to be LOVED, not hated, no matter what.

Art credit: Jim Warren

Art credit: Jim Warren

Anyways, I kept telling people every flaw, reducing all the virtues and all the good things that I did or had within me. And they felt good about themselves for being so much better than me, yet they were still often telling me that they feel threatened by me, like they can't match me. Friends and some family members even left me for that. That's because one can never satisfy the crowd, nor should we strive to do it. All that we're going to accomplish while struggling to please the crowd, is to feel drained and insufficient.

So, I'd like you to remember, should this thing ever happen to you, that it's NOT your fault. You are who you are, beautiful and priceless in your own way, and if someone feels threatened or disgusted or angry at you because of that, that speaks a whole lot more about them than about you. If someone hates you because you have specific interests, or if you're successful or less successful, that says a lot about that certain someone and nothing about you. If a person hates you for being a part of the LGBTQ+ community, that says a lot about that person, and nothing about you, because you really did nothing wrong. If they make you feel bad about yourself for not having or wanting kids, or for having ten kids, that says a lot about them, and still, nothing about you. If someone hates people who have a specific color of skin or gender, that also says a lot about that person, and nothing about mentioned people because they did nothing wrong. If someone hates you for living in a certain country, that does say a lot about them and nothing about you. If someone insults you and hates you and makes you feel bad about yourself because of your appearance, your religion, your mental illness, your anatomy or physiology, things you like, things you are, anything at all, that's not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty about it! The fault is theirs, and they're the ones who should feel bad about it.

The truth is, human beings tend to project their own thoughts and beliefs onto other people, and that's how they try to feel good about themselves. And THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR, nor should you hate the amazing person you are because of it. You do you, and people who matter will see you as you are, and love you exactly as you are.

I was always a giver, and people I came across during my lifetime used to take everything from me and leave me in the dust, never giving me anything in return. That's one more thing I'd like for you to remember. It's okay to give to others, but it's okay to give to yourself as well! It's necessary, even. You are worthy enough to give yourself love and respect, and your own attention! So try to be kind to yourself, and not too harsh. Why not? We show kindness to others, so why can't we do it to ourselves?

With that being said, I'd like you to remember something else. It matters not what people say about you, the only thing that matters is what you have to say about yourself. There's only one person you have to prove yourself to: and the person bears your name. If you feel like you don't like something about yourself, try to work that out and improve it OR accept it, don't scold yourself because of it – always be KIND TO YOURSELF, please, because you're worthy of that. There are people out there who care about you, I care about you, but try to care about yourself as well.

As I've said, it's okay to have flaws, but it's also okay to have virtues! Why do we always focus on everything that's "wrong" with us? There is so much more to you than flaws! We're all amazing in our own way. So I'd like you to think about this, and then share with the world, in the comments, with your friend, with yourself, one or more things you like about you, or something you think it's good about you, or something that makes you special. What are you good at, what personality trait you like, what physical trait you like? Anything at all!

If you feel like there's nothing you could like about yourself, and I know some of you might think that - I guarantee you that's not true. If you struggle with this, ask someone close to you for help, and they will surely point out a thing you never even thought about.

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Art credit:

Take care of yourselves. Like I said more than once in this letter, you deserve this, and all the best things in the world. One more thing for the end. You're actually making me so proud of you because you exist in this world, because you fight, because you try. Maybe we don't know each other personally, but I am proud to exist in this world at the same time you exist. I love you, and I'm proud of you, and things will get better.

Bye for now.

Loads of love, kisses, and hugs for you all.

Truly yours,

© 2021 Ivana Divac

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