Lindsay is a humor writer who loves coming up with strange and thought provoking articles and content.
I’m starving. I can feel my stomach eating itself. Does that actually happen? I think I may be over-dramatizing this thing. I’m not actually hungry either, my body just wants sugar. My body needs the sugar! I am currently on a sugar detox wherein I am starving myself of the delicious refined sugar that usually sustains my very soul.
So if I sway a bit off of the proposed trajectory of this post, please disregard my blunder. My brain is craving the high fructose corn syrup for which it so desperately yearns.
40 things to do by the time 40 rolls around. Well, I can tell you one thing that I will not be doing, and that is never going on a sugar detox again that’s for damn sure. But I won’t add that in because I am told that this depriving myself of this sweet sweet nectar will end up doing me a world of good on all fronts of the health spectrum. We’ll see about that. In the meantime, here is a list (because who doesn’t love a list!?) of 40 things I’d like to do before 40.
#40 Binge Watch the Complete Series of The Office at Least Five More Times
The Office is a cure-all for anything that ails you. If you don’t believe me, that’s fine. You are entitled to your wrong opinion.
#39 Read Poetry at a Spoken Word Event
#38 Attend a Blog/Writing Conference
Any kind of conference really. I would like to be a conference kind of person.
#37 Relax on a Beach
This doesn’t seem very aspirational, but with the high stress and demanding hours that my current job entails, it deserves a place on the list.
#36 Spend a Week in Banff National Park
Banff is my daughter’s favorite place in the world. I’ve tried to explain that the world is a pretty big place and there may be…Nope. It’s Banff. Best place ever. She has told me repeatedly. And I must say, it is pretty beautiful in Banff.
#35 Take a Family Holiday to the East Coast of Canada
Halifax, PEI, New Brunswick, they all just look so cute!
#34 A Helicopter Ride Would Be Cool
#33 Go To My Favourite Local Fine Dining Eatery and Order EVERYTHING off the Menu
My closest friends will be invited to join me so you had better start sucking up now so you too can get in on this.
#32 Learn How to Jog Properly
As of this writing, when out on a run, I look like an injured manatee merely attempting to gain ground over the trail in short spurts of manic speed while stopping sporadically to dry heave from exertion. I could probably work on that.
#31 Make Time for Reading
I used to be an avid reader. As of late, I can never find the time. Reading nourishes the soul and feeds the brain. There is literally no downside to reading.
#30 Publish an eBook
#29 Learn How to Play Minecraft
Do you “play” Minecraft? Or is it more of a watching kind of thing? In any case, learn how to do the Minecraft and surprise my son by building a whole city or house or whatever for him. I clearly need to do some research on this one.
#28 Build a Greenhouse
Fresh fruits and vegetables are the absolute bomb-diggity.
#27 Choose Local Retailers Whenever Possible
This isn’t so much a “do before” forty thing but rather a “get in the habit of” type situation.
#26 Go On a Girls Vacation with Friends
I’m always hearing about women going on these girly weekend getaways and Vegas trips together. Like, where are you people getting all of this free time from? I can barely find time to get home for Christmas let alone plan a week away in Mexico. But, this is definitely something I could get down with if I had the time, so on the list, it shall go.
#25 Do a Real Push Up.
Yep, that’s on the list.
#24 Be an Extra in a Movie
#23 Go to a Drive-In Movie
#22 Donate Blood
#21 Find a Nice Llama That I Can Introduce to My Daughter
This may sound weird, but she is obsessed with the llamas, and she would think meeting a llama was just the bee’s knees.
#20 Meet or Even Just Interact on Social Media with Caitlin Moran
I am obsessed with The Times Journalist, Caitlin Moran. She is very, very cool, you guys. If you have not heard of this amazing woman I give you permission to leave this blog site immediately and go google her. You will not be disappointed.
#19 Write a Letter to My Fifty Year Old Self
#18 Cook More with My Husband
We are bakers by trade but rarely get to cook or make dinner together. Sharing a bottle of wine while talking about the day and preparing a meal with the person you love is just about the greatest thing ever.
#17 Have a Short Story Published In a Lit. Magazine
#16 Go For Walks Daily
It cleanses the dark stuff from the soul.
#15 Give Myself a Spa Day
Even if that means sitting in a lukewarm bath with carrot chunks on my eyes (because I didn’t have any cucumbers) while the kids knock softly on the door asking when supper is going to be ready.
#14 Set Up a Back Yard Movie Theatre for Family Night
#13 Go To a Rocky Horror Picture Show Theatre Night
#12 Embarrass My Kids as Much as Possible
Look, my kids love me, and I really have come to like those guys too but what is a mother-child relationship without the embarrassing woman shouting from the car window at school pick-up, “Hunny, did you remember to ask your friend about the underwear that was forgotten at last weekend’s sleepover?”
#10 Be Grateful for What I have
#9 Drink a $100 Bottle of Wine…By Myself
#8 Buy a Local Piece of Artwork
#7 Invest in Myself and My Abilities
#6 Learn to Upcycle
#5 Put Extra Time and Money Into Our Home
Home is the place where we go to unwind, it should be cared for without guilt.
#4 Find the Right Moisturiser
You’d think by 33 I would have found the right moisturizer. Nope, I’m presently dealing with what seems to be adolescent acne and age wrinkles simultaneously. Fun!
#3 Sit in a Book Store All Afternoon and Read
Without worrying or feeling guilty.
#2 Create a Children’s Book With my Kids
#1 Be Present
Because real-time life is worth it.