Most generations have been taught that their consent and autonomy we're irrelevant.
Power and control were what were prioritized, and children were often used as pawns for propping up a pretty public image or for gaining financial resources.
Not only did this create generations of adults who haven't been able to recognize red flags that could've protected them from a myriad of personal and communal abuses and violence, it's also created an overall society that's been conditioned with learned helplessness because as children we were taught that we were entirely powerless.
That raises adults who then treated their children in the same ways, which is unfortunately still widely acceptable.
Children are forced into doing all manner of things that are neither necessary nor healthy, and even though it's illegal to physy harm and neglect children, it's still acceptable to use them as our venting grounds and take out our adult frustrations on them.
Children do need to feel like their parents are in charge in the sense that parents will provide for their basic emotional and physical needs, safety, education, advocation, nutrition, and protection - though beyond that, kids need to feel like they are in control of themselves and that their consent not only matters - it is prioritized.
That means it's important never to force your kids to do the things you want them to do, and for you as the parent, to find healthy rational ways to help them learn healthy age appropriate behaviors.
An example of this, is that when you find your child is doing something unhealthy; like not eating their vegetables, that instead of taking things away from them or trying to manipulate them into eating better, you take the lead and make sure to eat and enjoy healthy foods around them.
If that's not enough, you can take them around other adults and kids who enjoy healthy diets.
Being a healthy example and ensuring your kids are around other adults and kids who are healthy examples, always works to help kids develop healthy behaviors.
No force necessary.
It's unfortunate how often parents send the message to their children, that their love for them is conditional.
Conditional on good behavior.
Conditionally based on achievements.
And based on the condition that active love remains between both parents.
Whether you and your child's other parent are together or not, it's important that you use language and exemplify actions that show your kids that your love for them is unconditional.
That it remains intact no matter what anyone else does, no matter whether they are pleasing you or not, and no matter how stressed out you might get from the rest of life.
You can help your kids feel your unconditional love by doing things like:
- Prioritizing their special moments, interests, dreams, activities, and relationships.
- Communicating that even when you need them to modify any unhealthy behaviors, that they aren't going to lose your love or be punished.
- Valuing how they perceive they're identity.
- Never putting any new partners, relationships, children or step children above them - equity is important for all dynamics.
- Making time to sit and hang out with them, doing active they love; even when you're tired or they've been having trouble with healthy self discipline.
- Staying actively involved in their lives in healthy ways, even if you decide to release or temporarily lose custodial parenting responsibilities.
And most importantly; even if you need a small vacation from everything and everyone, you never ever run away, become "too busy" for them, or actually move away and leave them.
This is important for kids to feel from your, as much of the current adult world runs around with abandonment and commitment issues because previous generations emotionally and/or physically abandoned children.
Most of all the prior generations of humanity, have held a great focus on what they desire to hide, to the point that kids aren't even able to celebrate what doesn't need to be hidden.
On top of that, teaching kids to keep personal or family secrets, is a part of passing down generational shames that will only be healed when they are brought into the light and faced.
The best way to make sure your kids feel safe and welcome to talk about anything going on in their lives, is to live your own life in such a way that you wouldn't feel ashamed in your 6 year old or 17 year old were to openly talk about how you are in private, out in public to anyone.
This means that if you feel shameful about a dirty house or some metaphorical dirty laundry, then it's your job as the adult, to find healthy ways to clean up and provide an environment for your kids to grow up in, where they never have to worry about you being upset about them telling the truth.
Which doesn't mean that you need to be perfect.
That's another unhealthy thing to teach our kids; that they must be perfect in order to feel accepted by their peers and community.
It's okay to sometimes have a messy house, it's okay to tell the truth about that uncomfortable relative, it's okay to talk about traumatic things that have happened to us, and it's okay to talk about things that past generations have conditioned us to believe are too shameful and embarrassing to speak about around company.
It's important to ensure that your kids feel you are a living example of the rewards of telling the truth, not only because it's higher vibration and higher morality - it also gives them a much better chance of avoiding getting entrapped in unhealthy and abusive relationships.
Often times we get stuck in cycles of abuse in relationships, because they require us to keep secret the things that happen behind closed doors.
When a child is raised in a loving environment with parents who are living examples of honest self love and putting in the effort to heal old shames instead of hiding them and continuing unhealthy behaviors when they feel no one but the kids are looking, that raises kids who grow up with a strong sense of integrity and self love.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 PermissionGiver