Dear 1st January 2020,
It's been a long time since we met, Ah, you came to me with so many promises,hopes, ideas,opinions, experiences and yes, ad-vices to keep and give as well. You were like that acceptance letter we always wait for, but it's been so long since we last met. You have changed a lot,you did not play by your ideas or did not fulfil the promises you made, the hopes you raised somewhat are lost
I didn't realise the change in you all of a sudden,but it came as a slow revelation. Now when I look back, you were a bittersweet fellow, HA HA, most of the time bitter but at times so sweet that it made me venture through your dark episodes. Probably you changed a few things too.i might not be able to calendar all of it, it would stop making sense.
Maybe I came to you with unjust expectations that you would change everything, replace everyone. I would not blame you , you did what you could.
I asked for some personal time, you did bring it to me. I asked for academic stability, you , somehow, got confused and ended up disrupting the permanence I already had. Some part of me might have asked for love, that you brought,in your own discreet, stretched at seems kind of way ,but you did, thank you for that.
When I thought you would help me with my life at home and relations with family, you got bewildered at such naive desire and locked me inside my home for too long that i began losing bits of sanity to my inmates but well it is fine..i will look into it.
You scared me about my health, there were days when I would doubt my breath, every bit of air I inhaled felt like a sin. There were days when I ate a lot, there were also the days when I felt anorexic. There were the days when I slept like a baby and you brought me the nights when I would keep staring at the ceiling. I got fat. I hit the lazy life. I suffered at the hands of my health.
Uncertainty is what you taught me, the randomness of life. How after a certain period of time you become acclimated to the death of the people you care about, fear takes control of grief. Maybe I was selfish on days when I did not say my last goodbyes. It haunts me that someone I care about would not come to see me off one last time?
Well you very smoothly taught me to how to surrender, give up my freedom for the people i bother about
It's been so long that I started missing people I had not met in years. You gave me enough time to reflect upon my deeds, my ways and reasons why I left some people behind and why some people forgot me on purpose. You helped me groom myself personally.
You failed to change the root opinions people in my daily life have, our cumulative struggles are still the same,clash of ideologies still resides there. My thirst for dissociation is not quenched yet. You were good but you were not. I would not miss you but yes, not forget you. Meeting you again is not on my wish list. We both were not perfect for each other. We both made promises that we could not keep.The undulating stretch between us was quite toxic for me. You have grown up and are about to leave in a few moments, the only thing I have for you is prayers, that you become a better version of yourself in 2021,as do I. We both have a massive margin for improvement.
Osman Ghazi (author) on December 31, 2020:
Thanks . Also Wish you happy new year, Pamela.
Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on December 31, 2020:
This sounds like a beautiful, heartfelt letter to a passed love. I think it i very good, Osman.
Happy New Year!