Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.
"I used the term, "Chef Boy Ardee" in the first paragraph, but this brand name is certainly NOT put there to entice you or anyone else to rush right out and buy this product. I do not use the product. Nor do I endorse the product to be used. This brand name was only used in an editorial light. Thanks, Kenneth."
This is Not a "Jumpin' Jack Flash" piece.
Not just a zesty piece, or a piece of Chef Boy Ardee pizza, but one you can be proud of. Imagine that? Did you hear that? Put one you can be proud of. I know that I may be stretching the facts, but it takes a lot of ingredients to make a good stew. Just like a good cake. Many ingredients is all it takes to have a good day, that is if we can think in those terms.
And I do.
Ever watch your pastor's face? I do. For the most part, my pastor holds a firm, sturdy face while he preaches The Word of God, and I can appreciate that. Preachers above all, should know that God's Holy Word is not a piece of comedy material much less a paperback filled with zippy dialogue or snappy jokes. It's a matter of respect to allow these preachers to hold such a visage in the pulpit. If I am wrong, just let me know.
But, in the early 1970's, I happen to notice a pattern between (certain) preachers. All of them had that stony-faced look on their face as they delivered their sermons. It went over well by the audiences. But still, I had a lot of wonder about this thing tucked-away in my mind. The thing is, I never bothered to ask why some preachers must appear to be the most-serious man on earth and this only fueled my interest to find the answer.
The closest thing to an answer that I found was, back in the late 1700's, when people began to band together, organize groups, preach, teach, and minister to the needy, the leaders, (ministers), used a serious face in order for their audiences to know that they were hearing serious stuff. No jokes required.
And I left it right there. I wouldn't start an argument for anyone.
So, just for "those" tough-faced ministers, I offer you "10 Easy Ways to Put a Smile Upon Your Pastor's Face," :
10.) Stand near the front of your sancturary and pretend to be asleep. When your fake snoring starts-up, as the pastor moves to wake you, stand up quickly yelling, "Hey, folks! My name is not Bozo and I'm not a clown!" "See ya' next week," and head for the door. I cannot say which promise will be appreciated more--your statement or the leaving.
9.) When your pastor greets you on Sunday mornings, and you see his hard-rock face looking at you, just look serious and start tickling him underneath his chin while you say, "Tickle! Tickle! Tick-le!" Your pastor has to smile at this. Or he is a mannequin.
8.) Sometimes pastors will walk from their pulpit and talk about The Bible into the crowd which is fine. But when he passes you, you stand up and get behind him showing gestures of appreciation by pointing at him and nodding your head for approval. By now his audience is caving-over laughing, and when your pastor sees you doing these things, he will laugh . . .after he tells you privately, do NOT come back if this is all you can do in church!!!" And he will mean it. So do not let your feelings get hurt.
7.) Put sock on your right hand with a face painted over the toes area. Keep this hand puppet hid until your pastor notices you, then hit him with your puppet "talking" up in the air. He will first be shocked, then giggle. He is after all, human.
6.) Sit on the front, cross your legs and let your pastor see you NOT wearing socks. But keep a serious look on your face. He is bound to laugh after church services and will just have to ask if you lost your socks! Do not answer, but just wink at him and walk off.
5.) (This one can go either way--funny or aggravating): when the pastor takes the pulpit to speak, timing must be perfect. Before he opens his mouth, you jump up and give him the best, asounding welcome that he's ever heard. Then after all of your introductions, present him with a FAKE name! Laughter, sure. By the pastor? Can't answer.
4.) Ask your preacher before service, "Bro. Wills, mind telling me who cuts your hair?" And tug a little bit hin your hand. He will laugh because of sudden shock. Then if he can turn a good phrase he might answer, "I didn't know that you were a barber!"
3.) Put a dab or two of the glue (advertised on TV) that dries fast, into your hand and when your pastor reaches out to shake your hand, make sure that the hand with glue will not come apart. Laughs will roll. Or embarrassment will suddenly-surface.
2.) Before church service, be serious and tell the pastor that you need to ask him something to which he will reply, "Sure." Then step away from the crowd and ask him, "You want me to do a few animal sounds while you preach--you know, to give you that jungle atmosphere?" I'd love to see you do this one.
1.) Before church starts, walk-up to your preacher and say to him, "My name is Bud Holley. I changed it to Buddy Holley. But you can call me Bud. Oh, you did't know about me getting a name change? It was between Buddy Holley and Babe Ruth, so I figured that you loved Holley more than Ruth," then let-out a huge laugh.
This has been fun. See you next week, hopefully.
May 10, 2021_____________________________________________________
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