Physics Jokes That Will Rock Your World
The following is a growing collection of the best physics jokes that science (and humor) have to offer! And, as always if you have a great physics joke that I totally missed, please let me know in the comments below.
I'm not lazy, I'm overflowing with potential energy.
Q: Why did Heisenberg hate driving?
A: Because every time he looked at the speedometer, he'd get lost.
Q: How does a German physicist drink beer?
A: With ein Stein.
Velociraptor = Distraptor / Timeraptor
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Q: What do physicists do at football games?
A: The wave.
A photon checks into a hotel when the bellhop asks, "Would you like help with your luggage?"
The photon replies, "I don't have any. I always travel light."
The cop looks at Heisenberg and says, "Sir, do you realize you were going 75 in a 55?"
Heisenberg replies, "Great, now I'm lost!"
What happens in a black hole, stays in a black hole.
Q: What do you get when you cross a physicist and a rock climber?
A: You can't. A rock climber is a scalar.
Home is where your displacement is zero.
Q: What was Schrödinger's favorite movie genre?
A: ψ Φ
In 1907, Einstein started developing a theory about space.
It was about time, too!
Sir Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree one fine day, trying to figure out how gravity works. And then it hit him.
My physics professor said I had potential. Then he pushed me off a building.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Q: What's new?
A: C over lambda.
Q: What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other?
A: "Gotta split!"
Q: Why aren't physicists good in bed?
A: When they find the position, they can't find the momentum. When they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Q: What happens when electrons lose their energy?
A: They get Bohr'ed.
Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: From behind, I thought you were repulsive. But after seeing you from the front, I find you very attractive.
Q: Why can't you trust an atom?
A: They make up everything.
The Higgs Boson walks into a church whereupon the priest immediately says, "We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here." The Higgs Boson replies, "But without me, you cannot have mass."
Entropy isn’t what it used to be...
Air resistance is a drag.
A hundred kilopascals go into a bar.
Professor: Does anyone have any questions before the tomorrow's exam?
Student: Can you go over terminal velocity?
Q: What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission chips
Q: What did one photon say to the other?
A: I'm tired of your interference.
Q: Why wasn't Heisenberg a good lover?
A: Because whenever he had the time, he didn't have the energy.
Do radioactive cats have 18 half lives?
Calculating frequency is so easy it Hertz.
Q: What does a subatomic duck say?
Gravity is such a downer.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!
May the force be... ... equal to mass times acceleration.
To get to the other side. Why did the neutrino cross the road?
Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?
A: The quantum mechanic can get the car from inside the garage without opening the door.
The symposium on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
Q: How did Einstein begin the stories he told his children?
A: Once upon a space-time...
A quantum physicist walks into a bar and doesn't.
On a sign hanging on a laboratory door: "Gone Nuclear Fission."
Q: Who solves mysteries involving electricity?
A: Sherlock Ohms
Police officer: Freeze! Why do you carry two identity cards?
Electron: That's my wave-particle duality!
© 2017 Melanie Shebel