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Chemistry Jokes Guaranteed to Brighten Your Day

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What follows is a growing compendium of chemistry jokes because not all the chemistry jokes argon. Share some of these jokes with your labmates or chem friends and maybe you'll get a reaction.

I initially decided to write jokes about the Periodic Table, but never really felt I was in my element.

Did you know that you can lower your body temperature to -273 °C and be perfectly 0K.

Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you may as well barium.

Two atoms are walking down the street.
One of them shouts, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other inquires, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

The best thing about learning equilibrium is that nothing changes.

Learning about electrons is exciting. They bring chemistry to a whole new level.

ROOOXANNNE, you don't have to emit electromagnetic radiation with a wavelength of approximately 620-750 nanometers.

Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.

Girl, do u have 67 protons? Cuz u a Ho.

Two people walk into a bar.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too."
The second one died.

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

Two electrons are sitting in a jail cell.
One asks, "What are you in for?"
The other replies, "For attempting a forbidden transition."

Q: If H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, What is H2O4?
A: Drinking.

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Q: Why didn't the chemist enjoy doing chromatography?
A: He got separation anxiety.

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.

Q: Why did the bear dissolve in water?
A: Because it was polar.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.

Q: How can you spot a chemist in the bathroom?
A: They wash their hands before they use the toilet.

Dubstep titration: Drop the base
Dubstep titration: Drop the base | Source

Q: What is the chemical formula for diarrhea?
A: (CO(NH2)2)2

Chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

I studied exothermic reactions before they were cool.

Think of your favorite 90's band, then pick a card

"Um, ok"

What band did you think of?

"Ace of Base"

Now look at your card

"Holy sh--"

When I learned how many electrons an oxygen atom needs to fill its first orbital, I was like :O

Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They always have a solution.

yo momma so ugly not even fluorine would bond w her.

Q: How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
A: He picked up his beaker before it was cool.

Q: Why aren't chemists ever able to prank their friends?
A: Because they lack the element of surprise.

Carbon and a hydrogen went on a date. They really bonded.

Entropy just isn't what it used to be.

The new Toblerone: now with enhanced baseline separation!  #Chemistry
The new Toblerone: now with enhanced baseline separation! #Chemistry | Source

Q: What's the fastest Noble gas?
A: Neeeeeon.

Q: What's a pirate's favorite element? (your victim may assume "arrrrgon".)
A: Gold.

I update this article... periodically.
If you have any good chemistry jokes, please share them in the comments below or send them to me on Twitter @MelanieShebel.

© 2016 Melanie Shebel

Comments 4 comments

BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 4 weeks ago from Victoria, Australia

Ha! That was fun, especially some of them. Really enjoyed it, but I don't think I have any to add.


Suhail and my dog profile image

Suhail and my dog 4 weeks ago from Mississauga, ON

LOL!

The best ever!

We want more of those jokes, Melanie.


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 4 weeks ago from Brazil

I should have studied more in my chemistry classes as some of these went over my head.

What can you expect, I accidentally set fire to the chemistry lab.

Love this collection though.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 4 weeks ago from California Gold Country

I remember my chemistry teacher drawing a diagram on the chalkboard

with several iron molecules (Fe) linked in a circular fashion-- when no one could guess what it was he told us it was a Ferris wheel.

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