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My Best Friend, Jean - For a Friend Who Passed Away

Poetry that comes from the writer's heart of things she has seen or come to know about, sharing what that heart has learned.

Jean and I were so close and I loved her like a sister. We lost touch in our twenties and by the time I located her, it was too late. She was gone from this world in a very painful and devastating way.

As shocked and saddened as I was about all I learned, somehow I think she would have been very pleased with the results of how I came to find out about her demise.

This is that story.


Small Town Friends High on Love

We lived a couple miles apart and would walk and meet each other in the small town where we lived as often as her dad would allow her.

He was the town doctor and was a little stricter on her than my mom was me. Well, my dad either worked or slept all the daylight hours He was never home until after midnight so he had no idea anyway and left all that up to Mom. She trusted me always, as well she should have.

My boyfriend played music with his band at the bottom of a shoe store on weekends and that is where we would meet on any day. Outside that is, by a creek that flowed there. There was a cement wall just over the creek where we could sit and stretch our legs while enjoying the flow of the water. No one but us around in a town full of people. It was perfect.

We discussed everything and Jean was the most mature friend I had ever known. She was very pretty and much taller than I was. But her body did not seem flexible for being a cheerleader which I tried my best to get her to do with me. Then too, her dancing lacked rhythm or so I thought was the problem. I would never say anything to hurt her feelings so I just took her as she was and she would dance with me at least once on a dance night. (This meant nothing now but would later when I learned Jean's tragic story.)

I loved dancing and hardly missed a dance being very glad my boyfriend did not mind all the boys I danced with. It was the time of a new music era and I loved every minute of it. The boys didn't matter and rarely was there a waltz or dance to touch another. If you danced alone I doubt anyone would have noticed with so many on the dance floor but of course, I would not do that.

Although Jean and I had many high school classes together, here at this creek was where we did most of our talking. We came here as often as we could. We were both good kids who never dreamed of drugs or wild parties. We loved life just as it was. We were both high on love.


Falling in Love

Jean and her family had moved south from New Jersey just a few years before so she really did not know everyone forever at this school, as I did. I knew many older kids through my older brother and sister when I was just in grade school. They looked after me when I was cheer leading at this school from grade school until my sister or brother showed up to get me. I was shy, but still, I knew them all by name and a little more about some. Some would even dance with me way back then at this little teen joint below the school. The jukebox was always blaring and I loved it then too.

Jean had just started dating an older boy who was the age of my brother or sister years ahead of me. He had just beaten in time failing and hanging around high school for years and I could not stand her loving him.

I tried as nicely as I could to point out all these things to her but all she saw was a man she thought was in love with her. He was very tall and good looking, the rest really were boys, so I kind of understood. I just hated to see her hurt and maybe tossed aside. He did not toss her though and they did end up marrying, which to me, was even worse. I knew this sweet kind person deserved so much better.

We never fought or even argued over any of this and she apparently told him my views because when we would meet again she would tell me what he thought of my boyfriend. It hurt my feelings a little because she had even gone on one date with my boyfriend that I set up. Crazy, huh? Yep, but not kinky, and that was another story.


Best Friends Forever - BFF

High School was over and both Jean and I had married our boyfriends. We loved being together but life just seemed to have other plans.

Out of the blue right before Jean disappeared forever she called me and said her husband was out of town and she wanted me to come to spend some time with her. We neither had children yet. My husband was away in service, so it was perfect.

We had the very best time and she had baked me a chocolate mint cake and frozen it which made it taste just like mint ice cream. I bet I ate half of that cake! I was there a couple of days though and neither Jean nor I weighed more than 100 pounds at this time. I was a guilt-free glutton! Jean had always been the one to make clothes and be a great cook. I had years to go to learn all this! She seemed so perfect to me! We had Home Economics together and I was a joke. She knew it all before she got there!

She said I could sleep with her or on the couch, only having a small place with one bedroom. I chose her bed after yelling from couch to bedroom several minutes. It seemed awkward at first, but we had always slept together as teens and whispered to not wake her little sister in the other twin bed!

She told me all that was going on with her and it was very sad. She would need surgery to remove ovaries and if she wanted a child she only had a small opportunity of time to have one if it were possible even then. She did want one so bad but her husband said no.

This was hard to hear and I admit I burned with hatred for him but I could not let that show and was thankful for the darkness. What advice can you give your best friend on this? This was completely up to them and I could do nothing but hurt for her. She had wanted to share this with me and I know she knew my thoughts, surely. We talked what seemed forever until we could stay awake no longer.


Lost but Not Forgotten

I tried over the years to find Jean. Her dad had passed away and her family moved, I assumed back to New Jersey, but I really had no idea. I lived out of state when this happened so I had no idea or chance to get in touch with her at this time.

I got in touch with her husband’s family when I did hear and they said they had moved out of state, but they had no idea where. This scared me. How do you have no idea where your brother and his wife have moved to?

One day at a Dairy Queen a couple of years later I ran into her husband. He was high as could be. He looked scary, but I didn’t care. I asked him about Jean. Once he could comprehend what I was asking he said he had no idea, they were not together anymore. I could just imagine Jean dead and buried somewhere and no one ever finding her body. I went home and cried. That man looked so wild and had no idea where Jean was? I did not believe him, yet later I found out that was probably the truth.


We Barely Missed Each Other

I had been into the internet awhile but mostly just playing games with people all over the world and nothing more. I got an email one day something about classmates and Jean's name. It shocked and excited me but when I mentioned it to my son he warned me, as he usually did, that there were some weirdos online and to take care. Still, I decided finally to go to classmates and look around, just in case. Weeks went by and I went in more and more, reading here and there. In one discussion someone wanted to know if maybe her mother, Jean had been trying to get in touch with them.

I was floored. Was this Jean’s daughter? Had she had that child she wanted so much? Yes, she had!

We talked in emails and it was very sad news, Jean had passed from toxic shock brought on by MS, which she had been suffering from for quite a while. She was even involved in marches and raising money for the MS Foundation. (Her daughter still is.)

We exchanged emails and photos and I found out that wild man was not the father of this daughter and I was so happy about that. Jean had met someone else and as pretty as she was in high school, she was absolutely gorgeous as she grew older, I saw from shared photos.


Multiple Sclerosis - When Did it Start?

I have not discussed whether it might be true or not with anyone but felt this disease was no doubt responsible for Jean’s lack of flexibility in her teens when I wanted so bad for her to be in cheerleading and she just said she could not and I left her alone seeing the stiffness in her legs when she danced. I had never heard of MS then, yet something apparently was forming in her body even then. (Also, I could later compare her form to my sisters-in-law, who had that same stiffness and also developed MS.)

I hated so bad Jean was gone and we would never see each other again and I felt so sure Jean had been trying to reach me to tell me about this daughter she had been blessed with. Maybe she knew or felt her end was near and wanted to share that with me, too.

This daughter was beautiful also and was happy to find out so much from me as I did her, about Jean. Today, of course, finding and contacting someone is so much easier and even then, I think I just barely missed Jean. That has always made me feel so bad with regret.

I know Jean would be so happy that her daughter and I met and have had so many conversations and that now I can really follow her daughter’s life. I watch her as she ages and see my friend in her so much. Both are such special people. We still chat occasionally and I have to remind her periodically how very proud I know Jean would be of her.

As you may have guessed I wrote a poem for Jean. I have also included a beautiful song called "Jean" for her. Please enjoy.

Losing best friends.



Jean, my friend all the flowers have bloomed

That I see and remind me that you are not here

That you left me without saying goodbye

Where you would be going, or your fear

You would never carry the child you so longed for

You had told me you wanted so badly

But I know now my friend your fight in the end

You fought not only for you, but you left life so sadly

As I cried learning you had gone with no hope

Of seeing you again when I had searched for so long

Fearing for you and your life my dear friend

Never dreaming what had lasted so long gone wrong

Although my fears were for your life, I had no idea

I never dreamed all the pain you would endure

I know as all the others who loved you did too

Wishing and praying for you there would be a cure

If anyone deserved long life it was you, I really feel

So good, so sweet, but God blessed you with that baby

When we last saw each other you had wished for

I did pray, dear Jean, wishing you might, just maybe

So sorry you had to leave this beautiful granted child

Too soon you have made the journey we all must take

But your spirit will always be with us still, without pain

So sad you are gone, wish I had known for both our sake

I hope you somehow knew I was always thinking of you

Hoping to see and talk to you at least, my best friend

To know you were alright, to hear of your plight

That took you so quickly without words, with no amend

Knowing you hated to admit fault in the love you chose

It would have been something hard to tell me, at the end

But surely you knew I would be glad you had dropped

That sorrow, you had found happiness finally, my friend

For you to finally find a true love you deserved

To help see you through your pain and many sorrows

He and your child shared a wonderful happy life

Gave you love and joy for all of your last tomorrows

I think of you so often with others I loved that are gone

And when I see spring budding out and the beauty it gives

I know somewhere you are near, with nothing more to fear

Watching ones who love, truly, you are the one that lives

Jean - Still Loved So Much


© 2017 Jackie Lynnley


Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 20, 2017:

Oh, I hope so Peggy. I know she would have wanted me to know she had that baby and I do know she was so proud of her without her even telling me.

Thank you o much for following my memories! I do appreciate it!

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on December 20, 2017:

Your friend Jean would have been so happy to know that you held that special friendship close to your heart even though you were apart. So nice that you found her daughter and can maintain a friendship with her. Am sure that you can tell her many stories about her mother...your friend. If she is looking down...she is smiling at you!

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 19, 2017:

Thanks Dianna, she really was such a sweet wonderful person!

Merry Christmas!

Dianna Mendez on December 18, 2017:

Your story touched my heart. I lost a good friend when I was quite young. So glad you have wonderful memories of your friend and that you connected with her daughter. What a beautiful poem to write about your friend!

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 11, 2017:

Yes, Dora, it was such a surprise and blessing and I know Jean would have to be so pleased I got to know about her child she wanted so bad last time we spent time together.

Thank you for reading!

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on December 11, 2017:

Jackie, happy for you that you experienced such a deep and meaningful friendship; sad the way it ended. Now that your friend's daughter is a part of your life, you get to relive some of the good memories as you share them with her. All is not lost; you are blessed!

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 09, 2017:

Thank you Bill. Yes I am blessed with so many wonderful memories.

William Kovacic from Pleasant Gap, PA on December 09, 2017:

Sad, but yet there was closure. Good friends are hard to find. Glad you found one, but sorry you lost her, too. You are blessed with wonderful memories in the midst of pain.

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 09, 2017:

Thanks Kari, yes I am pleased about that too. It is hard sometimes to not be too nosy but I try to not crowd her space. lol

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 09, 2017:

Thanks Linda, I think it will. We are friends through FB and I get to see her there often and her kids.

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 09, 2017:

Thanks for reading Madan.

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 09, 2017:

Thank you Shyron. I missed Jean by so little time is what makes it so sad but getting to know her daughter has really been so special to me. I am sorry you lost your friend too. We never forget our close friends. Much like family.

Kari Poulsen from Ohio on December 09, 2017:

I'm so sorry you did not get to say good bye to your friend. I very glad you have come to be friends with her daughter. :)

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 08, 2017:

I am sorry Peg that you so recently lost a friend. It is hard not to think of them every day. Thank you for stopping by and hugs back to you.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on December 08, 2017:

This is a sad story, Jackie, but the fact that are in contact with Jean's daughter is wonderful. I hope the connection between the two of you continues.

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 08, 2017:

RM, thank you, and I am so glad about that too.

MG Singh emge from Singapore on December 08, 2017:

Thanks for sharing lofty thoughts

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on December 08, 2017:

Oh Jackie, I did lose track of a best friend and her name was Jackie and she too was gone, but I could never write about her demise.

Your tribute to your friend is sad but beautiful and I can relate to your feelings and how you lost your best friend and I truly love the song.

Blessings to you and your memories of a deep friendship.

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 08, 2017:

Thank you Mary, it has been a few years now and it does feel wonderful to know I can speak to this friends daughter anytime I want. I know Jean would be so pleased. It often brings me smiles instead of sadness.

Peg Cole from North Dallas, Texas on December 08, 2017:

One of my favorite songs and it's a perfect fit for this dear and heartfelt tribute to your friend. It's sad to lose someone so close no matter the time and distance we may be apart. You've captured the story of her life and meaning in this beautiful story. Thanks for sharing this bittersweet memory here. I also recently (July) lost a dear, lifelong friend and it made me think of her today as I do every day. Hugs, friend.

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 08, 2017:

Thanks for sharing all that Rasma...and hugs back to you!

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 08, 2017:

That would be bad Linda and naturally you would think of it this time of year. I am so sorry. I hope somehow you can deal with that to lesson the impact at such a joyous time of year. I really do.

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 08, 2017:

Thanks Eric. Where would we be without memories?

Jackie Lynnley (author) from the beautiful south on December 08, 2017:

Thanks Bill, I am pretty sure she would be glad I finally learned to sew and cook. Well I am much better at the latter. Still love that chocolate mint cake, in honor of her.

RoadMonkey on December 08, 2017:

So sad to lose someone so close but glad to know you found out what happened and have her daughter to help.

Mary Wickison from Brazil on December 08, 2017:

Very moving Jackie. I've lost touch with one of my friends from high school and after finding her address, I wrote her a letter. I've had no answer but a friend who also knows her says she is having a hard time.

A colleague in the UK had MS and it was sad watching him succumb to the disease. It was a difficult time for everyone who knew him and his family.

I'm glad you have made contact with her daughter. I'm sure she appreciates the kindness and loves hearing about happy times from the past.

Gypsy Rose Lee from Daytona Beach, Florida on December 08, 2017:

Sorry to hear this. You had such a great friendship. I am glad you finally found her daughter and got to know what happened. Long ago I found my high school friend and we are still in touch online. I also became friends with my high school boyfriend who was the first love of my life. I was glad to find out he had found his one special love and had children. I was not glad to find out both he and his wife had MS and through this common disease they met online and finally got together. They are doing fine and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw on FB that my then boyfriend had gone back to university to take courses despite his limits. So my stories have happy endings just wish that yours had too. I am sure Jean knows you have been in touch and is happy sending you her love. Virtual hugs.

Linda Lum from Washington State, USA on December 08, 2017:

Jackie, my heart aches for you. I too lost my best friend, but her death was from a car crash just a few days before Christmas and because of that this is always a difficult time of year for me. Thank you for sharing this loving tribute.

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on December 08, 2017:

Jackie thank you for sharing this story. I could feel both your love and pain. It is good you still have such fond memories.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on December 08, 2017:

I will file this under "sweet melancholy." Beautiful story, my friend. I'm sure your friend is quite pleased with the person you have become.

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