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A Story Of Incest And One Of Its After Effects


Incest And One Of The After Effects

If my story was a piece of fiction and I read it somewhere I would say that the plot was unbelievable.

But this is not a piece of fiction it is the story of how I came into the world. Then against the odds survived my first unwashed and unloved year on this planet. This is not a tale written to elicit pity.

I am writing this to show how some good can come from evil. How a waste product or an after effect that almost no one wanted, can go on to be and live a productive and happy life.

My Lovely Mam and Dad

This is the lovely couple that gave me a loving home and a fabulous brother

This is the lovely couple that gave me a loving home and a fabulous brother

Unloved And Unwanted

I started off unloved and unwanted. I was born in 1946 to a mother who was only twelve and a half years old when she had me.

My father sexually abused my mother, and I was the result of this abuse. As you can imagine this led to some weird relationships.

My father and my mother's father are the same. My mother also my stepsister. My grandmother also my stepmother. My father also my grandfather.

What a mess.

Not a Welcome Addition to the Family

As you can imagine I was not a welcome addition to the family. My adopted mum told me that my father went to prison for what he did. She also told me that my father was not allowed to return home until I was no longer there.

My mother at twelve and a half years of age was only a child herself. I cannot imagine how someone so young could cope in this situation.

My mother clearly was too young to care for me, and my grandmother, I imagine, couldn't bear the sight of me. In my grandmother's eyes I suppose. I was to blame for this situation coming to light.

After all, it was my existence that brought this dark secret out into the open. Along with the revelation came the consequences. Which was I suppose, in my stepmother/grandmother's eyes, was why her husband/my father, was in prison.

The First Eleven Months Of My Life

I spent the first eleven months of my life usually unattended. I spent most of my time lying on my back in a pram in the hallway of a small terraced house.
When my adoptive parents took me home for the first time, I was dirty, malnourished and covered in sores.

The sores were from where I had lain in my wet dirty nappies in the soiled pram.
I had a bald spot on the back of my head where I had rubbed off my hair on the back of my head from always being on the pillow.

I had weeping sores from my heels to my shoulder blades. My mum originally thought that I had dark curly hair. But when she washed my hair for the first time she found out that it was in fact blond and straight.

Unwanted, Hated, Rejected and Unloved

I was unwanted, hated, rejected and unloved, even before I took my first breath. After I was born I was also uncared for and neglected and it didn't get better it got worse.

At twelve months old I couldn't stand up never mind walk. I had wasted little legs, which I had never even stood on.

No one had lifted me out of my pram to play with me and no one wanted to give me cuddles.

They gave me the least attention that they could get away with giving me.
My own two children could both walk at ten months. When my adoptive parents took me home with them I was 12 months old. Here I was at thirteen months old unable to stand on my own never mind walk.

I was not only a mess physically, but I was damaged in every other area too. From the neglect I learned that crying for attention only got me negative attention. So I didn't cry any more.

I had learned that whenever I did get picked up, it was never a particularly pleasant experience. So I didn't like being picked up.

The earliest photograph of me

This is a hand coloured photograph of me and my brother.

This is a hand coloured photograph of me and my brother.

She’s Bad Blood She’ll Bring Nothing But Trouble

I was not the ideal baby that people long for. I wasn't a cuddly cheerful or happy baby, and I didn't give my new parents lots of love back.

I also brought trouble into my new family. My dad's step- mother said I was bad blood and would bring nothing but trouble.

I was not only bad blood and trouble but they would not accept me as a member of the family.

My mum and dad later had a son of their own. My brother was the first grandchild born in the family. Of course the grand-parents sent a Christmas present down for their new grandson.

But of course they did not send one for me, after all I was not part of the family.
My mum, God bless her, sent the present back saying, you send presents for both or for neither.

So at the age of three and a half I was begrudgingly accepted into my dad's family. This was only because they wanted my brother more than they didn't want me.

All these things shaped my personality and my perceptions. I experienced everything in my early life through the filter of these experiences.

This resulted in me having no self- esteem, I always saw myself in a poor light. I was full of fear, especially in the area of other people's opinions.

I had huge feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. I also lacked confidence and felt self conscious. Most of the time my feelings of insecurity felt overwhelming.

Life was a battle most of the time, but it was a battle that never showed on the surface.

I wad anxious in almost every situation. I was pitifully eager to please, and even the slightest thing could damage me.

I damaged so easily that imagined things were as harmful to me as real things. For example, if I thought someone was talking about me, that was enough. Someone didn't have to actually talk about me, I only had to think they were. Imagined or real the damage unfortunately is the same.

So how did I change? Change from being a hurt, rejected and unwanted person. A person full of insecurities and low self esteem.

How did I change from a person that was self conscious, anxious and feelings of inadequacy? Someone with an inferiority complex that were it an Olympic sport I would have been a gold medal holder.

I wish I could now detail a five point plan to follow for which I could take the credit showing how I overcame but I cannot. I had tried everything I knew to try and it made no difference.

I left school at fifteen poorly educated. But I had a hunger for knowledge and a passion for reading. Slowly I got the education that I thought would help me overcome and solve some of these problems.

I earned B.A.hons degree in Psychology. After my degree I could trace things back and see how I got to be the person I was.

I discovered the causes of most of my problems but knowing the how and why didn’t change a thing.

I also took some Clinical Theology Courses and I watched others transformed. But still I stayed the same.

Re boot and restore manufactures default

So at thirty five I was still as messed up as ever so what happened to change all that?

Now is the time to bail out if you don’t want to hear about God's part in all this. How he rebooted my system and restored the manufactures default settings.

I had been a church goer most of my life. But, up until this encounter with God this had only made things worse.

Worse because on top of everything else, I never managed to live up to how I thought a Christian should live. So this added another big lump of guilt and failure to my already struggling life.

What follows is an incident that changed my life. An incident in which God showed me that I was not unwanted, unloved or unacceptable to Him.

I am not trying to sell you the Christian way of life or change your views. I am only sharing with you an incident that turned my life around and changed everything.

I had gone to see my minister over some problem I was having, what that problem was I now can't remember. But as I was being prayed with, the minister said that God was showing her that I was angry.

I didn't feel angry. But back then I didn't feel much at all most of the time. I had in fact built up a protective wall around myself and for much of the time I was emotionally numb. Not that I knew I was emotionally numb, because I knew nothing else and I thought that what I felt was normal.

Emotionally at that time I was pretty much a flat liner. So what the minister was saying to me didn't make much sense to me at all.

The more we prayed the more the minister kept saying that all God was showing her was this deep seated anger in me.

By now I was getting pretty irritated with this, but still I didn't feel that the minister was right.

So I asked the minister a question. The question was more to shut her up and to get her to move on to something else than to get an answer.

I said "OK, if I am angry then ask God who or what I am angry at." The answer that came back to this question was the last thing I was expecting or would have thought of.

The minister said that I was angry with God. I thought she was so far off the plot that she had left the planet.

I was about to tell her this, when I heard this awful mournful sound and it was coming up from deep inside of me.

I think I was more surprised than the minister was at what was happening. From deep within there was a mixture of rage, anger, despair, rejection and loneliness.
All coming out in the form of this deep wailing noise. As it came up I could see myself as a tiny baby, in a pram in the hallway of a house.

I was alone, left unattended in the pram lying in my soiled nappy, and soiled bedding.

I was smelly, dirty, hungry and neglected; my flesh covered in sores from lying in my own mess.

I knew about these things because my mum had told me about them once years ago. But being the emotional cripple that I was. I was not moved at all by it back then.

But, as I saw this, and I mean really saw this, for the first time, I began to rage at God. If you are a God of love how could you let me be born like this.

How could you leave me all alone crying and ignored. How can you say you love me, and yet let this happen to me?

On and on I went until I had spent all this anger and rage that had been pent up inside of me. I had pushed all this so far down inside and that I had hidden it from everyone, including me.

I called God everything unpleasant I could think of. I blamed him for everything bad that had happened to me.

I only finished my tirade when I had spent all my anger and had at last spewed it all out of me.

But, God ever gracious somehow took me back again to that small baby lying neglected in the pram.

This time though I saw that I wasn't alone, and I never had been. No matter how I felt at the time, the reality was that I had not been alone.

This time I saw that I was in the centre of God's love and compassion. Every hurt, every rejection, every piece of neglect that I suffered, God was right there.

God somehow showed me; that what ever was happening to me, He took it personally.

When I say He took it personally I mean really personally. It wasn't like it was done to Him. God showed me that it was done to Him.

When they neglected me, they neglected Him, and when they didn't love me, they didn't love Him.

God hadn't abandoned me, but had stayed with me throughout it all and He not only wept with me He wept for me.

God actually felt every part of my pain and my rejection because it was His pain and rejection too.

I know this was not just some fanciful thing that my own mind conjured up; I know that it was God who showed me this.

When I read this passage of scripture some time after this experience it brought me to tears. I then not only had this experience which told me this is so; I also had God's word in which He told me the same thing..

Matthew 25:42-45 (Living Bible)
42 For I was hungry and you wouldn't feed me; thirsty, and you wouldn't give me anything to drink;
43 a stranger, and you refused me hospitality; naked, and you wouldn't clothe me; sick, and in prison, and you didn't visit me.'
44 "Then they will reply, 'Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?'
45 "And I will answer, 'When you refused to help the least of these my brothers, you were refusing help to me.

Even after suffering that barrage of verbal abuse from me, God didn't get offended and touchy with me.

God didn't respond to the injustice of my accusations and assumptions. Instead He treated me with patience, gentleness and loving-kindness.

God wonderfully healed wounds that I didn't even know that I was carrying at that time.

In that moment He showed me contrary to everything that I felt, everything that others had said to me, it was not so.

I was wanted because He wanted me, and I was loved because He loved me. I was acceptable because He accepted me.

He showed me all this and I saw it. Then I knew all that He had shown me was true and I knew it in my knower not in my head.

It was as simple as that. For the first time I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was loved and accepted. I also knew that I didn’t have to do anything to get God's love and acceptance nor did I have to do anything to keep it.

This knowledge destroyed all those negative things and I was miraculously set free.

As I write this I am aware that I have let some of these things creep back in. They nestle just below the surface waiting to pull me down. But thank God, just the retelling of this has released me once again.


maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on August 18, 2020:

Thank you LaZeric Freeman for leaving a comment, I am sorry it has taken me so long to acknowledge your comment but I am not on this site often these days and so I sometimes miss the comments when they happen.

When something like this happens as an adult I now feel nothing but love and compassion for all concerned. They acted out of the place they were in at the time, and it was a place of brokeness for all of them, even my father.

But I am happy to say that I know like Joseph in Gen 50:20 that things, even if they were intended to harm me, which I don't think they were done for that intention, but even if they were God intended it for good to accomplish something greater through me than would have been possible if I had not been through and grown from this sort of a beginning in life.

I love my life and I would not change a thing because I am blessed beyong measure.

LaZeric Freeman from Hammond on March 08, 2020:

Wow ... Just ... wow .... I can't imagine someone not loving a baby under any circumstances. But I'm glad that you realized that you are truly loved and valuable to this world. God bless and forever keep you.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on May 24, 2019:

@Gregory Floro He certainly does and shows it daily and thank you for leaving a comment Gregory I appreciate it

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on May 24, 2019:

@Jackie Lynnley you are quite right Jackie no doubt today I would most likely been aborted, but thankfully I was not and I am living a full and rich life and feel no shame attached to my unsual beginning just a lot of love and empathy for my young birth mother.

Gregory Floro from Tagaytay, Philippines on January 16, 2019:

God loves you always.!!!

Jackie Lynnley from the beautiful south on December 29, 2018:

So glad you overcame this and you should feel no shame at all. If this were today you would no doubt have been aborted but thank God you got life. You are so brave to share this and help so many and yourself as well I am sure.

Virginia Allain from Central Florida on December 07, 2018:

Quite interesting!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on December 07, 2018:

Hi Virginia thank you so much for leaving a comment. I often wonder what happened to her. I remember once when visiting my grandmother I was sent to see a neighbour across the the road. I was told to call her aunty Mary.

Aunty Mary took a lot of interest in me and there was a pretty young woman with her who watched me intently.

Many years later my mum told me that aunty Mary was actually my birth mothers aunty. It was through aunty Mary that my mum was able to do the private adoption.

I have a feeling that the pretty young woman was actually my birth mum.

I have and still am living a blessed life and I have a strong feeling that so is my birth mother.

Virginia Allain from Central Florida on December 07, 2018:

Wow, what a tragic beginning to your life and thank goodness for the adoption to save you from that situation. I wonder whatever happened to that poor abused girl, your birth mother. Stay strong.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 05, 2018:

Thank you so much Elizabeth for leaving your comment. My encounter with God's grace has shown me there is no pit too deep that God can't reach down and still touch you.

No matter who you are or what you've done if you are touched by that grace you will be changed. Unconditional love is just that, unconditional.

I have nothing but love and compassion for my birth family. For my adoptive or real family I thank God for the wonderful family and family life I had and still have.

Elizabeth Barnes on September 05, 2018:

Thank you so much for sharing this story. I believe in everything you said and I cried as I read your words. You know now that you are part God and God part of you. God felt all the pain you have felt too.

I really feel sorry for your so called grandfather and mom. How could he ever look at his self and feel good about anything, Maybe the answer is God. Your Mom only 12 years old. That certainly was rape. Something wonderful did come out of something bad. YOU. God Bless you sweet angel.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on August 04, 2018:

@ Lawrence Wilson Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment and you are right Lawrence God is indeed with us always

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on August 04, 2018:

@ dreamerMeg thank you for your encouraging words much appreciated.

Lawrence Wilson on August 02, 2018:

Thanks so much for sharing your experience, as difficult as that must have been.

God is indeed with us always. Willing to take on our pain and handle our anger.

And, to love us.

DreamerMeg from Northern Ireland on December 06, 2017:

What a terrible start to life and yet, you were led to someone who helped you recover the person you were meant to be. You also worked very hard at helping yourself, instead of just lying down under the burden. Amazing!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on October 05, 2016:

@helenstuart Thank you Helen for leaving a comment. I admire the fact that you wrote about what happened to you in spite of it being a terribly hard and painful thing to do. Incest is for a lot of people a very uncomfortable subject to read about. But I am sure that writing about what happened will prove to be therapeutic and hopefully another step towards your complete healing.

helenstuart on August 25, 2016:

reading this I thought it was a new hub, because I just wrote a hub about the long incest relationship with my father. It was by no means any choice of mine. I feel certain he started when I was an infant, because I never remembered a start, I never remember knowing it was at all wrong, but my mind kept one memory alive for me. It is so hard to talk about to people. A lot of your commentrs seem uncomfortable, you know. And people do think you WANT something if you reveal it. I had Stockholm syndrome 1st, I don't know how I could have kept talking to that man. I don't think I'm healed. It was incredibly hard to write and I was shaking, and very mean afterward, but I know God kept me alive and even hopeful, too.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on May 17, 2015:

Wow what a kind and inspiring comment, I am touched by the fact that you will be taking away pieces of my story as a source of encouragement. I certainly have found pieces of your own as an encouragement to me. Thank you so much for sharing and leaving a comment that not only blessed me, but will also bless others that happen to come upon this page by accident as you did :D God bless and keep you

Elizabeth Hunsader on May 17, 2015:

Thank you for sharing your story! It's so amazing how God can bring someone through anything. Although I can not even come close to understanding your life journey, I can say that I had trauma in my past in which I was diagnosed with Post-traumatic stress disorder. I had the most amazing people and family support and it was still difficult for me! I cannot imagine being "the elephant in the room" over and over again for something that was NEVER your fault! Given my generation (I'm 27), seeking professional mental help is no longer a sign of weakness or taboo like it used to be so I had that on my side as well. You're truly an inspiration to me! I also had a moment with God (and I do now to this day!) that really changed my life. It wasn't until my life was in complete shambles, and I was self medicating with drugs that I truly turned to God for the first time. I had a near fatal overdose in which I remember yelling at Him because I was angry he didn't just take me and made me stay here in my own hell. I also dared God to show me what the heck He wanted from me swearing to the sky (good thing we have a very forgiving God, eh?;) ). Following that, I had gone so far to sign a "Do Not Recucitate " order.

In 2012, I had lost my best friend to an accidental drug overdose & I never knew she even had a problem. I realized how selfish I was to her because when we'd talk, all I did was complain about my miserable existence. It was then that I made a vow to myself that since I disrespected her in a sense in life, I have to make for certain that I don't disrespect her in memory. I could never abuse a drug or alcohol again. I went to a church and prayed like I had never prayed before. I said to God broken before him- "Ok. You win. I surrender." It was in that moment that I felt God for the first time pumping through my veins and He never left. To this day, I have no clue why God felt I deserved a second, third, and now fourth chance at life when my best friend never even got a second chance. Im not so sure i will ever know that answer.

Because of what began as a single traumatic event, so many blessings have come out of it. I had to make that conscious decision to start living proactiveIy instead of existing reactively. I strive for this! I learned that you can turn anything into a blessing. Even if it's something as simple as sharing your painful past and as a result, even one person learns from it. I know I learned from reading your story, and clearly many others have too! This coming week, I'm traveling to my favorite most beautiful place on earth, Lake Superior in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, and setting out on a solo 3 day backpacking trip with nothing but necessity and a video camera to do video blogs. My purpose for this is to participate in my best friend and I's favorite past times. We met at a residential camp as kids and went back every summer eventually becoming tripping staff leading girls thru a wilderness trek. During this time, I'm going to be vloging memories at certain points and what i learned each place. Each place i want to take something as simple as a stick to encorporate into a Native American dreamcatcher. It's because of her that I am here to be able to chase my dreams.

I find it odd that I came upon this completely by accident. I will definitely use pieces of your story for reminders and encourageement! Thank you so much and may God always bless you! :)

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on April 15, 2014:

@fpherj48 What a beautiful comment you have made my day thank you so much :D

Suzie from Carson City on March 26, 2014:

maggs....a very sad and moving true story, with a wonderfully inspiring message that has touched my heart and sincerely moved me. Peace to you.........UP+++

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on March 14, 2014:

@ katwoman55 It is my pleasure

Katheryn Markle from Chester, West Virginia on March 13, 2014:

Thanks so much!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on March 13, 2014:

@ katwoman55 Thank you for you lovely and encouraging comment, and for you kind words. I await eagerly your promised hubs, it is clear that you have much to share, it is time now for you to launch out and write your hubs.

As you publish your hubs, you will find that the followers will come quickly because you give them something to follow. Thank you once gain for contributing to this hub via your comment :D

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on March 13, 2014:

@ Mark B Fowler, thank you for your kind words, and for understanding that the point of this hub is God's loving kindness towards us.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on March 13, 2014:

@Widdah Thank you for your lovely comment and for the blessing you give at the end of it, I will treasure both :D

Katheryn Markle from Chester, West Virginia on March 01, 2014:


Thanks so much for sharing because every time you do, you have lessened your pain, and in all likelihood other victim's pain as well. "How?" you may ask, and the answer is that validation is important to all humans. You need never be alone again. It happened to other children who were precious, innocent, and trusting, just like you and me.

'Been here three years and have not written a hub yet...but I can relate to your feelings and some of your sexual abuse. I am a survivor! I have a voice! The anguish of being violated by some perverted thoughts, and the damage to self, can sink one into secrecy, playing out the pseudo self role, remaining silent and fooling yourself, but never knowing this consciously. Been there, done that.

I am a very strong, assertive woman that humbly accepts the gifts in life I have been graced with. As a result of having been a victim of physical, mental, verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse while still developing, my life was forced to be someone I am not.

Here me roar! I am free of some of those chains that bound me. I believe that there is more I do not recall, at least visually. Long story! I tend to forget that some or all of any abuse could have take place in dark, secretive places one cannot see the flashback...I have had all kinds; mental, visual in mind's eye, sounds, tastes and touching.

I know that the God I believe in loves me, blesses me tremendously and has been with me all my life.

Anyhow, thanks for letting me share and look for my hubs coming up! I need fans people!! LOL :P


Mark Fowler from Lincoln Ne on March 01, 2014:

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is a beautiful example of Gods love for all of us.

Cassandra from Georgia on February 26, 2014:

Wow. I was left many things: Heartbroken, speechless, sickened, angry, frustrated, and finally...inspired, to be compassionate to others, and loving. And to remember that God does not abandon his people. What an awful beginning, with a gracious end. I'm happy life improved for you, and that there were two people who cared for you as their own blood, and stuck up for you when no one else would. What's saddening is that this still happens, most of the time right under our noses. It's unfortunate, but there are good people still roaming around. Thank you for sharing your story, it was courageous. Bless you on your further days.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on December 25, 2013:

Thank you idigwebsites for your comments, and like you I hope that my story will help others that have the same kind of background

idigwebsites from United States on December 12, 2013:

You know if I were a victim of incest I couldn't have brought myself into relating the experience... Children born of incest bring the burden of rejection and the feeling that they are to be blamed for all this although in truth they are not... They know nothing of the abuse.

But you are a survivor maggs, I really admire you, you are brave in the face of seeming hopelessness... and I pray to God that your transformation will continue. I hope many people who experience the same fate will get inspiration from your story.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 02, 2013:

Thank you Schoolmom for your kind comments, it was my pleasure to share what God has done for me, and you are so right, God's love can overpower and transform every circumstance.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 02, 2013:

Thank you Schoolmom for your kind comments, it was my pleasure to share what God has done for me, and you are so right, God's love can overpower and transform every circumstance.

Schoolmom24 from Oregon on September 01, 2013:

Thank you for being so transparent in tell your story.... You are right, it is a beautiful illustration of how God can take something meant for evil and turn it into something good. As a mom of two daughters 11 and 14, it's painful to think about what happened to your birth mom, as well as to you. But God's love can overpower every circumstance. It is amazing how God showed you His love and let you know the greater truth- that you are valuable to Him and that He loves you so much. Thank you for sharing this!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on August 02, 2013:

Thank you Mary for your kind words, rest assured I don't feel guilty, and you may be right about my birth mum, though I have a feeling that the abuse may well have carried on after I was taken out of that situation, I hope that it didn't for her sake. Thank you so much for reding this and for taking the time to comment.

Mary on July 31, 2013:

Your story is so moving... Always remember that what happened is not your fault. You should not have to feel guilty for the incest. According to me, it's a good thing that your mom got pregnant so that her father could stop raping her. So your mom should have thanked you instead of rejecting you. You are amazing! Thanks for sharing and keep faith!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on March 31, 2013:

Thank you Martie I am glad that you liked my reboot :) thank you for the good wishes, and I have no fear of ever sinking into that particular hole ever again, the encounter with God's love destroyed that inferiority complex and I was truly transformed by the unconditional love, the old has gone.

I am so happy that my story has touched you, thank you for telling me I appreciate you doing that

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on March 31, 2013:

Thank you Gypsy and you are so right it was God alone that turned this thing around, thank you for reading this, for commenting, and thank you most of all for the blessing, God bless you too :D

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on March 31, 2013:

Thank you so much Sannel for your lovely comment, and for the blessing both appreciated very much :D

Martie Coetser from South Africa on March 30, 2013:

maggs224 - what an extremely sad and touching biography! I have no words, only tears.

But how wonderful was your reboot and restoring.

Here and there I could relate - I know what anger towards God is - self-destructive. And I eventually got over it via a different message.

This message of yours is another eye-opener for me: "....that what was done to me, was done to Him. When they neglected me, they neglected Him, and when they didn't love me, they didn't love Him."

We are all representatives of God. The concept we have of Him, is besides the point. Let's just call him Love. Shame on the one who fails to be this -

This is one of those hubs I will not be able to forget.

I wish you all of the best ahead. May you never again sink into an awful inferior-complex.

Gypsy Rose Lee from Daytona Beach, Florida on March 26, 2013:

Reading this incredible story I must say it was God who pulled you through. I am so glad that it all finally came together for you. Keep the faith and God bless.

Sannel on March 26, 2013:

This is such a heart wrenching story, and it had me in tears. Tears for what you had to endure as a baby, and tears for knowing there are so many other babies in the same situation even today. However, it was also a story of strength, courage and happiness, knowing that you were blessed with adoptive parents who loved you very much. I'm glad you finally were able to find peace with God. We should all remember:

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard

Thank you for sharing this very emotional and moving scribe.

God Bless,


maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on March 09, 2013:

At the time I was born the social stigma of having or being an illegitimate child was much greater than it is now.

But like most things in life it is not how you start that counts so much as how you finish :D

Thank you so much for commenting I appreciate it :D

Pamela N Red from Oklahoma on March 07, 2013:

How sad, unfortunately this happens more than we would like to admit. I have a relative that was the result of incest between a sister and brother. He turned out fine but moved out of the country to get away from the shame. It's too bad that the child often suffers when it's not their fault.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on March 07, 2013:

Thank you, Everyday Miracles, for both your prayers and your comments, I appreciate both.

I am so sorry that I missed your comment when you originally posted it and that it has taken all this time for me to acknowledge it.

Becki Rizzuti from Indiana, USA on January 12, 2013:

Thank you for sharing this, Maggs. I'm praying for you and for your family. What a horrifying situation turned beautiful by God's love and light.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 15, 2012:

Thank you Tami, you are so right and I can tell you that I have been surprise by joy when the storms of life have been at their fiercest.

As you have said, He is so faithful, God bless and keep you too :D

Tami Fite on September 15, 2012:

Your story and testimony of how God met and revealed Himself to you is inspirational. Just when we have doubts, someone's testimony reminds us of just how real HE IS! This also encourages me that no matter how bad life seems, God does have a plan, and HE is faithful to complete it! God bless & keep you!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 15, 2012:

Hi CrisSp thank you for your kind words, but it isn't hard to relive the past while writing this because all it does is rekindle the memory of the amazing grace and love that I encountered when God touched my life and set me free.

Thank you also for the blessing Peace and Love to you too Maggie :D

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 15, 2012:

Thank you so much Faith Reaper I have and still am living a blessed life. God has been good to me. I was at a women's meeting this last week end of course it was all in Spanish and they talk so fast that a lot of what they say goes right over my head.

It is amazing though how God can still use people to bless you even when you don't always understand what they are saying and amazingly he can still talk to you through their testimonies.

Thank you so much for commenting your comments are a blessing I pray they will return to you an hundredfold yours in Christ Maggie :D

CrisSp from Sky Is The Limit Adventure on September 15, 2012:

This is a very powerful and moving hub. You're certainly a wonderful person and very courageous to share your story with us. I can just imagine how hard it is for you to relive the past while writing this piece. Although sad, you have penned your story so neatly. I have to vote up and across except for funny.

I'm pretty sure it has served the purpose well. You've set yourself free. Life renewed. Peace and love to you~

Faith Reaper from southern USA on September 15, 2012:

Praise the Lord!!! He has set you free to be who you were meant to be in Christ! You have overcome and broken free from that bondage. God bless you dear one for sharing your powerful testimony. This is a stunningly profound piece and God has done a mighty work in you. When I came to your profile page, I was just drawn to read this. I mentioned in my comment to you previously, that I just had returned home from a women's conference about being set free from bondage, and then I was abundantly blessed once again to read this amazing story of healing and restoration. Voted Way Up to the Heavens and beyond, except funny. I must share everywhere. In His Love, Faith Reaper

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on August 13, 2012:

Thank you Prayzes so much for your kind and generous words, I appreciate them very much.

May God continue to bless you too :D

Prayzes on August 11, 2012:

Praise the Lord for His graciousness towards us. Thank you for sharing your experience with God. I am a Substance Abuse Counselor and many of my clients have experienced horrendous and/or harmful abuses when they were precious little ones. It has caused the questions to emerge in my thoughts along that vein - Lord why would you allow this? Your revelation will bring healing to many. May God continue to bless you.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on May 04, 2012:

Thank you so much for commenting peeples I'm glad too :D

Peeples from South Carolina on May 04, 2012:

This was a great hub that hit very close to home for me. I'm glad you were able to find peace with your God.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on January 17, 2012:

Hi Ararita, thank you so much for your kind words and thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this hub it is much appreciated

Ararita on January 15, 2012:

Dear Madame, you are a hero, and you are not alone.

I always said that hell and heaven are here on earth; it s hard to create your own heaven when you born in hell.You did it!

Many hugs dear lady, and be proud!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on December 14, 2011:

Hi Levertis many many thanks for you kind comments they have made my day :)

I am so pleased that you enjoyed reading this account and blessed by the comments that you have left.

Levertis Steele on November 21, 2011:

What a success story! What a testimony! Anyone who has had the same experience, and there are many, can only be uplifted by it. Thanks for sharing.

Levertis Steele on November 21, 2011:


I am speechless and very emotional, but pity is nowhere around. This is a powerful testimony about escape, discovery, peace, salvation. I do not know exactly what to say. This has blessed my day. Thanks!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on July 16, 2011:

Hi Steph thank you for your wonderful words you are so kind I really apprecciate the fact that you have taken the time to leave such a lovely comment.

I am so sorry that I have taken so long to respond but I have no internet access at home at the moment and I am waiting for Telephonica to come and give me a line they say it should be no later than September. Spain and Telephonica move to the beat of a different drum :(

Steph Harris from Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom on July 10, 2011:

What a heart wrenching story, I am very pleased to hear that God was able to give you help. As somebody who was a victim of incest myself, I can well understand all of the anger that you were feeling, and the self protective wall you can build around yourself, but I never went through the hurt and damage that was done to you in the first twelve months of your life. Wonderfully well written, brought quite a few tears to these crows feet.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on November 13, 2010:

Hi Poohgranma, thank you so much for your kind words. I am afraid that I can’t take any credit here I tried numerous ways to master my life but I always ended with more problems than I started with. I don’t think that I would have ever got out from under if God had not set me free.

When God’s love touched me and touched my life everything changed. This song pretty much sums up what happened to me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aO1ge8ASZQ

Thank you once again for your kind words they blessed me and I look forward to getting to know you better. Maggs

Poohgranma from On the edge on November 13, 2010:

You have moved me to tears with this hub, not an easy feat. Your matter of fact recounting of such horror shows me that you have never considered self pity as an option but have accepted and mastered your early life. God certainly uses us, if we let Him, to bring testimony of His goodness. There is no doubt at all in my mind that He was with you all along and that He is with each of us even in the most horrific, mind numbing times of our lives. I will be following you, for sure, and am so pleased to find such a talented writer and a fellow Believer. Thank you, seems in adequate for sharing this part of your very soul.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on July 29, 2010:

Hi Tony I am no stranger guilt or to the white hot heat of hatred and revenge, thankfully though not for many years now. I think that you might find my hub on offense of interest. The cause of the offense was a minor petty thing but the effects that it caused in me ruled and reigned my waking and sleeping hours for years. Here is the link https://hubpages.com/health/The-Consequences-of-Ta...

you suggest one from NOTTINGHAM ENGLAND on July 29, 2010:

Hello maggs,quite a moving story,not easy to relate to strangers such a harrowing part of ones life,but for everyone of you who finds salvation in God's or anyone else's acceptance and forgiveness,for that is what we seek,there are many more of us still stuck in that world of pitiless guilt,the feeling that fills my soul and has done for many years is one of unrelenting revenge either in this world or the next,a world from which I was returned by my gaurdian Angel,a LADY I will never forget,I only hope that she does not return for me until my task is complete.you take care.TONY MARTIN.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on June 08, 2010:

thehands, thank you for reading this hub and being kind enough to leave a comment I really appreciate it.

Jorge Vamos on June 08, 2010:

Thank you for having the courage to be so vulnerable and honest.

This hub was an odd synchronicity, as just a few days ago, I learned a similar secret about someone I know personally, that he had been born under the same circumstances, the product of abuse by a father towards a daughter.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on February 24, 2010:

JustG, thank you so much for your kind comments, and I am so glad that you feel His presence too.

JustG on February 24, 2010:

It is absolutely brilliant and awe inspiring. Not just your bravery but also your faith, I totally relate to it because I feel His presence around me just like you. Thanks for sharing.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on February 04, 2010:

Lita many thanks for your kind words, I have never blamed my birth mother, she was only a child herself and had no choice in the matter.

You are so right when you say that God's grace has changed the person I was into the person I have become and I wouldn't change my background now if I could, though if I could I would change what happened to my birth mother at the hands of her own father.

Lita C. Malicdem from Philippines on February 03, 2010:

Dear Maggs,

Right off, I say you were a brave little girl because you didn't freak out from the harsh life you were introduced into.

You can't blame your mother, you might as well be thankful you came into life, what if she aborted you?

This testimony is an eyeopener to would-be incest. I congratulate you for standing tall and proud. Yes, I'm also a Christian, I believe your faith is continuously doing wonders your way. God's gracious grace helped you come out that way. I admire the strong woman that you have become. God Bless you, my friend.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on January 25, 2010:

lala thank you for your comments, and your thanks both appreciated

lala on January 07, 2010:

thank you for your courage to post this. i don't believe in god, but i believe in humanity. thank u for sharing it with the world.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on October 01, 2009:

fastfreta Thank you for talking the time to read this hub and for leaving this comment. This incident took place nearly thirty years ago and so great was the power of God that I was transformed by this encounter and those things lost their power over my life when God set me free. I agree with you that we have to be vigilant as the enemy is always trying to steal our joy and peace and if we aren't vigilant we can let things back in that we have been set free from.

Alfreta Sailor from Southern California on October 01, 2009:

Dear Maggs, I only wish this were fiction. Your beginnings were so heart wrenching. Reading personal stories such as these makes you look at life differently. I am so glad to hear that you are on the mend, and what I encourage, is to use what you have been using to continue managing your recovery. Never take what you have,(your recovery), for granted, because as you stated some of the things are waiting below the surface to creep back, always consider yourself as you were, so that you will continue vigilant. Well let me stop now, this really touched me deeply and I could go on and on. Thank you for bearing your heart and soul for all to read.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 30, 2009:

DeBorrah God certainly does have plans for our testimonies that are far reaching and beyond our imaginations and comprehension. How God uses someone raised on the other side of the world to touch one person who then goes on to touch another and so the chain goes on and we rarely get to see where the ripples start and who gets touched along the way but this was one of those rare occasions where we get a small glimpse.

Thank you for sharing this with me it helps to know that there is a purpose for us sharing the not so pleasant aspects of our lives. I thought long and hard before putting this up as I was not sure how it might affect those I love if they should read it especially if their friends read it I thought that it might be a cause for shame or embarrassment. However I am glad I did post it and your words are a great encouragement to me.

Elder DeBorrah K Ogans on September 30, 2009:


Thank you!

You are confirmation that God works in mysterious ways After coming across your testimony I knew it was not by coincidence. Recently, I had an intense all day counseling session with a family. (It was only supposed to be for an hour) But because of the intensity of it all it lasted literally all day! First with the couple and then with the children, then all together! As I listened to the wife I could see the contortions of intense pain in her face. I continued to listen. She cried, talked then she wept this went on for a while….and then she begin to wail. Her husband had no idea of this deep pain that has…….

Right there in the forefront of my mind was your testimony. Then as she talked to me she wailed so loudly and profusely. I went into a deep calm as she wailed louder and louder she put her head on my shoulder and it eventually turned to sobs that got quieter and quieter. There was a release of intense pain that had been buried for years and…….. I could go on..., but I knew immediately what was happening. This has happened before but not with this intensity! The Lord had me read your testimony the day before so it was fresh in my mind! it was not by coincidence. It was to prepare me! I cannot tell you the burden that has been lifted from this family. You never know who you are helping by sharing. I just had to come and tell you that we serve an Awesome God! He is able to use what was meant for evil for Good. The TRUTH really does set you Free! Thank You! Thank You ! may the Peace of God always rest upon you!


Nothing that happens in life gets by the Lord!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 24, 2009:

DeBorrah thank you so much for taking the time to read this and for posting such kind comments and you are right God has worked a marvelous miracle in my life

Elder DeBorrah K Ogans on September 24, 2009:


Your story was so intensively moving. As I read I was saying to myself Please let this end with you discovering GOD! If not I will have to find some way to say; God really does Love you!

This is absolutely wonderful the freedom and transparency that you have shared. Releasing the anger and bitterness has made you only better! Thank you so much for sharing this.

Each persons' life experience is quite different. But one thing I do know is that there is only One GOD who knows all and sees all! Yes He can take your brokenness and make you into a usable vessel for His Glory! You are like precious gold that has been refined in the furnace of life. You have come through the fire stronger and better than ever!

Once you really discover that God loves you, has a place for you it makes ALL the difference in the world. You can learn some things in studying psychology but God's ways are past finding out! It will toss out any theory not one can be tossed out like garbage where He is concerned.

"And we KNOW that in All THINGS GOD works together for the good for those who love the HIM when you are called according to His purpose!" Romans 8

He has certainly worked a marvelous miracle in your life.

Thank you for sharing!



maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 09, 2009:

Thank you Daniel for your kind and insightful comments I enjoyed your hub and as you say there are some commonalities between us

Daniel Carter from Salt Lake City, Utah on September 09, 2009:

Very powerful and beautiful hub, maggs. A few commonalities between us. :-) So much of surviving abuse is letting go of the past, and it seems such a complicated thing to do. I think, personally, that all these things go cellular in us, meaning the effects are imprinted in our cells throughout our bodies. Of course, it's just a theory, and I have no proof, but why else does it take so long to recover from such trauma?

So glad you have shared this experience.

Sending best and kindest thoughts. Thanks for taking a look at my hub, as well.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on September 09, 2009:

thanks Ethel for your kind comments,it is so awsome how God takes the garbage situations in life and turns them into something productive instead of life diminishing.

Ethel Smith from Kingston-Upon-Hull on September 09, 2009:

I'm glad that for you God came through. What an inspiring and humbling tale Maggs

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on July 24, 2009:

Rochelle thanks for your comments I am glad that you were moved by the redeeming power of Gods love in my life

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on July 24, 2009:

Tammy thanks for your comments my life has had very more blessings than it has bad things. I am blessed by the way God turned the worst areas of poverty in my life into strengths. When younger I was unable to love or be loved and God turned me into one of his lovers. Since he touched me and changed me God has given me the ability to see something in everyone I meet that I can love, and often I get life's rejects come across my path and I get to watch them transform under the influence of God's love for them. God has been so good to me,so don't waste your tears on me.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on July 24, 2009:

RF thank God that it is not the hand you are dealt that defines you but how you play the hand. God has been very gracious to me and I don't think I would change a thing from my perspective because God has turned all those negatives into positives.

Rochelle Frank from California Gold Country on July 24, 2009:

This is a very powerful and moving story-- the kind that comes from true and painful experience. Your Sunny smile shows that the worst of all possible beginnings can be redeemed.

Thanks for sharing such a personal and painful story.

Tammy Cornett from Ohio on July 24, 2009:

maggs...I can't believe I hadn't seen this before.

I don't even know what to say--you are an amazing woman, which I already knew, but knowing now what you've been through, and how you conquered your demons and won...wow...I am even more in awe of you.

I couldn't believe what I was reading--it took forever, because I couldn't stop the tears...I felt like I was right there with you all along, but helpless to do anything for the innocent little baby that was you.

I thank God myself that he helped you through this--your hub has re-affirmed my own faith...

God Bless You! ~~hugs~~

raleyfamily on July 24, 2009:

Oh, wow, what a story!! Oh what a lady you are. I was thinking of those very scriptures as you wrote. God loves all the little children, and they are all worthy, no matter what or how they came into being.

I wish you and my two year old son Tommy could meet! He had such a rough start, too!

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on June 07, 2009:

Hi Daniel because for so much of my life I was emotionally numb I didn’t really experience that much pain at the time it just was what it was, and now that I am emotionally free and in touch with my feelings God did such a good job of healing me that there is no pain associated with this part of my life anymore. I am glad that you feel closer to me after reading this I feel the same after reading your poems

TJ Daniels on May 28, 2009:

Maggie, all I can say is WOW!! You have a such great grasp of language that all readers are able to comprehend all of the anguish and the pain and suffering that you lived through, yet survived. I feel drawn much closer to you, after reading about your struggles. I hope you'll accept this in the spirit that it is meant. 'Cyber Hugs' TJ

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on May 07, 2009:

Thanks Mighty mom for reading this hub, I have read some of your pages and I like your wrting style very much so I value your comments and encouragement

Candie V from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure! on May 06, 2009:

Checking in on you, again.. Mighty mom is right. This is powerful!

Susan Reid from Where Left is Right, CA on May 06, 2009:

Oh, Maggs224. You've done beautiful job of painting your transformation. Your descriptions of loneliness and despair are powerful. It's so hard for child to understand why the grownups in her life treat her the way they do. So sad that you took the brunt of the anger for your father's sin.

I honestly was NOT expecting the resolution you present! But of course salvation by God is the only explanation for your surviving this ordeal. I think it's no accident you majored in psychology. The urge to understand "WHY" must be very, very strong. But ll the psych training and therapy in the world cannot provide a satisfactory answer. God's love, on the other hand, provides a more than satisfactory alternative.

Good for you for having the courage to write this. I know you are not alone. I also know that others will benefit from reading of your experience. Thank you! MM

Candie V from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure! on May 06, 2009:

Maggs - LOL I was editing the one on Greg dying when you replied, so we're even!! It is worth the risk.. the one I did on the "road not taken" was my risk piece. go forth and conquer the world of hubland! (I think quit smoking was coming from your beginning when you mention it starting as fiction) just a thot..

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on May 06, 2009:

quit smoking thanks for taking time to read and comment I think it is more a case of lived it than doing research.

maggs224 (author) from Sunny Spain on May 06, 2009:

Wow Candie you are quick off the mark I was still correcting the typos. Thanks for the comments I felt vunerable as I hit the publish button but I think it is worth the risk.

Candie V from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure! on May 06, 2009:

All I can say is YES period. Thank you for allowing yourself to do this. To be vulnerable. To be transparent. To acknowledge that God wants to take the broken things in our lives and transform them into incredible works of art if we will but allow Him to. YES. {{{Hugs}}}

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