Why I Crochet With Love
Remembering Who Taught Me To Crochet And Why I Crochet
Crocheting should be prescribed as an aid to relaxation. When I crochet I feel very relaxed and I can be engrossed in crocheting for hours. I crochet for the comfort and pleasure it gives me. I could not remember who taught me to crochet the basic stitches I know, until today when I remembered.
For years I have tried to remember who taught me to crochet. I have gone right back in my memory and could find no memory of someone teaching me to crochet. I used to think that maybe my one and only foster mother taught me because in my memory, she was the only one who ever showed me any attention when I was a child.
I was about 5 years old, in a children's home called 'Cubley Hall' in a a place called Penistone which is on the edge of Peak District National Park in Yorkshire. I had been placed there because my mother was an abusive, raging alcoholic and was incapable of taking care of herself, never mind me and my siblings.
One day I was introduced to a couple who I will call Jane and David. This couple took me home with them. I now understand they were foster parents.
They showed me kindness and love for a short time and I was grateful. Up to meeting Jane and David, I had never experienced kindness or any form of love. At home I was abused mentally, physically and sexually. There was no love or kindness.
With my parents I lived in dire poverty. No inside toilet, plaster unpainted walls, bare floor, tin bath and frozen windows in winter. My foster parents lived in what I can only remember as being a beautiful home. The brightest, most beautiful place I had ever seen in my life. With the foster parents, I had a good life and was treated like beautiful princess instead of feeling I was nothing but scum of the earth.
These foster parents took me to parks, shopping and bought me ice creams from an ice cream van. I had never been allowed an ice cream from one of those vans that played music. They bought me toys and books and taught me to read and write and I remember it all.
One night, I had diarroea and had an accident while laid in bed. It went all over my new crisp white bedding, on my new nightie, all over the bed and every where. Even though I was so young I clearly remember feeling the fear of what would happen to me because of what I had done. I felt terrified because I knew too well what mother would do to me if I pooped on the bed, she would have killed me. She would have dragged me around by my hair and slam me into a freezing cold bath and probably try to drown me like she had tried before.
Love And Kindness Goes A long Way
As I laid in my own filth, too terrified to move, the bedroom door opened and Jane came in, quickly swooped me off the bed and carefully removed the pyjamas before gently putting me in a warm, soapy bath. It was all like a dream to me. Jane wrapped me in a big, fluffy warm towel and then I put on clean pyjamas and got into a clean bed. I remember apologising over and over because I thought they would not want to keep me now I pood the bed, but they did keep me, for a short while.
I am remembering today for the first time, Jane teaching me to knit and crochet. One morning, I had spent the morning shopping with David, my foster dad. When we got back from shopping I skipped into the house feeling excited and happy and I remember, I felt loved. I ran towards my foster mum to give her a hug and to carry on the crochet lesson we had started earlier, but before I reached her, I could tell she had been crying. I heard a voice in the background saying, 'we have come to take you home to your mam, you will have to come with us'. It was two nuns all dressed in black that had come to return me to my abusive alcoholic mother. Two nuns who were sending me back to hell.
I held onto my foster mother and I was screaming and begging please don't make me go. Blood curdling desperate screams that I can still hear and feel sometimes. Next I remember I am back in the hole, that was called my home and being abused.
It took me a long time to stop feeling the desperate grief I felt at losing my foster parents. One day, I was about aged five or six, I was in the bedroom crying for Jane because my mother had beaten me. My mother told me that David and Jane had had been killed on the motorway while coming to visit me. She said it was my fault they were dead. I think I shut down emotionally at that point in my life for a long time.
My mother would not let me crochet. She said I was too stupid to crochet or do anything so I did not try again for over thirty years. Long after my mother past away.
I am grateful to the foster parents for loving me and for being so kind and giving me a skill that brings pleasure to me and many. I know they loved me because I feel the love through each stitch I crochet. The love they gave me so long ago helped me to survive the life I went on to live. They gave me a skill that helps me to relax for which I am grateful. It was 55 years ago and I remember them with love.
These little catsare not perfect but that's okay. I had fun trying to make them. My grandchildren all have a cat crocheted with love and they love them.
Learn How To Crochet Cat
Crochet With Love
I crochet everything with love in my heart because I feel so relaxed when I am doing it. My intention is to put love into every stitch. I have spent my life searching for love and acceptance and then recently, I found true meaning of love.
I was diagnosed with cancer. From that moment on I knew that my mission in life was to send love to those in search of love like I was.
Crochet To Cheer Up
Whenever I am feeling low, or the weather is cold and gloomy, I pick up a crochet hook and my day will be lifted in moments. Crocheting to me feels like meditation, I always feel calm, relaxed and at peace after doing a few lines of crochet. Crocheting turns off my conscious mind from the constant chatter that is always going on in my head and it feels good to have a break from myself now and then.
I feel great pleasure when I crochet because I love the colours of the wool and its the colours that makes me smile. I love putting colours together that I think will bring pleasure to others. When I have crocheted something which is just two or three stitches used, I feel like I have created a work of art and that makes me smile.
I get great pleasure from giving my little creations to friends, family, charities and whoever wants one. I get pleasure from making what I make and other's get pleasure through my relaxation time creations.
Learning To Crochet
Some of My Other Articles
- Feral Cats Of Playa Blanca, Lanzarote Part 1
The cats of Playa Blanca, Lanzarote are cared for by Freddy's cat house.
- History of Hypnotherapy and Its Uses
Brief history of hypnotherapy and its uses in modern times.
- Disappointment And How To Feel Better. My Experience
We all experience disappointments in life, but not all of us have an extreme reaction to it. This is my story of a devastating reaction to a life experience and how I dealt with it.
- A Review of "How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have," by John Gray
Stuck in anger, shame or guilt? Stuck in a negative emotion? This book might help. Learn to process negative emotions.
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