What to Do When You Feel Unappreciated

Updated on February 20, 2018
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Rev. Margaret Minnicks writes for HubPages and Blasting News. She loves sharing interesting information with people all over the world.

What It Means to Feel Unappreciated

To feel unappreciated is the opposite of feeling appreciated. When a person believes he is unappreciated, he believes he is not valued and often not fully understood. He feels as if people have put him on the back burner or treats him as if he doesn't exist. A person who is unappreciated is not recognized in certain situations by his own family, close friends, co-workers, or members of his own church.

Being unappreciated is not because of something someone has done or not done. It might not be a person's own fault that he is not appreciated. It might be a flaw in someone's own character that makes him not appreciate you. The person might see something positive in you that makes him jealous and rejects you.

Unappreciation Spreads

People who feel unappreciated in one place tends to feel unappreciated in other places. For instance, a person who feels unappreciated at home might have some of the same feelings on his job, at school, at church, and in his community.

Therefore, it would be wonderful if a person could stop feeling unappreciated in one place when it first happens before the feeling spreads across the board into all places where he has to be.

Appreciated or Unappreciated?

Throughout this article, I have been careful to say, "When you feel unappreciated" instead of saying, "When you are unappreciated."

Many times we feel unappreciated when we are actually appreciated. There just might be as many signs of appreciation as there are signs of unappreciation.

When we expect to be unappreciated, we are almost never disappointed because we will find evidence to prove that our thinking is real.

People who don't appreciate you usually don't make eye contact with you or call you by your name when they talk to you. They treat you as if you do not exist.

Feeling Unappreciated on Your Job

There is something you can do if you feel unappreciated on your job, especially when you know you have done nothing wrong.

Kathy Caprino, a women’s career coach, suggests something to do when you feel unappreciated on your job.

  1. Appreciate yourself even if no one pats you on the back.
  2. If you appreciate yourself, others will notice and treat you the same way you treat yourself.
  3. Appreciate others, and they will appreciate you.

When you focus on being appreciated, you will be. When you focus on appreciating others, it will have a boomerang effect. The feeling you show toward others will come back to you.

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Feeling Unappreciated in a Relationship

If you feel like you are not being appreciated in a relationship, perhaps your feelings are warranted. It might be a difficult decision to make, but the best thing to do is to get out of the relationship. Sometimes a person should say goodbye to a relationship when you are not valued. However, each case is different. Some relationships you can't get out of, such as a family relationship.

Dr. Gary Neuman, a renowned psychotherapist and family counselor, emphasizes that a person needs to feel valued in any relationship for it to be healthy. He says that all people deserve and need appreciation for who they are and for the things they do. He concludes that there is no inspiration for a person to move forward if he feels unappreciated.

Appreciation matters in any relationship. Those who express appreciation for their partner and friends are more likely to be committed to the relationships.

Feeling Unappreciated in Your Own Church

Many people leave their own church because they do not feel loved and appreciated. This is evident by the number of people who are leaving the church after years of being faithful members.

When the pastor and other leaders do not show love to their people, it is hard for people to stay where love should abound. People shouldn't be blamed for leaving a church where they are unseen, unloved and unappreciated. They are not expected to stay and take it when there are so many other churches available where they can be seen, loved and appreciated.

Things to Do When You Feel Unappreciated

According to Parent Co, there are some things you can do if you feel unappreciated.

  • Sometimes people are not aware of how you’re feeling. Therefore, communicate your feelings to them. Give them the opportunity to tell you that they do appreciate you. Perhaps you have read the signs wrong, and nobody has set out to devalue you after all.
  • Know your own worth instead of depending on what others think about you.
  • Take inventory of the role you play in feeling unappreciated. Evaluate your own life and determine what you are doing to give others reasons to make you feel unappreciated.
  • Determine if you are reading too much into the way you are being treated.
  • Show appreciation for others instead of waiting for them to show appreciation toward you. When you show appreciation for others, they will show appreciation towards you.

Where do you feel unappreciated?

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Questions & Answers


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      • revmjm profile image

        Margaret Minnicks 2 months ago from Richmond, VA

        I know, Dora. I have heard it said that we give people permission to treat us the way they do.

      • CaribTales profile image

        Dora Weithers 2 months ago from The Caribbean

        This is my takeaway. I think it's so important. "Take inventory of the role you play in feeling unappreciated."