Ways How to Overcome Insecurity

Updated on May 18, 2020
manunulat profile image

He loves to write. It is his passion. It is also his time of reflection and a time to discover more about life.


In the mirror, I see a beauty unlikely to me. I desire something else others can be. But, why can't I be?

It is the cry of a soul hungry and cold. It is searching high and low for something to hide or devour.

Do you see YOU be like others? Or, do you like others yet you can't be? Then, this article is your meant-to-be.

What is Insecurity?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is the state of having a feeling of doubt and apprehensiveness about oneself. In other words, it is when we become uncertain about ourselves. It is when we are unsure of what we can and what we have. As a result, we feel deficient about ourselves. We tend to either belittle ourselves, become jealous of other's capabilities and possessions, or treat others with bitterness as the mask of our insecurity. Indeed, this affects our interaction as well as our relationship with our loved ones and the people around us. Thus, overcoming it is vital.

From: charminlindholm(dot)wordpress(dot)com/tag/love-tank/ LOVE TANK
From: charminlindholm(dot)wordpress(dot)com/tag/love-tank/ LOVE TANK

Primary Cause of Insecurity

Before you can get over it, you have to identify first its primary cause. According to Psychalive, the very root of our insecurity is painful childhood experiences. An example is being yelled at by your parents or bullied by your playmates or other people. Because of these experiences, you start questioning yourself about your worth. Your self-esteem starts dwindling as your insecurity blossoms. Eventually, you would become a person having an empty or half-full LOVE TANK.

Yes, you heard it right: Empty or half-full LOVE TANK. I know you might be wondering what on earth it is. To tell you, I got this term from Brother Bo Sanchez, an inspirational speaker, and author. It is an intangible tank within us. It gets filled every time we receive proper and appropriate attention, care, acceptance, and love from our parents, friends, loved ones, and people around us. So, what happened if it gets full? What if not?

Well, a full love tank boosts our self-confidence. It gives us an assurance that whatever we love doing we will be accepted. Thus, we have the guts to do it. Moreover, it makes us comfortable with what we are. We certainly can feel that we are loved and accepted. So, we don't need to look for something else that will complete us from others because we have received enough already in our love tank.

On the other hand, an empty or unfilled love tank would leave us hanging. There would always be a feeling of insufficiency. Then, we would start looking for it and seeing it from others. Consequently, we become bitter and envious.

Therefore, our early experiences which affect the content of our love tank could either make us confident or insecure.

Insecurity Checklist

Sometimes, we are too blind to see ourselves. Others are hesitant to say what they see. So everyone seems nothing has seen. It seems nothing is wrong.

So for us to know if you are insecure or not, I have come up with the checklist:

You compare yourself to others.

It is in comparing you see the differences, either good or bad. But, if you are insecure, what you can see is the goodness of others which you wished to have. Then you would disparage yourself with what you see. You would be hesitant to try things because you fear that others would be better than you are. Sooner or later, you would suppress all your potentials.

You do not feel happy about the good tidings of your neighbor.

If you are insecure, the happiness of others is your bitterness because you feel you are in misery and seeing others joyful makes you lonely in such a situation. Under the circumstances, you would either decide to be alone and depressed or be aggressive towards others as your defense mechanism.

You are afraid of correction.

What you have seen in yourself are already mistakes. So correction coming from other people would add up to your injury. Aside from the thought that you cannot measure up other people, the fear of making mistakes and being laughed at is also a reason for not doing things.

You pretend you can. But, you won't try.

Being boastful can be a sign of insecurity. It is your way of telling others that you are superior yet deep inside is an afraid little child that when tested would shiver.

You try hard to acquire something because others have it.

It is your other tactic to cover up your insecure self. Hang out here and there. Shop everywhere. It is as if you have all the riches of the world. Spoiling oneself is good provided that you have the budget to spend on it. But, you do this out of envy then there is something wrong with you.

We come in different colors. We are unique.
We come in different colors. We are unique.

Overcoming Insecurity

Insecurity is unhealthy for our being. Thus, taking action to overcome it is imperative before it eats up and destroys our living and relationships.

With, here are some of my suggestion on how we could overthrow insecurity from our system:

Self Acceptance

Remember we are all unique individuals. And, every time we compare, we always see differences because of that fact. I cannot stop you from comparing yourself to others. But make sure you have to accept what others have which you don't have. More so, acknowledge what you have which others don't have as well. You are special. There is always something good in you. You have to see it. You have to accept it. Do not look for yourself from others. You have to be YOU, no one else.

Love Yourself

If others cannot fill your LOVE TANK, then who else will? It is you. Yourself is counting on you. So, do not be too harsh on yourself. Do things which can make you happy. Never mind what others would say. After all, they will always have something to say. Just be strong.

Moreover, do not be afraid of making mistakes, we all do. But don't miss to learn from them. They are rich in wisdom.

Also, even though your parents, your friends or the people around you are not showing love on you, remember God created you with purpose and by his great love. He loves you more than anyone else here on Earth.

Appreciate Others

For me, this is the perfect antidote of envy. It is accepting and acknowledging the goodness of others. It is an expression of humility. I know it is awkward at first. But, it is just at the beginning because once you have already started doing it. It would be easy the next time. So, what are you waiting? Swallow your pride. Dump your fear of being overpowered. Be defenseless. No one is better than the other. We measure up one another.

Know Your Dreams

Stop chasing the dreams of others. You have your own business to manage. Know what is yours and chase. Shout it out. Let other people laugh at it. But let yourself be strengthened by it. Ensure that every day, you would be closer to them. Let it be your inspiration to wake up every morning. You are not in competition with the others. You are to beat your own time.

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

— 1 Samuel 16:7

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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

    © 2018 Jason Behm


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      • manunulat profile imageAUTHOR

        Jason Behm 

        17 months ago from Cebu, Philippines


        Yeah, I agree social comparison is so widespread. And to help one avoid it needs other one to appreciate him or her. As the other one, let us start appreciating someone his or her goodness no matter how little it is compared to his or her flaws. Magnifying goodness for the good of world. :)

      • FlourishAnyway profile image


        17 months ago from USA

        Comparing oneself to the next person, a person will always feel like they fall short. You're right to recommend avoiding it although social comparison is so widespread.

      • manunulat profile imageAUTHOR

        Jason Behm 

        17 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

        Thanks, Manatita! You are inspiring and motivating me more to do more good hubs. Thanks.

      • manunulat profile imageAUTHOR

        Jason Behm 

        17 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

        Thanks Mark. I am really hoping that at least this could help someone out there experiencing insecurity or even recognizing that they are having it and eventually get rid of it as soon as possible.... :) Thanks once again...

      • Mark Tulin profile image

        Mark Tulin 

        17 months ago from Santa Barbara, California

        Well done. Insecurity involves so much and I think you brought this problem to light. Identifying it as such is the first step.

      • manatita44 profile image


        17 months ago from london

        It is a motivational and educational piece with some invaluable advice. Excellent work!

      • manunulat profile imageAUTHOR

        Jason Behm 

        17 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

        Hi Dora!

        Thank you so much for dropping by! I totally believe that we are all good!!!

      • manunulat profile imageAUTHOR

        Jason Behm 

        17 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

        Hi Mary! Thanks! Acceptance is also important.

      • MsDora profile image

        Dora Weithers 

        17 months ago from The Caribbean

        Jason, you gave us some valid reasons both for experiencing and for overcoming insecurity. "There is always something good in you" is helpful to remember.

      • aesta1 profile image

        Mary Norton 

        17 months ago from Ontario, Canada

        You are right about appreciating others as an antidote to our insecurity. I also believe in working on self-acceptance as the areas in me I have come to accept, I definitely will accept in others. Great article.

      • manunulat profile imageAUTHOR

        Jason Behm 

        17 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

        Oh thanks Audrey. When I first heard of love tank, I got fascinated as well. I am glad I found a way to share what I learned from others and from my experiences. Thank you for reading my hub. You are one of the reasons why I keep writing.

      • vocalcoach profile image

        Audrey Hunt 

        17 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

        I love the idea of a love tank and keeping it full. Your hub is full of excellent and powerful messages. We absolutely must work on loving ourselves as you state in this article. This is where love begins. Thank you.


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