Things I Left Behind and You Should Too
Take Up Your Doormat
Perhaps last year or in previous years, you allowed people to walk all over you just as they would walk on a doormat when going into someone's house.
You might have allowed others to treat you like a doormat because you wanted to avoid confrontation. However, you lost respect. Actually, standing up for what you believe is quite empowering and brings along respect and a lot of freedom.
Let this year be the time for you to put your foot down instead of letting others put their foot down on you. Demand respect instead of letting people walk all over you.
Give Up Toxic Relationships
A toxic relationship is defined as one in which one or both persons in a relationship feel manipulated or controlled. The person might be constantly put down and treated like a nobody, especially in public. The controlling person will often try to get a one up on the person who is being manipulated. No matter what the person has done, the controlling person says he has done it better. The controlled person's opinions don't seem to matter even when people take the time to listen, which isn't all the time.
A toxic relationship is not limited to just couples. Toxic relationships can be between romantic partners or business partners. That type of relationship can be between two or more family members, co-workers, or church members.
The best thing to do is to recognize if a relationship is toxic and then seek to do something about it. Escaping a toxic relationship might mean getting away from the person and leaving that toxic person behind.
Stop Saying "Yes" When You Want to Say "No"
Many times people say, "Yes" to people when they want to say, "No." Whenever they give an affirmative for something they don't want to do, they do it grudgingly. The person might get the work done by you, but you won't enjoy doing it.
Why do you say, "Yes" when you want to say, "No"?
A reasonable answer is because you don't want to let people down. You don't want to disappoint people, make them angry, hurt their feelings, or appear unkind or rude. Instead, you choose to let yourself down. You don't want to be judged, rejected or disliked by saying, "No." You don't want someone thinking you are selfish, unkind, rude or a bad person.
"No" should not be an off-limits word. Instead, it should be one in everybody's vocabulary based on individual discretion. The word "No" should be your friend.
Realize that you are valuable and you should have no problem choosing your own opinion about yourself over others. If you try to live your life based on other people's approval, you will be disappointed because people will let you down. When you continually say, "Yes" when you want to say, "No," you are putting others' desire above your own.
Tips for Saying, "No" With Confidence
You will know you shouldn't have said "Yes" if you try to get out of it. It would have been better to say, "No" in the first place without having to come up with a lie to get out of doing something you really didn't want to do. You would have saved yourself a lot of stress, resentment, and even anguish.
Here are some tips to help you say, "No" with confidence.
- Be direct without beating around the bush.
- Just say, "No" without apologizing or feeling that you have to make a case for saying, "No."
- Don’t lie. Lying will eventually lead to guilt.
- It is better to say, "No" now than to resent it later.
- Be polite by saying something like “Thanks for asking.”
- If you know you don't want to do something, there is no need to put it off by saying, “I’ll think about it.” That just prolongs the situation and brings on stress.
- Know that your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for others, especially when you don't want to do something for them.
- You should have the privilege of saying how you want to use your own time, energy and effort.
- Don't feel guilty about saying, "No" to someone. More than likely, they have no problem saying, "No" to you.
Get What You Deserve
Someone once said you don't get what you deserve. Instead, you get what you negotiate. People treat you the way you give them permission to treat you. If you have allowed people to get the best of you all your life, they will continue to do so unless you negotiate otherwise.
Draw a line in the sand, and negotiate what you deserve based on your self-worth, your God-given gifts, and talents. If you don't do so, people will give you the least while expecting the best from you.
Get Rid of "If Only"
"If only" is an expression with doubt in it. It is something you want to happen, but you are not sure it will happen, and if it does happen it will not be good. The phrase highlights the reality that someone is searching for something beyond his reach.
Once you say, "If only" you establish a barrier between you and what you want to do. Eliminate all "if onlys" and live a better life.
Eliminate "What If?"
"What If?" is a hypothetical question when the person who asks it is not sure what is ahead. Often, the person is expecting the worst while hoping for the best.
"What if?" is a question that asks someone to imagine what might happen in the future if something is done or not done.
When you say, "What if?" you are wondering or asking about the consequences of something happening, especially something undesirable.
We should live by faith without asking a lot of "What ifs?" Instead, we should silence the "What ifs? and replace them with "Even if." That's what the three Hebrew boys in the fiery furnace said, "But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up" (Daniel 3:18).
Take "I Can't" Out of Your Vocabulary
Often people say "I can't" out of habit. Once they say those two words, they feel excused from having to do what they say they can't do. People who say, "I can't" do so to get off the hook of doing something.
Sometimes, it’s perfectly reasonable to say, "I can't." For instance, if you have not passed a driver's test and gotten your license, saying "I can't" will be true. However, when people say, "I can't," it is often because they are judging themselves as inadequate.
It is not fair to say you can't do something when you have not even tried. For instance, if you say you can't ride a horse when you have not tried, might not be true at all.
When you say you can't do something, you are sapping your power to do it. You are calling it forward not to be able to do it. You are putting that message in your mind and spirit when you say you can't do something. If you focus on not being able to do something, you will not be disappointed because you won't be able to do it because you have said so.
It might be hard to believe but there aren't many things people can't do if they have a sincere desire to do so. It is rare that there’s anything people can't do if they truly put their mind to it.
It is easy to change a “can’t” into a “can" when you get information about what you want to do and take the necessary steps to do it. The only thing that stands in the way of you doing something is you. Think of the things you thought you couldn't do but you did.