The illusion of “I’m okay”
Are you really ever okay when you tell someone that you’re okay or you’re fine. Or are you bottling it up to just let that bottle explode and fizz out into the ever growing pool of tears that you let stream down your face and fall at your feet?
Are you saying you’re okay because you’re afraid that someone won’t be there, won’t help you, or won’t find you the help that you need? Are you fearful of asking for help, and showing weakness?
I’ve been there. I’m still there. I’m trying to find my way out of the shadows that I have become.
You’re not weak for asking for help.
Most wait until it’s too late, until they’ve reached that edge, or until that pool of tears becomes noticeable to a passerby—or your bottle has burst open and you’re left wishing you asked for help.
I’m still searching... I’ll find it someday. I’ll find that courage to admit that I am not okay, that I need help, someone to talk to who doesn’t know me or my history. Someone who will listen when I reach out for help—even if it’s a subtle question that to most should be a sign of help. I’m not one to just say I need help and I will deny it if you straight up say it. I need to be pushed... but most of all I need to be loved and shown that I am loved. I require those reminders... even if it seems stupid or annoying.. to me they might just be a life line.