The Best Advice Ever If You Want to Be Happy
Believe it or not, there is a very real possibility that you are guilty of failing at happiness because you lack the insight as to how all of these seemingly joyful people manage to "choose" it in the first place.
Are You Happy Right Now?
Are you a happy person?
I am going to assume not, since you are here right now reading this article.
The search for happiness is a constant it seems. At surface level, it appears as though happiness is everywhere. Everyone else seems to be smiling, joyful.....positive even.
They make it look so easy.
So why does it feel so difficult for a lot of us to experience the simple concept of just being happy? Why can some manage to accomplish this simple task while others just can't?
Because you are doing happiness wrong of course!
Yes, you read that right. Believe it or not, there is a very real possibility that you are guilty of failing at happiness because you lack the insight as to how all of these seemingly joyful people manage to "choose" it in the first place.
But guess what? I can show you the exact reasons that you might be having a bit of a hard time with the whole "choosing happiness" thing, and offer some fun tips and tricks on how to change it.
“People who fit don’t seek. The seekers are those that don’t fit.”
― Shannon L. Alder
How To Choose Happiness
One must realize that with anything gained, a sacrifice must be made.
Happy, blissful, people are those who meet the status quo. This is just the simple truth. These same people make the choice not to be happy, but to create the environment that allows them to be happy.
As simple a concept as "choosing to be happy" is, one must consider the necessary factors that happy people embrace that gives them permission to be happy.
To summarize: the choice to be happy is an illusion. The choice to conform is the reality.
The real question here is, what are the necessary ingredients to obtain happiness? Read on.
You Must Sacrifice
There is that word again. "Sacrifice". In order to get, you must give.
In terms of obtaining happiness, there are certain key things that one must do. Those things are:
Be Conventionally Attractive
Happy people are also sexy people if you haven't noticed. And why not? They live in a culture that endlessly rewards people strictly because they are visually appealing.
Just take a look at the story of "Hot Con" Jeremy Meeks.
Jeremy Meeks as most of you know, is the "Hot Felon" whos mugshot went viral back in 2016 after the Stockton Police released it to the public.
Jeremy Meeks track record includes:
- Charges of robbery and corporal injury to a child.
- Gang affiliation with the Crips
- Leaving his pregnant wife shortly after returning home from prison
What a stinker this guy is huh? Sounds to me like this is definitely not someone who you would want at your table during Christmas dinner. Surely this violent offender will not be greeted with open arms by a society that believes in justice....
Oh wait. We actually made him go viral and he was also offered multiple modelling contracts.
Now, I believe in second chances and redemption and all of that shizz. But I can't help but feel totally disgusted that this man, who had violently attacked a child, was greatly rewarded nonetheless strictly because he is attractive.
There are literally millions of examples that I could give you, but this one is a fantastic one to showcase.
The point is, this is not unusual and never at any point has been.
Happy people are sexy people, and they are happy because society allows them unbelievable levels of privilege that is denied to anyone else who is not also sexy. The same levels of fame and fortune would never have come his way if he was aesthetically stunted.
And that is a fact.
Get Rich Or Die Trying
Happy people are wealthy people.
You betcha! Like our previously mentioned "Hot Felon", those of us who enjoy incredible levels of wealth also enjoy an incredible levels of privilege.
I don't mean just in the sense of being able to buy whatever the Hell they want (although, it's a perk). I mean in the sense of evading any sort of ramifications for being absolutely terrible too.
Not only can they buy the biggest Yachts and go on the best vacations. They can also evade any sort of legal consequences while still being completely adored and supported by the general public.
In some cases, they even become the President of the United States.....
What a concept. And so obvious at that! If you are wealthy beyond your wildest dreams, can do anything that you want (regardless of who you harm in the process), totally evade any sort of responsibility, and still be admired as a goddamned Saint and even be given a seat in the Oval Fucking Office? Best believe that the Happy Cup will be spilling over with rainbows and unicorns my friend!
Happy people are wealthy. Wealthy people are powerful. In order to "choose" happiness, all that you have to do is get rich.
Bonus: the wealthier you are, the less attractive you need to be. If you can manage this one, you can ignore the whole sexy thing. But, being sexy AND rich is definitely the ideal.
Selfish People Know The Secret
Selfish people are happy people. And why not? When you are selfish and even Narcissistic, the world really is your oyster.
Being selfish is easy when you think about it. All that you really need to do in order to be totally selfish is:
- View others as a source for personal gains.
- Exploit others to obtain personal gains.
- Be inconsiderate of the thoughts and feelings of others.
- Bully and intimidate those who are "lesser" than yourself
- Understand how "power and control" work, and prey on the vulnerabilities of other people.
That's it! Isn't that easy? Put yourself on a pedestal and run that shit, Pal.
Your admirers and slaves will thank you for it.
Ignorance Is Bliss, Yo
Happy people are stupid.
Similar to selfishness, our current culture really really loves stupid people. The stupider the better.
Take for example, Danielle Bregoli.
Unless you have been living under a rock somewhere up in the Andes, chances are good that you know who Ms. Bregoli is.
Just to be certain, she would be the viral sensation, otherwise known as the "cash me ousside" girl who appeared on an episode of Doctor Phil back in September 2016.
You can explore this one further here.
To spare you a complete cranial explosion, I will summarize:
- Danielle appeared on an segment of Doctor Phil called "I Want To Give Up My Car-Stealing, Knife-Wielding, Twerking 13-Year-Old Daughter Who Tried To Frame Me For A Crime" on September 14, 2016 (fucking seriously).
- While being belligerent to Dr. Phil as well as the live audience, members of the audience booed and shamed Danielle for her rude and disrespectful nature.
- Danielle responded to the audience with the threat of "cash me ousside, how bow dah?" (English translation: "catch me outside, how about that?")
Ewwww. How fucking stupid is this girl, right?
Danielle became an overnight viral sensation for her newly coined phrase, and has since gone on to become an influencer, recording "artist", and trending entrepreneur.
Danielle currently enjoys paychecks to the tune of $20,000 per appearance at popular clubs. Her biggest "hit" is called "These Heaux".
Please avoid that link if you value your sanity. You have been warned.
Other examples of famous, awful, ":stupid" people would be The Kardashians, Justin Bieber, Paris Hilton, The cast and crew of Jersey Shore, etc. The list is endless really.
So, if you are one of those critical thinkers, think again. Stupid people love "stupid" people. Stupid people reward "stupid" people.
You might be wondering why I have used quotations on the word "stupid" here when referring to the dancing monkeys. This is because THEY are actually brilliant. WE are stupid.
How so you ask? They managed to exploit the stupidity of the masses in order to become rich and famous.
These "stupid" people couldn't exactly reach celebrity status if they had nobody to give them the status in the first place.
George Carlin really said it best when he said
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups"
Stupid people are happy because intelligence is frowned upon.
Intelligence and critical thinking require effort, which our current society has about zero real interest in.
Ironic how the era of "Smart Technology" seems to run parallel with the era of Willful Ignorance.
But I digress.
Stupid people are happy people. If you wish to achieve the same levels of joy as those with the great big plastic smiles have accomplished?
Learn how to be stupid.
See? Happiness isn't so hard after all.
The Ants Go Marching Down
Finally, the last ingredient necessary to complete our happiness stew, is complacency.
Your days of asking questions are over, Smartass. Get back in line.
As the song says, it wasn't the ants marching "2 by 2" who got them all caught in the rain. It was the "little one who stopped to tie his shoe." Think about that.
The truth is, nobody likes a "whistleblower." In fact, we are so opposed to truth and justice that we have very little (if any) qualms with calling those who even think to question the Official Narrative any of the following:
- Tinfoil Hatter
The truth is inconvenient. The truth forces us to have to make an effort and/or accept that something isn't right.
Truth is also incredibly dangerous. A fact that I am most certain that Edward Snowden can attest to.
The solution? Complacency. Follow the fucking leader, bro.
Adhering to the status quo is just the safer bet. It's the popular thing to do and is the least likely approach to land you in hot water. Aiming for complacency walks hand in hand with being stupid. If you are stupid, complacency comes almost naturally. You can't really have one without the other.
Remaining complacent removes the need for taking action towards change and justice. It keeps you safe and secure, and allows the abuse to fall on the "crazy people".
And you certainly do not ever want to be one of the crazy people. We love to punish these guys.
Happy people are complacent people. If you wish to join the ranks of the "Happy Folk", it would be best to hang up that tinfoil hat from here on out and start paying attention to the "Best and Worst Dressed List."
Remember: raising a stink is also making the active decision to remain unhappy. Therefore, you are the only one to blame if you wind up depressed and insane at the end of the day. Get back into the box or find out what really happened to that poor little ant who felt the need to stop and tie his shoe.
The choice is yours.
Are You Ready To Choose Happiness Yet?
In closing, you can see that I have clearly outlined a perfect system in order to stop being such a miserable bastard. Let's go over it one last time, for the sake of clarity.
Happy people meet the following requirements, despite what reality and truth seem to dictate. Once again, these are:
- Be Attractive
- Be Wealthy
- Be Selfish
- Be Stupid
- Be Complacent
There ya go! Follow these simple key principles of happiness, and before you know it, you too will be smiling like a goddamned fool while turning the other cheek to all of this annoying "reality" and shit that is obviously not even real to begin with.
Happiness is a choice, after all.
Only you can choose to take the necessary steps to bring happiness and joy into your life, and it starts by leaving your identity behind, following the crowd, and ignoring the truth.
Nobody likes an individual who thinks outside of the box and does things differently. Differences are scary! Do you really want everyone to be afraid of you?
Of course not! Scared people are capable of that thing called "herd mentality", and there are no shortage of misfits who have suffered the consequences of non-conformity.
Don't be that guy.
I hope that this article has been eye-opening for you. When you start to consider perspectives, it makes complete sense as to how you have likely gotten it all wrong from beginning and as a result, have very likely caused your own depression!
Happiness is a choice. D'uh.
Cheers to your new life. If I can do it, anyone can.
This piece was written from a place of blatant sarcasm with the intent to openly criticize our current cultural climate while shed light on the whole "just be happy" narrative. Specifically, how it is drowning out the voices of those who are trying to express why there is a lot more too it than just "choosing to be happy." It is recognizing how challenging that is in an extremely hostile and marginalizing environment. I find the "happiness is a choice" regime to be both disingenuous and highly irresponsible. It ignores the variables while also blaming the victim.
This piece is NOT meant to cause offense so much as it is meant to start a discussion. Additionally, it is meant to point out how delusional and self-serving societies have become, while also identifying how our culture is totally desensitized to the suffering and disadvantage of those who do not conform to this lunacy. This is not to say that everyone is bad, ignorant, or wrong for finding snippets of joy in specific areas. It is to say that we have a responsibility to recognize the reality of it all as well, and collectively unite to stop the madness.
I wish every single person peace and joy. But, it is a work in progress that does not seem to be on it's way anytime soon.
Questions & Answers
© 2018 Amber Slater