Sometimes Your Mind Can Be Your Worst Enemy
It can just sneak up on you without notice. You can't control it.
The feeling of wanting to stay underneath the covers and never leave your bed. Just wanting to sink into the darkness and not let the light in.
You try to fight and fight over and over again, but the darkness overcomes you instead. It takes a toll on you, you don't want to do anything. You don't know whether you should cry, scream or just lay there emotionless.
Friends and family try to help and say the right things and give you the best advice possible, but all those words go through one ear and out the other.
You feel broken.
You can't breathe sometimes, it feels like you are suffocating in your own skin. You are so unhappy with yourself that you want to tear your own skin apart so you can finally feel free again.
Your mind begins to be your worst enemy. You listen to all the voices inside telling you all the negative things you don't want to hear, but you welcome it because you don't know what more you can do.
All the memories you have made, the happiness that you had just disappears and fades away without any warning. It's not fair.
You were so happy, laughing, smiling that no evil could enter. In a split second the walls tumbled down and your anxiety and depression take over.
It's back to square one.
You hurt all over, All you see now when you look in the mirror is a stranger looking back at you. It's scary, you are scared because you don't know what will happen next.
You have no control anymore.
You have no energy left inside to fight, but you try and try to get the strength back because you don't want to give up.
Living on autopilot every day, doing the same old routine. You don't act depressed or angry, you act happy so nobody can ask you "Are you doing okay today?" "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?".
You are lost with no fork in the road. But you need to find that path, you need to escape the darkness before it fully takes over before you make that one decision that you can't fix once it's made.
You look at yourself in the mirror once more, and this time you look deep in your eyes. Tell yourself "I can fight this, I can do this." " I am strong, I can win this." "You have a long life to live. No more sulking, no more."
Close your eyes, take a deep breath. Once you open them again, your life will change.
Change the nightmares into dreams. Follow your dreams, complete your goals, listen to your heart. You are brave, you are strong.
Put the depression into a small box, lock it, and throw it out into the sea and let the waves carry it into the unknown.
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© 2018 Jessica Sullivan