Seasons of Waiting
Breaking Free From A Bad Relationship
Young women don't always know whats good for them. This was also the case for me, because almost ten years ago, I was trapped, trapped in a one-sided relationship where I did everything while my ex seemed to breeze through life relying on my (and my family’s) support and generosity. I had known him since elementary school, so we started off as being good friends. We dated in senior high school, and it lasted about ten years. I never knew I could get so riled up or feel such anger and frustration being with him, because it wasn't a partnership in any way. It took an immense emotional toll on me. So I quit. Quit the relationship, quit trying, and just gave up.
I was not one to quit anything so this was especially difficult for me. After all I completed my bachelors degree through correspondence (distance learning) during this time as well, and even though things were difficult around me, I stuck to my ambitions and completed my degree. I prayed constantly for things to get better, but year after year they seemed to get worse.
I didn’t know what was ahead of me, and I certainly didn’t know whether I’d find happiness again. But I cut the apron strings and let go. I moved in with my diplomat aunt in another country. A country that didn’t even speak any English. But I was thankful that I at least had somewhere to ‘escape’ to, not everybody is that lucky, most women have to continue living in the same town with their exes, and I imagine it is so much harder to leave and never look back. I was blessed in this way, and I was more than happy to leave my family and life behind, because I have been a traveler from the time I was little. Living in different countries was no longer daunting to me. After all, when I was only 14 years old I lived with that same aunt in New York City where I was pretty much alone too – because my aunt worked long hours at the office (sometimes till midnight) and I hardly saw her. Also, I had no family nearby to spend time with, they were all on another continent. It was too great of an adjustment for me and I felt isolated because I was so young, so I moved back to my home country before even finishing the school year in 8th grade, and went back to my old school at home. This time I was 27, I was ready for the move.
During the tumultuous years that I was with my ex (my entire teenage years as well as some of my young adult years) it seemed like God was silent. Like my prayers were not being answered, like I was overlooked. But I kept praying even though I felt forgotten. It went on for at least five years. I felt weary, and stressed out. This ex-boyfriend was basically one of my best friends since childhood… what if I lost other friends by breaking up with him? What if he changed for the better right after I left him? I went back and forth about it until I made the decision to leave him at the start of the 11th year. He proposed marriage (without a ring, but promised he would ask his mom to buy one). Ridiculous, I know, but that was my reality - what I allowed. I declined. He didn't accept my decision (because it wasn’t the first time that I had tried to break up with him). But this time I was completely fed up. I declined the marriage offer and left anyway. I got on that 12 hour flight and flew to Europe where my aunt was living.
Silence. That was all I heard. Here I was in a foreign country, where I had zero friends, and on top of that I felt bad for turning down my ex. I was alone. Or so it seemed…. for like the first week! I met my husband within a week of leaving my ex-boyfriend. I know – it sounds like my husband was a rebound guy but it wasn’t like that at all. I was new to the area, and so was he. Both of us had had bad breakups in the past year. We just hung out, traveled together, and we enjoyed learning about each other’s cultures. He was American. It was refreshing – challenging – but refreshing. I never thought I could feel so free and so at ease with another person who was so different from me until I met my husband. We laughed at the same things, we enjoyed the same food, we shared the same values, and most of all we respected each other. I couldn’t believe that this was even possible, but I guess God’s timing was perfect. Not too late and not too soon. I realized that I should have more faith in His timing, for it was indeed perfect.
God Answered My Prayers
Not only had God been listening to me all those years, but He also answered my prayers in the exact way that I wanted him to. I prayed for a husband, a man who would put me first, a man with a gentle demeanor, a respectful man, a kind and loving man – and this is what I got. I didn’t realize it at first but when I looked back in retrospect at my prayers, I realized that I received exactly what I asked for in a husband. God had prepared me in the process of waiting.
That was eight years ago, we're happily married with two beautiful children—who we also prayed for and were blessed with.
God is faithful.
“Rest in the Lord, wait patiently for him to act …. Don’t fret and worry — it only leads to harm.”
Psalm 37:7-8 LB
Is it harder as a woman to breakup with your partner? Do you feel guilt if you do?
Do you feel that woman are more conscientious than men? (aka care what other people think)
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