Agnes Elmira Kepler draws from many esoteric paths to work through midlife transitions as a Teacher and Healer of the Mystery.
Inspiration For A New Philosophy
When it comes to manifesting my core visions, it’s essential for me to have a Functional Weekly Regimen. A fundamental property of this regimen for me is to remember my “6 Balance Points of the Human Condition,” I derived from a movie with Gerald Butler called Mavericks about surfing the 30 foot waves in Hawaii during El Nino in the 90’s. Watching it the first time brought up fond memories of myself during that same period, when I was young, healthy, working part time, going to college, dancing with the modern dance company there, and attending regular therapy. Doing all this together gave me the sense of being in athletic training fostered by a quote on the wall at work: “Excellence is a habit, not an inspiration:” a paraphrase of a quote from a famous coach I think. I would take whatever chronic bad habits that were routinely corrected in dance class and “set that equal to” the more symbolic psychological issues that were co-recurring unresolved. Showing up every day and practicing these mindful daily course corrections in a safe, structured and creatively flexible healing container, brought forth a huge wellspring of creative success and accomplishment along with a Grand Spiritual Awakening Experience. Seeing this movie fifteen years later, it occurred to me that at that time, as much I was consciously seeking “Excellence as a Habit,” I still caught that original wave of inspiration totally by accident. A lot of favorable things came in my path because I was happy and healthy and open and things were working without much struggle, just good consistent daily hard work. But after all these years of hardship and healing work, maybe I can consolidate all my accumulated wisdom into a more objective and intentional daily practice that can help me get back on track, without jumping straight to Athletic Training this time. I guess what I’m saying is, it was easier then to follow thru on that conscious practice because all the structure and mentoring was built in and life was good. Now after so much hardship and loss, it feels “False” to be required to reassemble this structure from scratch and necessary to “Act As If” which rather goes counter to my nature. However, perhaps this time the results will be even more meaningful and permanent doing it in this way.
This movie helped me remember and reset. The Gerald Butler character was mentoring a kid next door in training properly for these monster waves with his 4 Pillars of the Human Condition: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual. He submitted his apprentice to actual extra study and essay writing in addition to practical conditional exercise, such as meeting a goal of being able to hold his breath for 4 minutes straight without passing out. That took daily practice over months. But this character had really only mastered the first two himself, barely addressed the third, and never really dealt the fourth at all, which was part of his own journey in the movie. Anyway, I decided I needed to add two more pillars and a new Philosophy was born.
The Mental and Emotional part of the plan involved writing about each of these Balance Points individually to define what any one of them means to me; what’s missing or interfering with getting my needs met therein; and my ongoing goals for growth and direction. Next I generated a list of smaller categories for all the larger goals, identifying the details of regular tasks and actions that fall into each category. In the Physical pillar, I established one day of the week to attend to each of these Balance Points; and each week I choose one of those actions from my outline for that corresponding day of week. Four years later, as of March 2017, I’ve finally finished this set up and ready to begin my vision work! This process involved Reconnecting My Root System: an Organic, Rhythmic, Repeating Pattern of Order from the deep. I grafted these "6 Pillars of My Human Condition" back to the trunk – Reconverging and Merging into a Great Center Mass of the Big Work to come.
My Original 6 Pillars of the Human Condition
|Name of Root||Department of Life|
Physical Health and Household Maintenance
Emotional Health and Adult Relationships
Intellectual Stimulation and Goals Planning
Intentional Connection with the Divine
Inner Child/Creative Expression
Artistic Work and Creative Play
Professional Work and Income
Turning the Fertile Ground of Chthonic Monsters
Spending most of 2013 reconnecting Platonically with two long lost male friends from those college days seriously triggered all that hideous Black globby energy after Christmas that year and I slipped into a huge funk. The First One was the Rock Star with Chronic Illness. Hanging out in his condo watching movies surrounded by all his high frequency consciousness raising conspiracy theories and all his Books on so much varied subject matter I haven’t read, such as the turn of the century British magicians and detectives, Harry Houdini and Alistair Crowley. All of which somehow tied back to our mutual love of Led Zeppelin. Even after spending all that time in poor health induced isolation, he managed to record solo music, get it out online, have articles written about him in Creem Magazine, and Still produce an independent movie about his life and music. The Second was the Chinaman with the mostly stable full time insurance job from my college art history class. He took me out to ethnically diverse restaurants and our Al-Anon meetings. However, our talks revealed to me how much like his underearning ex-wife I was, and the exact nature of his reclusive tendencies back to me and father. Whoops.
Seeing these men’s success and my supposed lack of, I was suddenly possessed by a belief that All my perceptions about my own growth all this time have just been a distorted falsehood, an incorrect inaccurate interpretation, and that something I once believed to be true about my own greatness, genius and inner richness was gone lost, had any of that ever been true in the first place. Even the Ex-Boyfriend’s 2012 thing: solving an ancient great enigmatic mystery for the End of Days. I thought I did that once myself almost a decade before; but at this time, I felt like I had no original thoughts anymore. That is some serious Depressive ACA Victim Vulnerable to Psychic Vampire sh*t: Another area that needs repair, Another intention to write about. Being restored to these 6 Pillars was leading to the restoration of my Somatic Protection against those types of forces.
This comes back to my root system and beginning to see my lack of attention to the light Body. In addition to which, the fact All my attention has been on my roots and almost none to my branches, has also been about that part of my nature that loves the Dark Goddesses who I now see live underneath the Glorious Structure in the Dark dry dirt. From the creatures living underground with Decaying Putrefaction stems an Overabundance of fertility that is now a Great Symbolic Archetype for the Actual State of my Life with its accumulated lifetime of clutter and negative thoughts. But now I also saw that the Cathedral at Chartres was built on the very actuality of fertile ground and divinity of earthbound Chthonic Monsters. There is much writing & study to do to harvest clarity around this and how deep it goes. The more I think about it, the Chartres Cathedral Glorifying Mary, Queen of the Angels and Mother of Jesus, has Shown Up in my life over & over & over again All This Time.
Gathering the Seeds of Intention
SPIRITUAL 2014 INTENTION
How opposite this seems. That dirty underground of Dark Matter and the Sparkling Luminosity of my Light Body. They seem so different, so completely unrelated. And Yet … and Yet … look they Both Belong to the Shekinah – Metatron Tree of Life. On Some Level now the essential importance that both need to be Reconciled Into my consciousness along with the value of staying in my limits and not being so quick to throw away all my arduous work in a moment of negativity. This practice not only brings more peace, but also preserves my own value and so much progress. A key here is remembering the other previous favorite resources that were originally compiled to craft this internal vision, as was the case Winter Solstice night 2013. I let my mind wander while racing to finish a storm of knitting projects - intended to be my Christmas gifts that year - and listening to my Dark Night solstice playlist. Spiraling down the labyrinthine paths that revealed themselves, my mind made innovative connections with my fertile creative past, even as the icky black globby thoughts & feelings from my shadow music rose to the surface. Such is the nature of the longest night leading up to the moment of Winter Solstice, after which the sparkling starlight of spirit is restored.
Remembering Mary, who is the embodiment of this Pagan Solstice Night recrafted for the Christian Christmas Eve, I found myself feeling my inner divinity and Emotional Pillar. Of course, I played The Mary in several of the 10 years I performed in Charles Weidman’s Christmas Oratorio, a nativity in modern dance, from which I drew from Henry James Cathedral at Chartres loaned to me one year by my Religious Studies Advisor, to develop character. Then I started to remember my many other sources of inspiration; hearing Bach’s Oratorio music that Christmas season on the radio and thinking about my Mirabiella/Unicorn of Unity Consciousness Meditation 7th Moon Meditation from Angela McGerr’s Heart & Soul Angel Cards. Spiraling “down, down, down, spin me around and around…” with Blackmore’s Night into Anne Bishops’ 6 Ebony Stones Abyss finally to the Sanctuary of Witch from her Black Jewels Trilogy helped me recover all these seeds. I DO still have my own original creative thought after all! The Veil was pulled back and Finally I see my Great, Deep, Deep, Deep Root System underneath. Like the self-educating Autodidact from that “Admissions” Movie with Tina Fey; I DO still have the ability, selfhood and creative ingenuity to solve the Great Luminous Puzzle.
Grafting the Roots Back to the Trunk
During this time, the Spiritual element emerged by taking this to my monthly women’s Moon Circle. January 2014, the Annual New Year of Tree “Tubatsabbat” turned into a very powerful event for me. Afterwards, I remembered the Virgin Mary’s 7 Pillars of Liberal Arts and Googling that on my phone was an even more powerful shift into an experience of culmination and Great Convergence. I didn’t even want to do tree drawing again for the 3rd time: I felt resistance but did it anyway and got in touch with a powerful Root System and my intention this year. My steady purging & organizing plan was really all about Reconstructing a Root System: imperfect but organically growing with rhythmic repeating patterns and consciously connecting those Back to my trunk. This along with seeing that Sophia picture of 7 Roots of Wisdom, I felt like a huge, important piece of me that I thought I’d lost many years and even decades ago had just been restored.
Everything changed in one moment and produced fruit: a new graduate school available to me for further study on this very discipline, Ubiquity Wisdom School with its Pilgrimage to Chartres every summer to study one Pillar each year in order. Not only do I have a wonderful new Mystery School and course of study to pursue and a new wealth of cool stuff to Hub about, but also broke my Writers Block and restored a deep well of symbolic and archetypal material to my own original image and therefore, my own creative intention for organization has a whole new grounding and I feel so much calmer with that whole thing. I feel like I have recovered a sense of Genuine Growth, which I’d been thinking was false and stunted before, because it led me into my Creative/Inner Child Pillar, and the series of resources I’d been drawing from in the decade leading up to this awakening.
I also saw these Moon Circle tree images each year Do represent some great Spiritual growth through just these past 3 years. Now I’m restored to a deep sense of Consciousness; not only do I See how the images represent such practical forward progress, but I integrate on a Deep Feeling Experiential level how True it really is. I am restored to the Shekinah/Metatron Tree in Full, and found myself and my divinity again in that tree. And once again my roots dug deep to center of earth and I found all my character defects and the excessive imbalance and fertility of Chthonic Monsters seen and identified. Now this year I could begin to evaluate the fertile ground and what to clear out and how to reorganize/ restructure the Root System and reconnect it Back to the Trunk [the big Work of ALL my 4th Step and Medical Inventories woven together; my Recovery Pillar]. The tree now Consciously Re-Rooted in clean, prepared and sacred ground, just like the Cathedral at Chartres was built on top of pagan sacred ground of Chthonic Monsters. Perhaps in successive years, the Trunk will be fully attended to and most of that magnificent work done and healed; then the Branches can finally be taken charge of and made attractive again to the pollinators of relationships and clients or potential jobs, The Financial Pillar. Maybe a little of that will get treatment again. My Tree from the previous year’s New Year Angel Card layout had evolved to next year’s Temple of Emerald Sea Crystalline Pathway of Healers, which is also a pole guarded by Shekinah & Metatron. I have always been a Teacher and Healer of the Mystery, and now the Healer Mystery School has a name: Blue Star, with a concrete course of study lay out in front of me. Thank You. Relief and Gratitude. A Clear Path unfolds for the journey ahead at last.
Now there’s just one thing left to do for the Vision to be Complete: update the Order and Number of Pillars which will be developed further as I complete my 2014 Intentions. Instead of 6 Balance Points of the Human Condition, I will add a 7th and call them Roots of my Shekinah/Metatron Tree and eventually combine them into Sofia’s Wisdom and Mary’s 7 Pillars of the Liberal Arts upon further study with the Chartres Wisdom School.
7 Roots of My Shekinah/Metatron Tree of Life
|Name of Root||Tentative Associated Pillar of the Liberal Arts||Associated Original 7 Planets|
Nourishing the Roots
The essay up to this point was compiled from various journal entries during 2013-2016. Upon putting them altogether for an updated review, I realized something very important was missing from this picture that only came to my attention in early 2017 when transiting Neptune is forming Quincunx to my natal Midheaven – which is apparently an opportune time to establish a career writing under a pseudonym! The personalized astrological wall calendar I get every year from Phil Levine Sirius Astrology gives an apt written interpretation of this transit along with an affirmation and visualization. This particular image at long last provided this missing piece: watering the roots! My underearning illness is a disease of scarcity with an addiction to deprivation. An enduring feeling of a need to perform all work without any joy and motivation, much less on a bare minimum of income. It's Too Dry. Not enough variety of fun and spontaneous input to provide sustenance to stimulate the creative spirit. My image of the ground underneath housing my roots was always Dry. There’s no water there to feed the roots!! I believe this might have something to do with an old mold problem in this even older house I live in. An old AC unit was leaking creating too much damp under the house causing a mold problem, creating a timely symbolism of the “Excess of Damp, Heat and Yang” energy feeding my then-fibroid problem. Both the AC, Mold and Fibroid problem has long since been resolved, but now my Tree of Life isn’t getting any water out of a past need to keep the damp away and no wonder I’m still broke. It’s time to update my image with a new and healthier way to source the water to my roots.
- Sirius Astrological Services
This site offers an exhibit of color starmaps from earlier astrology and provides detailed descriptions of the Cosmic Window and Sirius Astrological Services' other products.
Phil’s beautiful visualization has provided just what I needed: “Imagine yourself to be a tree (already covered.) Feel your roots sinking deeply into the ground, spreading out fever a large area (got that one covered too.) Imagine an inexhaustible source of water and nourishment being absorbed through your root system, drawn up your trunk, out through your branches and leaves, filling every cell, until there is no distinction between that source of nourishment and your body itself.” Aaaahhhhh! Thank you, Sirius Astrological Services. Shortly after this transit began its first pass, I found myself at spring sale of a local plant nursery, having a profound spiritual awakening in that fantasy dream world of fragrant plants and flowers, shrubs, bushes and trees radiating from my core this boundless luminosity of soul and spirit. Among my first tour of my new favorite place, I stumbled upon a prism on a chain to catch the light with a tree and blue green crystals underneath and above a large clear crystal. So that was my treasure for the day, the dark goddesses and chthonic monsters conspired to bring me this talisman of Light for my day’s journey. Perhaps now these essays will complete themselves in short order as my current philosophical governing image is now complete.
© 2015 Agnes Elmira Kepler