Parting: How to Cope with the Pain?

Updated on May 8, 2020
Chardie Cat profile image

Chardie Cat is an author and a blogger. He used to work in the fields of PR, Publishing & Internet Marketing. Now, he is a freelance writer.

Why is parting difficult and painful?

Source

Parting time is one of the emotional weaknesses of humanity, especially for us Filipinos. Maybe it is because we value family and relationships deeply. We are happy to know more about the people we come across and when we get to know them intimately, we tend to develop a unique bond that may last a lifetime.

When I lost my father in a military ambush 38 years ago, I cried no tears. I was barely four years old to realize that I can no longer see him. The only thing that broke my heart relating to that interlude was my mom’s crying and screaming even before the break of dawn for 20 long years. But when I lost my sister to leukemia 25 years ago, I was really devastated. I lost not only a sister, but a best friend.


We are hurting because of the good memories

Source

I have been through many goodbyes, which only means I had many suppressed crying. When I worked in a distant city for many years, living away from home was not easy. Each departure was tear-jerking. I wanted to question why I couldn't stay? Or why couldn’t they go with me? But there are things we need to understand if we want to survive, such as sacrifice and distance. Although goodbye is capable of lacerating a gentle heart, it has allowed the unsentimental side of me to leisurely develop.

There are people who consider each farewell as a warm welcome for something new. But for me, it is different. Except for family, goodbye concludes the chapter of my life with those characters. It is heartbreaking that pages of adventures, excitement, realizations, friendships, relationships, and worthwhile memories had to slip away. At times, it is unexpected; but even if you knew it, it would still sting deep inside. What matters most is that the book of our lives still has many blank pages for us to give life to new characters—fresh beginnings, new ventures.

When a chapter of our life closes, there is no turning back—only split seconds for a fleeting look. There is only one thing needed to do, move on. I believe that we have our own life to live; our own ‘goodbye’ moments to prepare. Well, we can always open those closed episodes anyway and relive the experiences—or perhaps, a codicil would be much better. I always believe that true friendships always stay behind and communication is always going to spare.


What relationship we build can tip without warning, so be prepared

Source

Though personally I can thrive in isolation, there are few people I came across, built strong friendships, or even intimate relationships, and left me for a much better chase that I revere and bring to mind at some points in time. It’s either they hurt me or I ill-treated them—or I made beautiful, timeless memories with them.

Our company may have ended—or partly done—but there is one thing I am sure of. They will bash in my daydreams and bring me to hiatus to chew on those times like drinking binge by the bayside from dusk ‘till dawn, chicken barbecue indulgence by the rock-strewn island road, passionate exploits on a shed in the middle of a dark farm, bedtime conversations towards oblivion, first dinner by the city street, sporadic hush-hush exchanges at work, erratic night-outs, and so much more to bring up here.

The most challenging part of this reality, however, is the coping period—to embrace the truth that we are about to live each day without those people who used to be part of our daily life. What effective mechanism should we use to make it through the torment of losing someone we love? When I lost someone dear, whether by relocation or death, I would be very emotional. But then, I had to admit that life is a journey and those who left are beautiful chapters of that journey.


How will you manage to weather this kind of storm?

While moving on takes a process, I will only share three things that I usually do to effectively soothe my heart. You can also do these if you are undergoing the same situation.


Allow Time to Help You with the Process of Healing

Source

Time actually doesn’t heal all wounds or assuage pains. It’s the thing that you do with time that does. But it is good to take some time off from the painful realities of parting. We need time to let everything sink in, to see the light in the dark time and to understand what you are going through. In my case, time gave me the chance to think better and feel a lot better. So, sit back and just be with time. Sooner, you’ll be fine.

Pay Tribute to the Person You Lost

Source

Some people say that to forget about the hurt is to forget about the thing(s) that hurt(s) you. I disagree. To forget them is like saying you have never wanted them in your life, at all. Give them respect. Remind yourself that you are hurting because they mean so much to you. If you lost them by death, you can preserve their memory in creative ways. And please try many other things so you can keep them alive in your heart and mind.

Entrust the Pain to Pen and Paper

Source

Maybe because I am a writer it is easier for me to pour out my emotional distress into a piece of paper. It really lightens the load when I scribble about the memories we’ve been through. And it makes me a little happier than sadder to recollect everything we shared before they left me or I left them. Writing about them doesn’t merely eases the sore, it also allows us to keep those memories from being obliterated completely in our mind. With technology, however, you can make use of your gadgets or devices to do this.

Goodbye is such a sad and lonely word. It hurts and leaves a scar deep inside, but it makes us stronger and teaches us to become more willing to say our own ‘farewell’.


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Chardie Cat profile imageAUTHOR

      Chardie Cat 

      2 months ago from Northern Mindanao, Philippines

      Yes, Eric. And let us always keep holding on to hope. Thank you for your thoughts.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      2 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      This is important stuff. I think we need to be careful with folks right now. Loving. Losing a job is like losing an identity. Here a job has been lost. Of course for us it means more hugs, more checking in and more diversions to cope. But also, straight up grieving. We are already seeing more rainbows.

    • Chardie Cat profile imageAUTHOR

      Chardie Cat 

      2 months ago from Northern Mindanao, Philippines

      I’m sorry for your loss, Swati...

      Thanks for dropping by.

    • Kh swati profile image

      Swati Khandelwal 

      2 months ago from Nainital

      I still remember the last goodbye from my father as he was suffering from cancer. He said to me before sleeping, that this is the last time you all are talking to me because from now on I will not wake up. The hearthrobing moment of my life.

    • Chardie Cat profile imageAUTHOR

      Chardie Cat 

      2 months ago from Northern Mindanao, Philippines

      Hi Farrah,

      I really have lots in mind, but these three are the most effective ways that I have personally used during the times when I grieved. Thank you very much for dropping by and reading my article. I really appreciate it.

      God bless you.

    • Isivwe Muobo profile image

      Farrah Young 

      2 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria

      You have just listed a few good ways to get over pain: time truly does heal all wounds, even ones we feel we will never get over.

      Journaling is another good way; the more you write about the pain, the lighter you will feel and soon all you'll fee is just a dull throb.

    • Chardie Cat profile imageAUTHOR

      Chardie Cat 

      2 months ago from Northern Mindanao, Philippines

      You are right, Liz. We need to be strong and boost the morale of those who are grieving for their losses because of the pandemic. And, let us pray for the souls of those who left, while being hopeful to reconnect with those we separated with due to the situation right now.

      Thank you for dropping by, Liz...

    • Eurofile profile image

      Liz Westwood 

      2 months ago from UK

      This is a very moving, but at the same time, helpful article. Sadly, many are being parted from loved ones at the moment in the pandemic. For some, sadly this parting will be permanent, but for others it will be temporary.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, letterpile.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)