Over Fifty and Single. Do Not Lose Heart
Over fifty and single. Do not lose heart
Three times in my life, I asked women to marry me, and twice they asked me to join them in wedlock. At fifty-three years old, however, I was still single, having never tied the knot. Fed up with being alone, I determined to find the lady of my life and finally settle down. Unfortunately, being stuck with a busy schedule due to my expanding business, I found it difficult to enter the dating scene. To complicate things, unforeseen circumstances were consuming the little time I had to look for miss right. During those days, I asked myself a question that overwhelmed my thoughts: “Am I going to wind up single for the rest of my life?” It was a reflection I fretted with each passing day. To discourage me more, a close family member once commented in a sarcastic tone and while laughing aloud, “Wow! You always have bad luck with women! No matter what you do, you can never meet the right girl!” Between her smirks, I stared at the floor in despondency as if someone branded the word loser on my forehead in big letters. Like a vicious cycle dominating my mind, the more I focused on being bereft of a lady, the more depression crept into my life. I always considered good ladies precious and the thought of being devoid of one, during my last days on earth, dampened my spirit.
Despite the challenges hindering me from looking for a match, plus my close relatives’ biting comments, I refused to throw in the towel in the arena of love. But where would I start? I wondered. One thing was clear. Whatever decision I took, I learned the hard way and through studying particular couples, that hurrying into a relationship in the name of escaping solitude was not the solution to finding Miss Right. Far too many times, I observed some relatives and friends rush headlong into marriage only to have me witness each one go through a bitter divorce. Such breakups included the cognate who once said I had terrible luck with women. Her last split-up was her second. After the annulments of my buddies and family members, they were all back in the single scene, convinced once they would never return to such a quandary. They had been living ‘wishful thinking’ moments when they opted to wing it in the name of love. Remorse was their new dialogue amongst their peers as they discussed their regret of rushing headlong towards wedlock. Similar to the mistakes I used to make, they assumed that getting acquainted quickly and superficially with their future spouse was good enough in deciding to get engaged. One of my associates, who had gotten married after only knowing his fiancée for one month, once told me a week before his big wedding day, “David, I’ve never been so in love! I can’t wait to marry Sophia!” Five months later, my pal was crying in his beer as he tried making sense of why his wife left him.
In many ways, I was worse in sabotaging affairs than my divorced friends. I just lucked out I never tied the knot, despite wanting a quick fix to eliminate my lonesome state. Impatience was my Achilles heel. I had the bad habit of not giving myself ample time in allowing for the right partner to come around. In the dating scene, when a potential rendezvous slowly developed, I often became frustrated and gave up too easy in getting to know a female. To my detriment, I also lacked composure in another way. The few times I had been in promising relationships, I did not give them a chance to blossom. I was my own worst enemy.
Ready for a new beginning, I aimed at getting rid of my self-sabotaging ways, plus developing patience. I put all my eggs in one basket and gave dating a last chance. I made an oath to no longer feed my negative thoughts, such as dwelling on my, not so stellar record in courting plus viewing my bachelorhood as adverse. Pondering on such viewpoints had been gnawing at me day and night as they took a toll on my self-esteem. My dim countenance, during those days, said it all. To counterattack falling back into dejection, I created a written plan I critiqued with what I thought were the steps towards abandoning the single life. However, I knew all too well that pursuing a lasting partner would not be easy. I needed to stick to my new strategy.
While working on my tasks, I recalled five years back when I used to live in the city of Medellin, Colombia, as a single man. Back then, my passive income coming in from my business had given me plenty of free time to meet women. Regrettably, I never got far with the ladies I had gotten acquainted with. With my new tactic in mind, such failures did not stop me from trying again. Enthused, I believed this time around, things would be different. I returned to Colombia and semi-retired.
In Medellin, also known as the city of eternal spring, I rented out a small studio apartment in a modest and somewhat humble town called Belen. I was excited to be back in my native country and look for my dream wife one more time. “Here’s my chance!” My inner dialogue encouraged. Wasting no time, I hustled to get ladies’ phone numbers and succeeded. Three months later, however, I was back to square one as my efforts to meet the right lady came to a crashing halt. I did not click with any woman. With much despair, I gave up on dating and conceded to being alone for the rest of my life. “At least you tried,” I consoled myself. Then, something peculiar happened. As I prepared for a life of solitude, I experienced an inner peace when I should have been feeling down. It was as if someone had lifted a burden off my back. I was re-energized. I realized that years of obsessively and desperately searching for a companion had me drained. To my great surprise, my life took an unexpected turn for the better. To put it in a nutshell, a famous romantic advisor once wrote, “You’ll find love when you least expect it.” Around the time I gave up looking for miss right is when love came knocking on my door.
In the town of Belen, Medellin, I hung out with a cousin named Victor who grew up with me in Astoria, Queens, New York. He also retired in Colombia. We did what typical males carry out with their buddies; we competed in billiards, went to sports events, played cards, and chess. Most weekends, we drank beers and listened to music on his balcony that overlooked a lovely park. One day, as we were sipping on Coronas, a woman in elegant attire passed by his place. She spotted Victor on the balcony and asked him if he had seen his uncle, whom she needed for a leaky roof repair. I glanced below, and the female caught my attention. My cousin replied, “You just missed him. He left about fifteen minutes ago.”
Wanting to meet the lady, I whispered to Victor, “Tell her to come upstairs.” Victor invited her in. Again I gazed at her. This time, she stared back as our eyes were glued to each other.
She directed her attention back to Victor and said, “OK, ring me in.”
Instead of getting excited, however, I panicked. I was not in the best condition to hold a decent conversation with a woman I found quite intriguing. I was drunk. Realizing there was no way to sober up, I said to myself, “Let the chips fall where they may.” Victor opened the door to his apartment and let her in. On the balcony, he introduced her to me. Her name was Zoraya. She took a seat next to mine, and we engaged in a conversation. Zoraya kept asking me many personal questions, which I took as a good sign. She seemed to make it easy for me to get to know her. Twenty minutes later, and despite my drunken haze, I asked Zoraya for her number. “Ok, pass me your cell phone,” She replied. After handing it to her, she punched in her name and number.
Eight months later, Zoraya and I are still in a healthy relationship. It was my first time lasting that long with a partner. Similar to me, Zoraya also had misfortunes in the dating world with some liaisons not worth talking about. We found it amusing when sharing stories of past flings that had gone sour.
Life has a strange way of fulfilling the desires of our hearts, but only if we learn to get out of our way. Too many times, we shoot ourselves in the foot by responding compulsively when things do not go our way or take too long to develop. Learn from my mistakes. Do not turn off the opposite sex by appearing desperate while lacking patience. Those had been the main reasons my bachelorhood had lasted for many years. Impatience is an impediment in the dating world.
If your life has been an endless struggle to find the right companion, do not despair. Society may paint you a rosy picture and depict most affairs as glittering and ideal, making you feel you are missing out on something. Behind closed doors, however, an unfathomable amount of persons throughout the world are contemplating filing for divorce. According to a Wikipedia demography on marriage, annulments amongst couples are as high as seventy-one percent in Portugal, sixty-six percent in Luxembourg and forty-six percent in America. Such stats confirm how critical it is for us to avoid rushing into tying the knot. Give yourself a great deal of time to familiarize yourself with the person you want to get engaged to. It is the only way to conclude if the two of you should wedlock. The last thing you want is to be another statistic in the world of dispirited folks desperate to split from their spouse.
The day you start a healthy relationship, self-worth will be vital to sustaining a good rapport. Around the time I had acquiesced to a life of solitude, it dawned on me how little I loved myself during my search for a wife. Instead of looking inward, I pursued marriage as the answer to a fulfilled life. I had been putting the cart before the horse. During a recent business seminar, Zoraya’s mentor taught me an effective method to appreciate myself more often. He told me to repeat every morning the phrase, ‘nobody loves me more than me.’ Reiterating such a term will build up your self-esteem, thus making you more attractive to the opposite sex.
In your journey to meet your significant other, you will have battles and struggles along the way, plus feel dejected occasionally. Despite such challenges, remember the old saying, ‘Rome was not built in a day.’ Do not waste years living in frustration as I had and instead practice composure in everything you do, especially in seeing things through to their fruition. There is an old proverb that says, ‘forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead.’ Do not listen to those incessant voices in your head that want you to dwell on the past, which will mess with your confidence. Block out such discouraging cogitations and trust in yourself. One day you also will have a fantastic story to tell about the person of your dreams coming into your life. Do not lose heart.
Questions & Answers
© 2019 David Loaiza