"God," ‘I Look to You’
When I welcome you into my life, I had much pain, no plans, no dreams, and no hope. Living life as I knew it back then consist of just moving through it and merely existing — not living — I wasn't living my life chasing pleasure, in whatever shape or form that ended in pain.
The truth is, I had no commitment and drifted aimlessly without a purpose. Moreover, as I look at the face of the broken woman in the mirror, I reflect on my life growing up in the early '80s; my memories reflect a simpler time, a woman maturing into an increasingly self-reliant woman, at least until a couple of years ago.
However, what made the last couple of years different, was that the dark clouds float into my life that carries thunderstorm was full of mistakes and poor choices, mists that made me feel like the world is crashing around me, "God," ‘I Look to You.’
Some of the errors went back to being raised in the church which instilled in me a deep trust that if I’m loyal and always there for my friends and loved ones, they will also be there for me, but that inculcation ends up being built on a big, fat lie and a false foundation.
In my life were peoples who wanted me to believe that everything has been decided for me, and I had no choice in what I did. Nevertheless, I couldn’t just accept others as choosing for me, and I can’t afford to have a poor's person mindset.
God of hope, I look to you with an open heart and yearning spirit. During this Advent season, I will keep alert and awake, listening for your word and keeping to your precepts. My hope is in you.
Taking a trip down memory lane contemplating back to the last couple of years, I am so flabbergasted at how my life has turned out. My life is nothing like I had initially planned.
However, the thing that brought a smile to my face is who I am, my values, and my interests today. 2017 was a challenging year. Although there were undoubtedly high points, moments when light peeked through the darkness, sudden parts have me moving into 2018 feeling frustrated and very worn out.
Unexpected moment knocked me off course – disappointment, and circumstances, filled with letdown – left me with the necessary time to pause and recoup energy, after spreading myself too thin "God," ‘I look to you.’
Notwithstanding I had to overcome circumstances that were slender because I put in more than I was getting out, entering into 2018, despite my best intentions, I respond to situations that had a significant effect on me.
Nonetheless, I decide to obey the commandments of God, which lead to His plan of happiness, whether than follow Satan’s plan of misery. Furthermore, it doesn’t matter the happenings in my life; I choose joy over sadness, which is a wise choice.
What is more, if a person is sad they want to be, after all, it’s up to us whether our trails become roadblocks in life or we can make them expressways to learning and growth. It is absurd to look at the enormous amount of pain that flourishes everywhere in the world, as it serves no purpose at all. Besides, unhappiness and much suffering to come are the direct results of sin.
I look to Thee in every need, and never look in vain;
I feel Thy strong and tender love, and all is well again.
The thought of Thee is mightier far than sin and pain and sorrow are.
Discouraged in the work of life, disheartened by its load,
Shamed by its failures or its fears, I sink beside the road.
But let me only think of Thee, and then new heart springs up in me.
There have been long seasons in my life where I felt like nothing was going right, everything was out of whack, and regardless of what I decide to do things went from bad to worst.
However, one thing I have learned in recent years is life is what I make of it, and if I want to take full control of my situation, I have to rid the poor's person mindset, and my strength should always be stronger than my circumstances.
Moreover, whatever my conditions, there are things I can control, and things I cannot. Though, my primary focus is to be about the things I can manage. There is personal suffering that we all can come to understand and when things get hard that I find it very difficult to take on the trials of this world, "God," ‘I look to you.’
A man born of a woman is full of trouble; the reality of evil in the world is individuals who reject God and the Bible. All the corrupt things going on drove me crazy to the point where I was not sure whether to scream or laugh at all I been through over the years.
In spite of this, I have learned to remember in those challenging seasons of life that changed everything…it does not matter how high my ambitions and expectations for myself.
Or no matter where I am in life if I am not happy, something needs to change, and, no matter how terrible life may seem at any single point to stop all negative thought and poor behavior, a change will need to be made.
But what is more, I need to learn to cope with the things out of my control. From everything that I experience in life, it has brought me to the last person to say life is easy. In every difficulty in my life, whether big or small, "God," ‘I look to you.’
No matter what evil stuff life throws my way, even if it seems hard to make it through, with you, I can be strong, when I'm too weak to handle everything alone. On my own, I'm prone to fall, but to stand, "God," ‘I look to you.’
On those days where I feel hopeless like there is no point in living. During the times when negative and disturbing thoughts consume my mind and it, seem as if there NO way out, "God," ‘I look to you.’
I have experienced days where my mind is overwhelmed that I over analyze the issue and keep repeating the problem in my mind. I desire a release from an overflow of a troubled soul.
I even experience days where I wanted to float away quietly on a cloud or just drift off into a haze where I only think of uplifting things far from the reality of this overwhelming life, instead, "God," 'I look to you.'
When things get very hard that it just all too many thoughts from one mind to have to control, "God," 'I look to you.' The pressure of extreme thinking given is unbearable to live with, and the weight of the world is too much, and my way of living doesn't match up to my pressure and standards.
I take ages to get ready every day on the days when I feel able to try, but I am not keen enough, I lose the ability to control my home or food, then I think I will have absolutely nothing for the rest of my life is so far gone, "God," 'I look to you.' When I am in the presence of other I feel I have to put on an appearance of appearing respectable and 'ok'…nonetheless, in reality, I sometimes cry, scream, like a toddler who can't deal with adult life, "God," 'I look to you.'
Whenever I fail to face reality and refuse to allow myself to get in touch with realism, I am living like someone who can't dress or manage her well-being or life. Afraid. Lost. Unmotivated with a feeling of guilt for being this way.
I realize I am not this person; I am one who imagines thought in a healthy way, not violent behavior. But then again when I am unwilling to face reality the only way my stupid dreamy mind will maintain is to pretend I am a spirit from another world which was made perfectly that has come to an imperfect world who are unable to get any comfort because it's too far from my world.
But in realism, I need to change my poor's person mindset as these points of view are in my messed-up head. When I need to maintain a high quality of life and face it all in nationally, "God." ‘I look to you.’
When the late Whitney Houston sings the song, ‘I Look to You,’ she portrays in the song how she finds strength in "God" to be her courageous and victorious in everyday struggles.
Also, she sings about her character, and her faith in God, which helps her to recover and return to the music industry and herself. After being away from the industry for about a decade, many waits for her return.
Her new album represents her triumphant return to the music industry. ‘I Look to You,’ this beautiful song explains Whitney’s journey to recovery where she looks to God for strength to maintain life. Whitney tells her story so wonderfully echoed in a song, ‘I Look to You.’
"God," ‘I Look to You.’
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© 2018 Pam Morris