She struggled growing up as her life was an emotional roller coaster from the very beginning. She lived, as is still striving.
My Hiding Days
I was a very troubled kid, right from the day I knew what was right and wrong. I had the least amount of self-esteem anyone could ever possess (no kidding) and it was so bad up to the point of me shaking at the sight of someone staring at me. Some girls see this as a pride, and of course, who isn't proud when they become the center of attention? I DON'T! No one knew about this because I've never shared it with anyone.
Everything I decide would end up in second thoughts. "Should I say this to them?", "Should I apply for that?" and "Will they ask me to speak in front of a crowd?" As a result, I was always standing out of every dream I’ve ever wanted though I know I am perfectly qualified, and all because I had no guts.
Was I afraid? Yes. What was I afraid of? I don't know. When I go through it in my head, it goes smoothly. But when I am already on the way to that opportunity, my mind changes, and I decide "Nah, I better sit this one out, I can't do it anyway", and end up regretting it for weeks. It did not bother me in my earlier years until a point in my life where the impact of underestimating myself and my abilities hit me too hard.
I completed my Mid High School Assessment with excellent grades and was prepared to step into the next level. I was initially grouped into one of the science classes where the subjects were Biology, Physics, Chemistry, all the science subjects. I was very excited. But my friend, who was a year older than me was already in the science stream and told me, that I would not be able to cope with the studies as they were "too hard for me". That bothered me a lot. Because my friend passed her Mid High School Assessment with grades better than mine (so much better, in fact), I thought she would know better. So, when she could say that it's hard, what more for me? I was broken.
I took her words because I could not just go and get into something only to regret later, now can I? And if choosing the science stream would give me uncertain results, I'd rather not risk it. So instead, I took the arts. My subjects were Literature and Craft.
Her High School Cert came and she did pass but not as good as her Mid High Examination. My results were outstanding, and being the art student with the “easier” subjects, I was a school topper. I worked hard although my subjects were not as hard as my friends'. I had fun in the arts streams and had lesser things to worry about as compared to her. But one thing that I regret to this day is that, had I been in the science stream, I could've thrown the exact amount of effort I did in my field into the science subjects and excelled with the same results too, couldn't I?
That was when it hit me. I did not only let my friend underestimate me but also allowed my low self-esteem to block all chances of me studying medical-related courses in college as all of those would need a science qualification, which now, I missed. And I was forever stuck in arts. Not that it is a bad thing. Appreciating the artistic me now, I've seen wonders that this field brought me to. But deep down, I've always wanted to be a doctor.
That became a turning point in my life as I realized all the things my self-esteem of a teaspoon had caused me to lose.
A friend would never discourage you. If they do, are they really friends?
— Random Thoughts
How To Overcome It?
1. Learn to believe. Give yourself a chance
Believe. What? Who? YOURSELF! Believe in yourself because if you don't, no one else would, no one else can. People would say a thousand things, that you can't do it because they've done it and it wasn’t possible for them. But here’s the thing, are any men created alike? This was something I forgot to ask myself when my friend told me she could not do it hence I would most probably fail at it too. The issue is, she was not me, just as how you are not them. If they can't do, that does not mean you cannot too. Never, ever let naysayers like these bring you down. Most of the time, people like this are not random, they exist right under our noses. That is why the impact on us is always greater as we are so used to believing them and putting all our trust and faith in their words. As we grow, we need to understand that even though connections, bonds, and blood is strong, all of those have nothing to do with the ability of a person. Just because she is your friend, that does not plague you from having the same capability as her. In actual life, there are gems and outstanding capabilities hidden among every individual which we often overlook or underestimate. Believe in yourself, and you would not need anyone to push you.
We are all a part of someone’s life. A friend, a parent, a sister, a teacher, or just anything. What we should learn to do, to be the best version of our position in someone’s life, is to always appreciate and encourage them. This is important because we may not know how much of importance of a role we play in someone else’s life; how much they’ve been depending on our support. Imagine the person you very much hope to uplift you just coming to you, saying that it’s better to drop it because they think you can’t pull it off. The last thing a person needs is someone to crushing their dreams.
2. Just go for it
When you have thoughts of doing something, don't just sit there pondering. Go, get up, and start working your way to it. Sure, you would be afraid of the outcomes, all the things you would have to face, and the weird possibilities. But how would you know if they even exist if you've never tried to do it? Do you think no one would buy your product when you didn't even try to sell them? Do you think people would not read your article when you’ve not even tried publishing it? When you wait for too long, your mind starts wandering. Sure, there are some terms and challenges you have to risk when going for things immediately and it doesn't apply to every case. True that at all times, you have to think of the dangers and disadvantages, but DO NOT let them consume you. If you have such thoughts, it is my advice to seek consultation. Talk to someone whom you think would know better.
3. Have a positive mindset
True that things wouldn’t always work the way we want. Not everything would be a success in the first try as well. The important thing is a persistent effort because sooner or later it’s going to happen; things will go your way. The world could be nasty at times because not everyone would be supportive enough to appreciate you. Some people sided my friend saying that there was no way I could do it. That pain taught me to wake up and motivate myself as I knew no one else would, by saying self-affirmations to help myself believe that I have MY things under MY control and nobody could say otherwise. Simple affirmations like “Today, I would be the best version of me and give my all to what I want” and more. What is there to lose? You’ll either achieve your dreams or learn something new to keep improving. If you're too afraid of failing, remember that failure is just another stepping stone to success. We fall to rise back higher than before.
If you're going to trust someone, let it be yourself!
That is basically what you need and what I did. Everything is in our minds, to be optimistic, how we decide to take it in, and react to it. All that you need to fix in your mind is that nobody owns anyone in this life. Nobody determines your rise and fall except yourself. Nobody has any right to say you are not worth it and that you cannot do it because only you alone know your strengths and weaknesses. Never let the world rate you. since everybody has their strengths and weaknesses, we can scale our capabilities based on somebody else's measures no matter how high we look up to them. That would only mean us, downgrading and weighing ourselves down by failing to believe in ourselves. Believe you can, and there'll be no one to stop you, not even the evil in your mind.
© 2020 Priscilla John