Hope Just Ahead...

Updated on July 10, 2018
pstraubie48 profile image

Patricia is a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a daughter whose passion is to put into writing things she feels and experiences.

Bald is beautiful...


Update: July 9

Today my Stef went in to have a Pet Scan and the results after six weeks of horrid chemo were not what we had wished for. The oncologist told her there is nothing more he can do for her. The cancer has remained unchanged in her body and the time line they give her is still six months or a year?? No one really knows that answer, do they?

When I first wrote this article I had thought that it was the leukemia is what she is fighting, that it is the culprit. But actually I was mistaken. It is metastasized cancer that has spread throughout her entire body including her lymph glands that is taking its toll on her now.

Not that it really matters what the source is at this point. We just continue to HOPE for the best and to embrace every minute of every day with gusto. And hug and squeeze each other often and get all that matters out of each opportunity we have.

She is soldiering on just as she has every day for all of these years that she has been plagued by cancer. She has lived and continues to live her life for her boys including her significant other Tracy rather than focusing on herself. And I do believe in my heart of hearts that that is a huge reason she is still on the planet....she has refused to give up and give in.

Please send along some positive energy and Angels to her...and know they are being returned to you.

Update June 30

This week my daughter had her last mega dose of chemo via an IV. She has two weeks off and then will go on oral chemo for three months. We are HOPEful ....there is that word again...that this treatment has done something to help eradicate the cancer. We just do not know.

Over the years many scary moments regarding my grandsons and my daughter have arisen. Being told many times that one or the other of them was close to death has shaken me to the core. I do have questions. I do wonder. I question. One thing that has never happened is that hope was lost. It may sound strange to say the following...but HOPE has been my loyal companion throughout all of the uncertainty that the tenuous heath of my grandsons and daughter have produced.. Arising every day filled with hope has given me and my precious family the courage and strength to embrace all of the possibilities of this new day.

However....and there is often "however"....insurmountable waves of stress have come. Learning how to subvert the power such stress can bring is a journey. It can be managed and overcome to a large extent.

From the earliest years these two have 'hung' together

Brothers ....sharing time together
Brothers ....sharing time together | Source

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.”

Anne Lamott

Just when it seems no new hurdles will come

Year after year we have jumped through hoops in an effort to stave off new onslaughts of wicked illness that has tried to creep in and grab one or the other of my loved ones. As one cancer has been controlled, another has appeared.

And time after time with my daughter the cancer, if not eradicated entirely, has been subdued, quieted, but lurking to take on a new name, a new face. Year after year she has been told that her time is limited. (As is the time of each of us.) That she needs to get on with the partying...that no good lies ahead. And thankfully she has been able to defy the odds.

“A lesson for all of us is that for every loss, there is victory, for every sadness, there is joy, and when you think you’ve lost everything, there is hope.”

Geraldine Solon

About 18 months ago yet another diagnosis. Another challenge to her system began. Her heart is already compromised...having suffered a heart attack almost 25 years ago just prior to her first son's birth and then over the years more damage from chemo and other treatments.

During the routine doctor visit with her oncologist leukemia was found. And it can be horrendous or not depending on which variety one happens to find has invaded the body you call home.

At the initial diagnosis it was not terribly concerning. But over the last year and a half it has reared its ugly head. And the doctor is now telling her that, once again, her time here is finite. That in one year or less she will no longer walk the planet.

And once again she tells the doctor, "You don't know who you are dealing with." As she has heard that so many times before.

Rather than recoil into a fatalistic attitude, this young woman chooses to soldier on....an expression I use time and time again to describe how she navigates this unplanned, unwanted course that has become her normal.

She has learned to traverse these waters by refusing to give up and give in...she focuses on the needs of others especially her sons while attending to her own needs and those of her beloved Tracy, her love of 10 years. How better to deflect worry and stress than to outer direct that which would suck us in and suffocate us.

My Stef in the foreground as 5K run fundraiser kicked off

My Stef March 30   5K run fundraier and swabbing for bone marrow match
My Stef March 30 5K run fundraier and swabbing for bone marrow match | Source


  • Deflect stress and worry.
  • And perhaps a bit of 'deny.' Deny the power of worry and stress.
  • Outer direct thoughts and energy as much as possible.
  • Take time to enjoy the beauty and solace of each moment.
  • Slow down and live.

Sound too simple? It actually is not simple. It is actually a process. We have learned to do these things as a way to survive this nightmare that no one wants, no one ever thinks will enter the lives of those we love.

It is, you know...

Ways to deflect
day to day stress (where are my keys? glasses? where is the phone?)
Get organized....a place for everything...and put it there!
go for a walk...chat with a friend...read a calming passage
recognize that fear changes nothing....then do the above
throw things (preferably things that won't break or hurt anyone) ....scream loudly...exercise...free yourself from that burden

Hopeful .... hope-filled

Three Precious Loved Ones

My precious Heston Wayne, Stef, and Jay
My precious Heston Wayne, Stef, and Jay | Source

Surround yourself with caring individuals

A HUGE way that we are able to remain semi-sane through all of this is that we all have supportive, caring lovelies who listen and care and do when we need it.

It is so important to have one or two special people who care enough to help shoulder the weight of catastrophic illness in a family. Someone (s) for whom you would be that person when he or she needs your shoulders.

So helpful for me and my daughter are the lovelies who listen listen listen as we share our concerns and our moments of weakness when tears flow. After having that time to share it is possible to pick up the pieces and move forward....embracing all that the promise of a new day offers.


No promises

There are no promises as we walk this walk on this planet. It is an uncharted course for us that allows us the freedom to make it a most wondrous time. For it to become the best it can be it seems to me that we should be unfettered from worry and stress and fear and anger. Loose those chains and regain control of that which is in your power to control.

If you cannot change something...find the wisdom to recognize that fact and focus your energy on making a difference however you can.

Let hope be your constant companion. It is working for us and has for years. That does not mean that we can stave off whatever may come. It just means there is always the belief that the course that is set may change at least for a time.

We as a family are so blessed. I, in particular, am so very blessed. Despite all of the illness and uncertainty, I am blessed to have my daughter and 2 grandsons still on the planet. It has made me a better person.

I see hope just ahead.

Laugh in the face of Danger

My Stef....facing the new and all that it promises


Questions & Answers

    © 2018 Patricia Scott


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      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        6 days ago from sunny Florida

        You know how much I appreciate you Peggy. It is a stressful time right now but we are moving forward. Angels are bringing blessings and hugs to you and your hubby this morning ps

      • Peggy W profile image

        Peggy Woods 

        7 days ago from Houston, Texas

        Hi Patricia,

        That is assuredly the best way to pray. That is part of the Lord's Prayer..."let Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers always.

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        10 days ago from sunny Florida

        Yes my heart aches...for her and for her boys including T. It stinks...but we have learned to take the good with the well, not good. I read a article by Eric Dierker tonight and it had a very apt statement in it..."Let us take a look at spiritual faith. Right out of the chute we understand about our God or else unhappiness is just a breath away. There are so many who pray and expect or have faith that God will answer their prayers as they direct God to do. That prayer goes like this; God cure me of my illness. A more proper prayer would be; God please fill my heart with love so that whatever happens I shall be at peace. That second prayer is great because we can take action to fill our hearts with love. It is not just faith in God but faith in ourselves. And we can have faith that our treatment will go well. And then of course we can rely on God to do what is best no matter our supplications." His line that says ...."fill my heart with love so that whatever happens I may be at peace with it" really hit home. Thank you so much for caring Peggy....it is really appreciated...Angels once again on the way. ps

      • Peggy W profile image

        Peggy Woods 

        10 days ago from Houston, Texas

        Hi Patricia,

        I am saddened to hear the latest update. It is amazing that your Steph has been given that same diagnosis so many times and she just soldiers on and keeps beating those odds. Saying extra prayers for her and your entire family.

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        13 days ago from sunny Florida

        Hoping for your brother that he does fight the kidney disease as you mentioned. HOPE truly does sustain us. Thank you so much for stopping to read and comment. ps

      • dredcuan profile image

        Dred Cuan 

        2 weeks ago from California


        Such an inspiring story. Hope keeps us going in life despite all odds. I totally agree with you that sometimes to be hopeful, we need to deny the existence of things. My brother right is currently battling his kidney disease. I hope tru medication, he's able to fight this challenge in his life. Cheers!

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        2 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Thank you so much. Stef is really ragged out from the treatment but she is still trying to soldier on. We are so blessed to have so many who care. You hopefully know how much your kind words mean to us Peggy. Angels and blessings on the way ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        2 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Thank you for stopping to read and comment. We live in HOPE...it is one thing that really helps us to keep going. Angels are on the way to you this morning ps

      • Peggy W profile image

        Peggy Woods 

        3 weeks ago from Houston, Texas

        I am glad to know that those powerful IV cancer drugs are finished for a time. The ups and downs of those treatments can be devastating to the body (as you well know) but hopefully it will have knocked that terrible cancer a blow to where the oral treatments can take over and do their job. Sending loving thoughts your way. Hugs to you and your precious family.

      • Robert Sacchi profile image

        Robert Sacchi 

        3 weeks ago

        I am saddened by learning about the misfortunes of you and your family. I am encouraged by your hope. I pray for you and yours. Thank you for posting.

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        So appreciate you stopping to comment Catherine. Every one of us on this planet has challenges....some more than others. We are blessed that despite the obstacles we have faced and presently face that we have each other and so many who care and support us. One day at a time took on new meaning with the first diagnosis and remains an important element of our thinking. Thank you once again and know that Angels once again are headed your way. ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Hi Florida lovely....Shauna...we are truly trying to make the best of a most unwanted situation...every day every single minute of every day is treasured. Thank you for your kind words. Angels are on the way to you this morning. ps

      • CatherineGiordano profile image

        Catherine Giordano 

        3 weeks ago from Orlando Florida

        All we can do is keep on keeping on. Your family has had a life filled with more challenges than most of us have ever had to face. And sharing these concerns with others helps with beating back the challenges. Keep on sharing. You inspire me with your strength.

      • bravewarrior profile image

        Shauna L Bowling 

        3 weeks ago from Central Florida

        Patricia, the love and hope that comes from and is received by your souls is what has slapped adversity it its face. I hope it continues to do so. In the meantime, it sounds like you're all living a good life.

        You and your family are an inspiration. God bless you all!

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        You are so blessed to have caring lovelies like we have...it makes so much difference. Please know that heart goes out to you and your precious husband....you are not alone. and yes....it does give you strength and hope. You are in my thoughts daily. Healing and comforting Angels are on the way today and many of them are those who share your journey with you. ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        You are so right Clive....one of my mantras is ....the best is yet to come. thank you so much for stopping to read and share your thoughts. Angels are on the way this evening. ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Hi Bill....I will definitely tell Stef what you said. Every burst of goodness from someone is uplifting. thank you so much for stopping tor read and share your thoughts. Angels are on the way to you this evening. ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Hello Sweet Friend...Peggy...we are blessed and we do wrap ourselves in God's love and strength AND the kindness and good vibes we receive from so many. Sending you many blessings and Angels this evening. ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Yes Eric...denail can be a GOOD thing...and we wallow in positives in our family...the N word is not allowed. Sending many good vibes and positives and Angels your way. ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Thank you Linda Crampton... there are two Lindas who have responded so I wanted to indentify you. We are not looking for sympathy and I do not think you meant your comment in that way. We just want others to know our story because for many it is their story too. And if we can offer HOPE to others is some small way then that is a good thing. thank you so much for stopping to share your kind thoughts. Angles are headed your way ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Thank you ...Jackie. We feel your 'hope' and are comforted by it. Each day brings something new ....maybe not something we would have wished for but a new opportunity to make lemonade out of lemons....so appreciate your kind words. Angels are on the way this evening. ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Ms Dora....Great lyrics. We have not lost our praise either. We are so blessed in so many ways. How humbling it is to feel the outpouring of concern and good wishes here on HubPages. Please know that Angels are on the way to you this evening ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Thank you Linda. ...Despite the challenges we refuse to let it take away our joy or our hope. Each new day brings us another opportunity to grow and learn. While I am not always successful and keeping fear totally at bay, I refuse to let it paralyze me as does my family ....thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. Angels are headed your way this evening. ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        O absolutely Manatita....we are soooo very thankful...so very filled with gratitude for each blessing He gives us on a daily basis and for the multitude of blessings He has given us over the years. Thank you so much for caring enough to share your kind and uplifting thoughts with me. Angels are once again on the way to you and yours ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Thank you Pam. You know I have said many times....lots of families have 'stuff'....we had 'stuff'...it is just different than what others may have. But we try TRY TRY to not miss one minute of any day trying to second guess the future...truly HOPE is what levels the playing field for us. So hoping that something that was said will be of value to you and to others. I write about these things because it is cathartic for me...if that makes sense. Angels are one the way....healing Angels for sure. ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Thank you Frank. Your good thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated. We really do live each day with hope. Know that many Angels are headed your way ps

      • pstraubie48 profile imageAUTHOR

        Patricia Scott 

        3 weeks ago from sunny Florida

        Bob You say often to me that Heston Wayne is an inspiration to you and I say to you that you are an inspiration as well. It is so easy to give up and let cancer or whatever horrid illness finds its way into our lives...but you are finding a way to navigate the waters that works...embracing each day and not allowing it to swallow you up. Please know that you are sent lots and lots of positive energy and many Angels as you make this journey. Love and hugs and blessings ps

      • Frank Atanacio profile image

        Frank Atanacio 

        4 weeks ago from Shelton

        this hub has really struck a chord deep within me.. just prayers sent you;r way.. and please be blessed..

      • Pamela99 profile image

        Pamela Oglesby 

        4 weeks ago

        What an awul tale of cancers your daughter, and family have endured. She sounds like a very strong woman. As a woman with multiple health problems, I found your suggestions very helpful. I have a lot of faith, which helps me endure, but it is tough sometimes.

        Thumb up for this article; you and your family are in my prayers.

      • manatita44 profile image


        4 weeks ago from london

        Patricia, you know I will always offer my Love. I send small financial help when I can. I wanted to say though, that from following your story and that of your family, that they are already walking miracles in many ways.

        I think that by your sincere and honest output here, that you have helped many others.

        The ways of the Lord are so strange! Again, while I know it isn't easy, you have embraced your trials with dignity, courage or fortitude and tremendous Love. All these are internal blessings and again, you look so fit!

        I know you know this, but never forget Gratitude.

        I wish the entire family the continued Love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. Glory be!!

      • Carb Diva profile image

        Linda Lum 

        4 weeks ago from Washington State, USA

        Patricia, you and your family have endured so much. But despite it all, your faith holds you together, you endure, and in love, you share your experience with us as a witness to your belief. Thank you for sharing with all of us.

      • MsDora profile image

        Dora Weithers 

        4 weeks ago from The Caribbean

        Tremaine Hawkins' lyrics come to mind:

        I never lost my hope

        I never lost my joy

        I never lost my faith

        But most of all, I never lost my praise.

        Thanks for always being a beacon of hope through it all. Best to you and all your family!

      • AliciaC profile image

        Linda Crampton 

        4 weeks ago from British Columbia, Canada

        I'm sorry that you and your family have been exposed to stress for so long, Patricia. I'm very glad that hope has survived and is supporting you all, though. This is an inspiring article.

      • Bob Bamberg profile image

        Bob Bamberg 

        4 weeks ago from Southeastern Massachusetts

        Pat, this is a great piece! The one line that sticks out is " hope is my constant companion." That brought me to the realization that hope is my constant companion, too.

        I'm sitting in oncology getting chemo as I type into my phone, and looking around, there are some who don't seem to be doing well. I wonder if they have lost hope.

        I have hope that any day can bring an announcement of a breakthrough, not necessarily for my cancer, but a breakthrough that will deliver hope to those who have perhaps given up.

        There's always hope! Great hub.

        Prayers for Steph and Heston Wayne, pennies to follow.



      • Jackie Lynnley profile image

        Jackie Lynnley 

        4 weeks ago from The Beautiful South

        We all have such plans for the future and life throws us so many curves at times, yet we can't and don't give up...and hope is that name. It is sometimes all that can keep us going.

        I am so pleased you have hope to get you through. Maybe so many prayers from friends will add to that, I "hope" so.

        We love you and want all the best for you and yours, dear PS. Always in Jesus name.

      • Ericdierker profile image

        Eric Dierker 

        4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

        I had a bit of a flare up of mesogenic cramping. Off to the nutritionist and some great chat with a cancer therapist. We know that it shows progression rather than cessation. We do not do negative. I personally love denial ;-) My son just looks at me funny some times but needs know no more.

        Best to all of you.

      • Peggy W profile image

        Peggy Woods 

        4 weeks ago from Houston, Texas

        Dearest Patricia,

        You and your family have endured so much but the fact of your closeness and staying together through 'thick and thin' is a testament to your faith, love and loyalty. Cling to that hope and whatever the future brings may you be surrounded with many angels and the everlasting love of God.

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        4 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

        You raised a winner that, PS! It is an honor just to read about your family. Thank you so much for sharing their stories with us. I am inspired from 3,000 miles away,and always will be.

        Sending those angels your way. Tell your daughter she is my new hero.

      • clivewilliams profile image

        Clive Williams 

        4 weeks ago from Jamaica

        Keep fighting. Keep praying. There is much more past this life.

      • aesta1 profile image

        Mary Norton 

        4 weeks ago from Ontario, Canada

        Laugh, deflect, deny...have people you can rely on. We are so lucky to have many people who care enough when we heard that my husband's cancer has spread. They continue to support us and this has given us strength to hope. Thanks for sharing.


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