Be for No Reason: Overcoming Addiction to Happiness, Passion, and Drama

Updated on March 10, 2018
Holley Hyler profile image

Holley Hyler is a freelance writer and has been published in Adelaide, Buck Off Magazine, Rebelle Society, and The Urban Howl.

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The Drama Addict

We all have at least one person in our lives - and maybe this person is you - who is addicted to passion, or as some may call it, "drama."

This person always has a story with theatrics to tell. They seem to struggle often. If they have a peaceful day, for a change, they may become bored and quickly set about finding things they can focus upon negatively. If they are not in a relationship, the drama is about that, and if they are in a relationship, the drama is about the person they are with. Nothing can be steady or without complaint for an extended period. (As I say this, I do not wish to offer any judgment toward this behavior. We all have reasons for how we think and act. Not everyone believes that they have the power to consciously choose their thoughts. Addictions are often subconscious, and there is always something to be healed underneath them.)

Life can be simple and peaceful, if one is open and allowing toward perceiving it this way. Some minds are not as capable of being at peace as others, wishing for some problem to solve, whether its own or someone else's. I write this article to bring awareness to similar shadow aspects in ourselves. Even if these energies are subtle within us, they can hold us back from the contentment that we so deserve.

Premeditated Disappointment

I am proposing that we all have this addiction to passion, to varying degrees. We have different emotions we are addicted to. Not all of us are aware of it, voice it, or take it out on other people, but it is there within us. I have become more conscious of it in myself. I dislike drama, but I do possess a love for love, to a point of obsession at times. While what I feel for those I adore is genuine and heartfelt, I can see how I put a great deal of reliance on those feelings of love to carry me through my otherwise ordinary day-to-day. Messages or revelations from that special someone could bring on a feeling of elation that lasted for days, even weeks. I became dependent on this high.

I used to feel that, if nothing was happening between me and that person at the time, I had been forgotten, and feelings of doom set in. These feelings told me, “Life will never get better.” I believed them and settled into the hopelessness many times, only for the ebb and flow of moods to show me over time that there is no such thing as a permanent state of malaise.

In the absence of the people I adore, I have my creativity, which has served as a major outlet in the face of my depression and loneliness. However, I also run into trouble if I allow the goodness and purpose of my day to be dependent upon whether I do something creative. Sometimes, I get tired. I run out of ideas. I need time to process experiences before I can turn them to art.

The truth is, if the goodness or purpose of my day is dependent on anything or anyone, I set myself up for disappointment. If I am looking for my positive feelings to come from specific sources, I may not be open to the other ways that good finds its way into my life.

Be for No Reason

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The Inner World

I can understand the idea behind the phrase: “Be happy for no reason.”

While it is not necessary to be happy all the time – conflict in life is normal and healthy – it is necessary to build an internal world more conducive to happiness. Cultivating self-loving and positive thoughts, setting realistic goals that can be met, and being satisfied with what one has are important if one is to be content in life.

Perhaps a better phrase would be: “Love and improve yourself for no reason.” In the absence of someone to share life with, many of us feel that to carry on is pointless. I have friends who stop eating well and treating their bodies with respect when they are between relationships. While I have never gotten to that point, I have opened my eyes in the morning to a barrage of depressed thoughts and struggled to come out from underneath the covers. I struggled to find the will to live through another day.

“Why am I here?” “Why do I try?” “No one cares about me or what I do," I thought. I dragged myself through many of my days, banging the drum of these thoughts, and sometimes I still do. I have hit the snooze button on my morning alarm and wished that all of life came with a snooze button.

Sometimes these feelings only last until my first cup of coffee in the morning, and sometimes they last the entire day. Either way, I feel differently now, knowing that there will still be good days to balance out the bad ones.

Self-Liberation

If it is not a partner, what are you subconsciously making your feelings of self-worth and contentment dependent upon? We can do this with just about anything – job status, material possessions, spirituality or religion, family, etc. The idea of just being is inherently boring to many. I used to think of it this way too. When I dropped my resistance to this boredom, I found that I was wrong.

Cultivating the self, for the self, can lead one to show up to life in a new way. Others will notice, but this will be the byproduct of healing and self-improvement, rather than the main focus. Since I have begun to do this, I have noticed that my personal and professional boundaries have improved greatly. I feel less desire to engage in relationships in which energetic transactions are not balanced. I feel freer to be myself, which attracts the right friendships to me. The freedom to be myself also enhances my creativity. I dream bigger and feel the voice of my inner critic growing softer.

Many of the above are desires that I set out to achieve each day by the wrong means. I invested my energy and happiness in things that were not guaranteed. By dropping these habits and not feeling as though I needed to "get somewhere," by letting the day-to-day unfold, I realized that many of my wishes naturally found their ways to me.

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The Fluidity of Feelings

All feelings are subject to change, whether they are good, bad, or somewhere in between. I have not met a single human who is happy all the time, although I have met a great deal who are sad or angry much of the time, because they see no way to be otherwise.

With empowerment through self-awareness, we do hold the keys to becoming more conscious directors of our moods. A big part of this is realizing that everything is temporary and taking action (or not) with this premise in mind.

Many people interpret the song "All Things Must Pass" by George Harrison as being about death, but it can apply to a great many things in our human experience, and although I have not researched this song in great detail, I do believe that George knew this as he wrote it. His wisdom is timeless. Just check out the first verse:

Sunrise doesn't last all morning
A cloudburst doesn't last all day
Seems my love is up and has left you with no warning
It's not always going to be this grey

One of my favorite teachers and healers got my attention one day by saying, "You are living in a moment that happened ten minutes ago." Yes, things can change in ten minutes or less! It is important not to hold on so tightly to things that have occurred in the past, because they are always subject to change. If an energy does remain stagnant, it is because we are meant to move on to something better (in my humble opinion).

Conclusion

Once you recognize that all feeling states are temporary, you can release your attachment to a specific emotion. As you release your attachment to that emotion, you can also let go of what you believed elicited it. By dropping the need for purpose and direction, your true purpose can find its way to you.

Questions & Answers

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      • Holley Hyler profile imageAUTHOR

        Holley Hyler 

        8 months ago

        Thank you for the lovely compliments! I am glad you found the article relatable and I hope it gave you something that can help when you find yourself faced with more unpleasant emotions. Presence and mindfulness are key!

      • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

        Chitrangada Sharan 

        8 months ago from New Delhi, India

        Nice, thought provoking article!

        I think it is quite relatable, when I look around me, or even myself.

        It’s wise to let go, and move on with life. Nothing is permanent, not even our emotions.

        Thanks for sharing this well written article, which makes us reflect, and something to ponder about carefully.

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