Are You Happy with Who You Are? Change Your Stories, Change Your Life

Updated on May 6, 2019
Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives every day by sharing her joy and love of life.

Who Are You?

Are you happy with who you are?

Don't just answer with a trite response. Stop. Think. Feel.

How are you really? Who are you really?

Often, the stories you've heard throughout your life determine your choices, values, and judgments. Rather than trusting your experience, you base your life on what other people tell you about their experience. Or you base your beliefs on stories of the experiences of people you've never even met.

You might also base your belief system about yourself on the stories you've heard about yourself. "You're not smart enough to be an engineer." "You're too heavy to be a cheerleader." "Girls can't play football." "Boys can't dance."

You're too this. You're too that. You aren't enough this way. You are too much that way. You bear the weight of all the criticism that has come into your life, and it shapes who you are today.

But. The question remains. Are you happy with who you are?

Create the Life You Desire


A Simple Question

In the series of books, "Conversation With God," author Neale Donald Walsch, and God, bring up several interesting questions and offer enlightening suggestions for finding and creating the life you really want to live.

Walsch asks God how to stop bad habits and give up negative behaviors. The response is that a person should not seek to forget the past, but to change the future.

Your past matters because it shows you what you've done and how far you've come. It can also serve as a reminder of who you no longer wish to be. Whether you had a great, encouraging childhood with supportive parents and you are now exactly where you want to be, or you had a difficult life, riddled with mistakes, your past matters. It does not, however, define who you are today.

The past shows you where you've been. Today, you have an opportunity to create who you want to be now.

The one simple question to ask is: "Is this who I am?"

Is this behavior, this action, this decision, a true reflection of who I am?

If you ask yourself this question before making decisions or taking action, then you actively participate in the creation of your life. You decide for yourself who you are and how you want to show up.

As God tells Walsch in the book, "Friendship With God," "Don't be who you thought you were, be who you wish you were."

You Are Not a Victim


You Are the Creator of Your Life

All the things that happen in your lifetime, good and bad, are a result of decisions. Of course, you could say that you didn't choose to be born a woman, or you didn't choose to be born in this country or that country, or you didn't choose your family of origin. So lets move beyond that, to the point in your life when you began having preferences and making choices.

Now, some might say that they don't get to have choices, because life is happening to them. They have no control. They have no say in the way things turn out. This is not true. Given what you know, what you have and where you are, you have choices.

You can choose not to be a victim. You can choose to take full responsibility for your life. You can choose to create the life you want. You are exactly where you want to be today, or you would do something different and you would be somewhere else.

It's not that easy, you say? Well, I would argue that it is exactly that easy. When you change your mind, then you can change your life. When you change your mind, you can change the world. Life really is that simple.

You can think the thoughts you want. You can say the words you'd like. You can choose the actions you take. You have an opportunity to create yourself anew in every moment, with every breath. You can think, do and have whatever you desire, when you are ready.

First, desire. You have to want it. The thought, the desire is the root of your creative power. Once you desire, your thoughts become words. Those words become actions. In this way, you create your life. Thought, word, and deed are the creative energies of the Universe. With these three tools, you create whatever life you desire.

The power of choice comes with great responsibility. If you can choose, then you are accountable for what shows up. If you aren't a victim, then you can only blame yourself.

When you are ready to take full responsibility for your life, then you can release the victim story and begin a new narrative, creating the life you really want.

What is Your Heart's Desire

What is Your True Hearts Desire?

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The Future is Bright


Bless the Past, Embrace the Future

The stories from your past serve to guide you. The events, mistakes, hurts and lessons all serve a purpose: to show you where you no longer want to go and who you no longer want to be.

The past is where you were. The present is where you are. The future is where you are heading. You have the power to create in this very moment, who you are and where you are heading. If, as you move forward, you decide on something else, then in the next moment, you get to choose again. That is the power of creating your life. In every moment, you get to choose again.

You can look back at the things you said and did, the things that were done to you, and you can let them go. Bless yourself, bless your mistakes. Bless others, bless their mistakes (no matter how painful or difficult, bless them and let them go. They are done.) Let go and bless the past. Stop clinging. The past cannot save or heal you. The past holds you back. Bless and release.

Now, look ahead. Let your future and your life be a process of creating the best, grandest version of yourself that you can imagine. Fill your life with joy, love, acceptance, blessings and gratitude. With these tools, you can create and experience yourself fully and completely.

Choose in this moment who you want to be and how you want to show up. Now, once you've chosen, take a step in that direction. Think the thoughts that the best you would think. Say the things that the grandest version of yourself would say. Speak words of hope and blessing over your own life and the lives of others. Begin creating the energy of who you truly are. Create a life that you like. Be the person you wish you were.

Now, do the things that the best you would do. Live your life as thought it were a gift. In this moment, it is the grandest gift you have. Offer love to yourself and those around you. Live as though you already are the best version of yourself. Do those things that you wish you could do. If it seems overwhelming, then just do one thing that you wish.

When in doubt, let go of fear and embrace love. Release those old stories of fear and victimization and pain and anger and rejection. Embrace love. Let yourself be filled completely. Now, go forth and experience yourself confidently.

Be the person you know, deep inside, that you truly are. The best, most wonderful version of yourself exists. All you have to do is choose again.

© 2019 Deborah Demander Reno


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    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      10 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      @Denise McGill,

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this article. It is true, we are in control of our lives in this moment. While the past can remind us of what we no longer want to experience, the future is a wide open horizon of hope and opportunity.


    • PAINTDRIPS profile image

      Denise McGill 

      10 months ago from Fresno CA

      This is so important. I know I'm a product of my past but I can't let that shape my future. Only I can do that.



    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      12 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Sheila, Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment on my article. I appreciate your positive feedback.

      I am glad to hear your feel inspired to change your stories and live your life on a positive note!


    • Sheila Ann Myers profile image

      Sheila A Myers 

      12 months ago from Elmira

      Deborah....Wow. This is very powerful and incredibly positive, informative and super inspirational!! I feel like I need to print this out, put it on my wall and read it every morning before I start my day... Seriously!!! Amazingly written!!!

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      13 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Audrey, thank you for your kind comment. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my article. Wishing you all the best.


    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      13 months ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Beautiful message and very well written. So much wisdom in every sentence. So much insight to help us all. We are love! We are God's treasures. What a wonderful thing this is!

      Thank you, Deborah, for this much-needed reminder to be who we truly are.


    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      17 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Dina, Thank you for the lovely comments.

      I try to write what I need to learn, and sometimes I need to remind myself that I am a creator.

      I agree, the most damage is done to us by our own mean stories and criticism.

      Have a wonderful day,


    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      17 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Thank your for you response Carolyn.

      Sometimes, we all need a little reminder of how awesome we are.

      Blessings to you, my friend.

    • thedinasoaur profile image

      Dina AH 

      17 months ago from United States

      Well, that was a nice way to carry on with my day, nice and strong and hopeful. I wonder if you'd ever write more about discovering who we are and shedding these stories that people tell us about ourselves (actually: I think the toughest thing to confront is the story we tell ourselves subconsciously. That's like a whole new thing that I am trying to navigate and discover).

      What a wonderful article you wrote! Keep on sharing that beautiful insight and the light you have to cast on it as well.

    • Carolyn M Fields profile image

      Carolyn Fields 

      17 months ago from South Dakota, USA

      Beautiful article. Thank you. I (kinda) already knew this, but sometimes I need a refresher course. Your words take me where I need to focus. I truly appreciate the effort you put into this.

      Blessings on your day,



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