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What to Do When You Are Childless by Choice

When you are childless by choice, you will find that you have loads of free time and money. Here are some things that you can do when you are childless by choice:

  1. Take over the world and restart society in your image.
  2. Find the location of Atlantis.
  3. Figure out how to turn diamonds into pixie dust.
  4. Write the next great American novel. Show it to no one.
  5. Start a band and become the next huge thing.
  6. Create an earworm that will never get out of anyone’s head and watch them go slowly insane.
  7. Make all the money.
  8. Start an inside joke that no one knows the origins of, and they are always confused about the details, but everyone references it as though know exactly what it is about.
  9. Discover at least eight kinds of lizards living in the Amazon (the rainforest or one of the Amazon warehouses).
  10. Try to convince everyone that you discovered Brazil, Portugal, and/or Spain.
  11. Try to convince everyone that Everest and K2 are actually the same mountain.
  12. Claim that you invented pineapples.
  13. Invent your own language and only speak in that language.
  14. Become a vampire and spend the rest of your undead life hunting werewolves.
  15. Create a YouTube channel where you do nothing but give away spoilers for movies and books, just to be a jerk.
  16. Solve a cold case. Pick one that is impossible to figure out (like Jack the Ripper or the Zodiac killer).
  17. Clone a sheep. Do not call it “Dolly.”
  18. Learn to fall up.
  19. Invent time travel. Dress up as the doctor. Find a companion and travel through time, messing everything up.
  20. Lead an alien invasion. Do not take over the world.

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