Tents Are Not Soundproof !!
I have camped under canvas and also in caravans for many years, and during those years I have heard , seen, and smelled things I could have well lived without.
Here´s my top 7 list of no no´s for those who forget that tents are not soundproof, and
that they are sharing space with others who may have escaped to the countryside for peace and tranquility, not your noise and disturbance.
And who may find your noisy kids..your yapping dog..your family disputes, your strip washes, and your god damned generator..more than they can handle.
Ignore these No No´s at your peril !!
My hopefully lighthearted take on
How not to be the neighbour from hell when camping under canvas.
Are They Having A Good Time ?
In And Around Your Tent
Problem - Domestic Dispute
Ok we all have them from time to time, and it´s easy for tempers to flare, especially if ..
A.One of you would rather be poked in the eye with a sharp stick than Consider a self catering holiday..especially under canvas to be a holiday rather than bad Karma from a previous life coming back to bite you on the bum.. Or
B. It has poured down with rain from five minutes after you pitched your tent and hasn´t let up for two and a half day´s of your precious weeks holiday. The weather mans telling you it´s set to continue for the next three days at least , and you are stuck in your tent with four other soggy individuals, three of whom are your children, who have by this time already started to go stir crazy with pent up energy they can no longer contain, and are driving you and the people in tents around you to the point of no return.
A. Never ever talk someone into going camping against their wishes. If your partner is high maintenance or even low maintenance but in need of pampering, a self catering holiday is the last thing he or she will have on their wish list. And lets face it, you either love or loath camping / the great outdoors / nature in the raw , etc etc.
B. Take the kids out..anywhere will do. Ok it will cost, but at least they won´t end up strangled, or divorcing you as parents for subjecting them to weird practises . Some kids don´t like camping either, specially ones addicted to designer everything and electronic " shoot em up" games .Taking your family out will not only improve their mood, but will also give your neighbours a break from their incessant whinging and whining and the all too familiar refrain of " I´m bored " or " I hate it here " repeated at two minute intervals...Remember
You may be used to their racket, and probably don´t even notice the decibels rising, but don´t impose it on others who came for a relaxing and peaceful holiday in the countryside. please.
TENTS ARE NOT SOUNDPROOF AND YOUR NEIGHBOURS DON´T WANT TO HEAR IT
And believe me when I tell you that those whispered hisses of accusation can be heard loud and clear by the folks in the next tent..and possibly half the campsite on a still night. As can threats of dire consequences to your children.
Do Not Send Your Kids Out To Play At The Crack Of Dawn
Just because you want a little more sleep and the monsters are up and raring to go. Have you any idea just how annoying it is to be woken up by your neighbours kids bouncing a football right outside your tent in the early hours of the morning..well let me put you straight - Very annoying..And If it happens to me one more time I shall not be held accountable for my actions..they´re your kids , don´t inflict them on strangers.
Do Not Allow Your Dog To Run Amok
Camping site´s which allow dogs usually have a strict set of rules, EG. Dogs must be kept on their leash at all times..This applies to everyone. Ok your family pet may be the most well behaved and people friendly mutt on planet earth, but the fact remains that some people are actually frightened of dogs, and one running about all over the place could ruin their holiday. They are also more likely to poop somewhere you don´t know about so cannot pick up after them whilst off leash, and male dogs do love to pee up some ones tent..would you like it if this happened to your tent ?
If your dog is a barker or yaps and whines a lot, or becomes very territorial the moment he arrives on site he or she will very quickly get on your neighbours nerves just like your kids bouncing a football outside their tent early in the morning.
Acceptable Torchlight Performance
Showing Off Your Skills In The Sleeping Bag
Not only are tent´s not soundproof, thereby allowing your grunts , groans, sighs, squeals, and give it to me baby, to be heard by all and sundry. If you inadvertently leave a torch or lantern shining as you perform your version of " The karma Sutra " You are likely to be spotted by at least one person wondering past your tent to get to the toilet block, or their own tent.
This can be highly embarrassing both for the innocent passer by, and also you and your partner..especially if word has got round and an audience has gathered and start to cheer when the performance has reached a crescendo and the final curtain has come down..so to speak. You may even be unlucky enough to see they are holding score cards up, like they do in ice skating, and if you only scored a 7-5, 6-4, 7-6..your ego may never recover !!
Now whilst using your torch or lantern to entertain your kids with various hand contortions to produce shadow Rabbits or flying bird´s is acceptable. Exposing your neighbours to a free peep show is not. It´s just too hard to explain it to the kids !!
If the torch or lantern was left on intentionally as you like to show off your bedroom prowess, do us all a favour and join a club, there must be hundreds out there, all you have to do is google !!
Just Get Him Drunk Enough - He Will Agree To Taking The Kitchen Sink !!
Everything But The Kitchen Sink
During my Camping under canvas day´s, before we were fortunate enough to be able to buy a caravan. I felt lucky just to have a tent with a separate kitchen comparment, Inflatable air beds, No leaks, and a 2 ring gaz stove and a stand to put it on .
These days it seems some campers are not happy unless they can transport almost half the contents of their home, or mini versions of.
If you see someone rolling in to the camping section of the site you are using, with a car full of kids and dogs, towing a massive trailer, and obviously intending to set up camp next to you, my advice would be to..
A. Quickly dot your face with bright red lipstick and run round screaming you have caught something highly contagious with no known cure..OR
B. Quickly de-camp and move to another spot, because chances are that apart from all the kids and dogs, your new would be neighbours have brought all the modern electrical appliances known to man, and if there´s no electric hook up, a noisy generator to power them all.
And quite honestly, the put put put noise of a generator along with the fumes they emit can quickly, very quickly, drive you to distraction, and that´s even before they switch on the TV..The mini washing machine.. The microwave..The sound system..And the gadget for blowing up the supersized air beds !!
And the parable of this story is. If you are a camper who can´t live without the gadgets, please at least find a site with electric hook up´s, so your neighbours don´t have to suffer the noise and fumes from your Genny.
No Nudity Please - We Are British
The Toilet And Washroom
Now it has to be said that in general we British don´t go a lot for nudity , with the odd exception, and they can go to naturist campsites as far as I´m concerned.
Some visitors from outside the UK have a totally different view on nudity, and don´t realise that´s it´s really very embarrassing for us when we walk into the toilet and shower blocks to find someone wearing nothing more than the skin they were born in, having a strip wash at the hand basins.
It gets even worse when suddenly halfway through cleaning your teeth, a leg gets hoiked up onto the lip of the sink next to the one you are using and bit´s that should never be exposed in public, get a good old scouring....Please all you visitors from abroad
" Yes , you know who you are !! " Beg , borrow , or steal the money to take a shower, and make sure you shut the blooming door too.
Just to prove I´m Not The Only Grumpy Old Woman - Please Take a Moment To Answer These Questions
Adult only - Naturist - Dog Free /Dog Friendly Camping Sites
There are many listings on the Internet for camping sites. All will give you information regarding sites in the UK you may wish to visit, either with your tent or caravan. Here are just a few to get you started.
Adultcampsites.com. Ukcampsite.co.uk. 365campingcaravanning.com. Adultonlycampsites.co.uk.
All the above will also give information on naturism campsites and dog or no dog allowed sites too.
Your comments and votes are always really appreciated, so please do feel free to leave them. Thank you :)
Suzie from Carson City on May 27, 2018:
and I hope the same for you! It's been so long since we've crossed paths or chatted. Be happy Be Safe....Paula
Anne (author) from Spain on May 27, 2018:
Good to hear from you too.
This is a very old hub but has been commented on twice in the last couple of days, very strange as I thought I had or hp had stopped showing it.
Hope you well my dear friend xx
Suzie from Carson City on May 27, 2018:
Hey Anne! Good to see you, stranger. Very interesting, informational article. I can easily solve this issue in my life. Hate to be an old stick in the mud (LOL) but right off the bat~~ I say "No," to tent-camping."
Oh...OK, scratch that. I've always said, "NO!" to camping, in general!
Seriously. My idea of camping is a suite at the Marriott with a balcony.
There are serious limits to my adventurous side......:) Paula
Anne (author) from Spain on May 24, 2018:
Hi sgt strode.
Thanks for reading and your comment, I take your points and they are all very valid, but this was meant to be a fun piece, written when I recalled some of the times and things that happened during my camping days.
Sgt Strode from Australia on May 23, 2018:
Aside from etiquette issues, you should have done a category on tent safety. Some people think nothing of situating a campfire too close to a tent or where prevailing winds will blow the smoke directly into the tent. Others will burn candles in tents or set the tent up in a dry creekbed, which may look so flat and open that it's positively inviting. Of course, it only takes a rainstorm somewhere in that catchment area to turn the place into a flash flood.
Anne (author) from Spain on January 17, 2017:
Hello @ CampFullMonte
Thank you for taking the time to read and your comment.
I have many people renting my villa here in Spain who strip down to the bare bones when using the swimming pool and I don´t mind that as long as they are dressed up top by or at the villa so I´m not faced with their bits and bob´s in my face as it where! :-) As for me, , I wouldn´t go the naturist way for any number of Gold pigs if there was any chance of being seen by another human being, my god they would be haunted with nightmares for the rest of their lives!!
I wish you and your wife every success in your new life in Montenegro, its similar to what my late husband and I did when we left Blighty for sunnier climes 15 years ago. We had initially thought of starting a small camping/ caravanning site in the UK but then decided on buying a villa in Spain and renting that to tourists instead. Better weather and more chance of making enough to live on.
Steve n Denise from Montenegro on January 17, 2017:
My guess is that this post is now some three years old and it's great to see that casual non-sexual nudity is not so much of a "no-no" for campers - Just 4% of respondents at the time of writing. Perhaps the tenet "No nudity - we're British"has finally had it's day. It's certainly true that we're strong advocates of "clothing optional" camping facilities. Mainly on practical grounds. It can be a real pain trying to dress in a small tent, as can grappling about trying to find something to slip on for that short walk to the washrooms. Being able to use washroom facilities without having to attain an Olympic level of "towel dancing" skills (just in case someone SEE's your real self) makes a refreshing change! It also means you need less luggage - more room for the kitchen sink ;-) and less end of holiday laundry. Above all, for us, it is the kind of person that you'll meet and share space with that is the biggest appeal. Your camping neighbours will be friendly, open minded and respectful. To such an extent that I can honestly say few of our guests are guilty of the "no no's" cited above. That said, we respect that, for some, the joy of camping naturally in nature is still a pitch too far but we'd recommend challenging your thinking in this regard. You might be surprised how quickly you adjust and actually start to love it! A high proportion of our guests are trying it for the first time and freely admit that being natural in nature was the highlight of their camping holiday. Thanks are also due to the author for publishing links to information about naturist camping possibilities despite her own preferences. There are plenty of (arguably better) resources out there. Most of the major camping directories allow you to search for naturist offerings or you can start by using your favourite search engine with key words like "Clothing Optional Camping". Go on - try it - I dare you :-)
Anne (author) from Spain on November 24, 2013:
It´s not far off brass monkeys here either love despite the sunshine and last Saturday morning there was a thin covering of snow on the tops of the mountains very close to my house, it´s still nice to have the sunshine though even if the wind can be strong enough to knock you over at times and can get through all the layers and freeze you to the bone in seconds.
I can´t believe this hub has had 2 viewings today after standing idle for months on end, makes me wonder what´s going on !
Lovely to hear from you and thank you so much for your great comment. Keep well and keep warm . All the best. Anne :)
Graham Lee from Lancashire. England. on November 24, 2013:
Hi Annie. What a cracking hub. Truthful, funny and absorbing. It's freezing here at' minute so no camping for me. What a great presentation as well, I do wish I could do similar. Well enjoy the sunshine whilst you can.
voted up and all.
Anne (author) from Spain on November 24, 2013:
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this hub.
My heart goes out to you all in the Philippines after the terrible tragedy. I hope some some kind of normality is now being restored.
JPSO138 from Cebu, Philippines, International on November 24, 2013:
I love camping and normally we camp out in a beach area or on theountain area. Normally we travel for this outside our city si there not much of a problem on noises and other things. What we hear is just nature at its best. Great hub!
MysticMoonlight on May 04, 2013:
Will do bac2basics! And thanks for keeping all crossed! :)
Anne (author) from Spain on May 04, 2013:
Hi Gordon. Many thanks for reading voting and leaving a comment. You have some wonderful places to get lost and fish in your neck of the woods, I´ll be waiting from a hub from you entitled " The one that got away " LOL. Have a great time when you go and don´t forget the mozzie spray :)
Gordon Hamilton from Wishaw, Lanarkshire, United Kingdom on May 03, 2013:
As someone who used to go camping regularly but hasn't been for a while, bac2basics, I can certainly relate to all of your points and I enjoyed the read. Re the poll, I was torn between noisy neighbours and the dog/kids thing but went for the dog/kids. I'm actually hoping to get camping again this summer but it will be out in the middle of nowhere near a handy fishing spot - nowhere near a campsite! :)
Anne (author) from Spain on May 03, 2013:
Hi Mystic. I have all crossed for you that your neighbours and your camping trip are great, and as an added bonus that the weather is too. I would love to hear how it went, so maybe you could tell me that when you get back :)
MysticMoonlight on May 03, 2013:
Hello bac2basics! Oh my gosh! Too funny but so true!!! We are planning a camping trip soon and I really, really hope that we manage to stear clear of the noisy kids/dogs/prowness in the sleepingbag/nudity in the washroom/hauling the entire house people! :) I enjoyed reading this so much and I will be chuckling (while hoping on the inside that we don't encounter such rude and abrasive people) on our trip and thinking of this Hub the whole time! Thank you for this handy heads-up! :)
Anne (author) from Spain on November 15, 2012:
Hiya PS. Good to hear from you and I do agree, it´s sometimes hard to keep your sense of humour especially when sleep deprived due to the folk in a nearby tent keeping you awake the night before or their kids waking you up at ungodly hours of the morning. Angels your way too :)
Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on November 15, 2012:
O my yes...these are spot on. I have endured many of these same unpleasantries shall we say. We camped many times in tents and it was not always a pretty thing. The rainy camping trip is not fun especially when it unexpectedly turns cold....soggy and cold not a great combination.
We have also been prey to those who have a dog who is running through dropping bombs along the way or begging for food. We also know the bleary eyed mornings because, just as we fell off to sleep, someone cackled so loudly we all were awakened.
We tried to keep our sense of humor about the whole thing but sometimes that was challenging. Enjoyed reading this, bac2basics. :) Sending Angels your way. ps
Anne (author) from Spain on September 16, 2012:
Hi peanut. Sounds like a very eventful but fun trip. I know what you mean about whining kids at 6am..I had my fill of them years ago. I have a very funny story to tell about one family during a very wet week in Wales, but know I wouldn´t get away with it on HP. Thanks for taking the time to read and your great comment. Keep well dear :)
Tara Carbery from Cheshire, UK on September 16, 2012:
Ha ha! I've just got back from a camping weekend in Derbyshire and it was a real comedy of errors. It was so windy, I thought my tent was going to blow away! I could hear snoring from all directions and managed to set fire to my coat on my gas stove! Despite all that though we all had a bloody good laugh which is what it's all about! Luckily no one was getting up to any hunky dory (or at least I didn't hear them.) No one brought kids with them (hurrah!) When I camped about a month ago at Aysgarth falls I was woken up by whining kids at six in the morning and could have cheerfully murdered them! I'm not good without sleep or coffee!
Anne (author) from Spain on September 09, 2012:
Hiya Graham. I´m pleased I brought a smile to your face, and some memories too. Like we say in our neck of the woods " We didn´t have much money-But we did see life" And you see it all when camping. Have a great Sunday, and thanks for reading and your comment. :)
Graham Lee from Lancashire. England. on September 09, 2012:
Hi Annie. This brings a smile as we have many mishaps in the past. Long ago now but well remembered.
Anne (author) from Spain on September 09, 2012:
Hi Valley. Thank you so much for reading and your praise. I have camped a lot in the lake district too, my very favourite place being Dungeon Ghyll in Great langdale. :)
Thanks also for letting me know where you hail from in Lancashire. You have some lovely countryside around you there, and some great folk too.
Valleypoet on September 09, 2012:
I enjoyed this lighthearted look at the pros and mainly cons of camping. I have done a fair bit myself, mostly in the Lake District. I must admit though, perhaps it's just my age, give me a B & B any day of the week! You write some really interesting hubs...keep em coming!
Anne (author) from Spain on September 08, 2012:
Hi Glimmer. Yes you see and hear it all in a tent. I was gobsmacked to hear that your neighbours sat and watched TV for day´s on end..I can´t get my head round that one either...what´s the point in going away if that´s all you can find to do...very odd. Pleased you enjoyed the read, and thank you for taking the time to comment. :)
Claudia Mitchell on September 08, 2012:
I am NOT a tent camper but my husband talked us into renting a caravan a couple of times and I actually enjoyed. Only when I saw what the tent campers were doing in the site next to our and then I quickly drew our shades. At another time tent campers set up camp next to us and promptly pulled out an extremely large television and watched for days on end. Never go the point of that at all! Funny hub!