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This Isn't Fiction

this-isnt-fiction

“Ok, so I know this sounds insane, trust me, I know, but this was exactly how it happened.

It was a typical day, you know? Waking up at the crack of dawn, switching on my laptop to immediately start finishing up my assignments, crying about the fact that I had to wake up this early to finish my work when everyone within the 10km radius is still enjoying their time in dreamland, a typical morning. Now, at this timing, everyone at my house would obviously be asleep, they have always been. I always made sure that my despair never woke them up from their slumber, and I really don’t know why it was different this morning, but it was.

After the tumultuous journey, I’d been on to finish my work, I went to take a shower to reward myself. It must have been only less than 10 minutes, but that was all it took for things to go wrong. I came out of the shower and felt super refreshed like I could take on the world. My mood have been lifted all the way to the high heavens before I saw an empty tray on the printer, and it came crashing down to hell. My printer was the top of the line, the best printer this city has ever sold. This printer has never let me down before, which was why it was weird I didn’t see my freshly printed work laying there, waiting for me to whisk it off to a bright and limitless day. I immediately went to check on my printer and noticed that it wasn’t even switched on. But it was weird because the printer was warm. And why would it be warm if it was never switched on? I went around to figure out the problem, only to find the cord being chewed almost all the way through. I was caught off-guard of course, I wasn’t expecting this to happen, but it did.

She was awake.

I immediately went to check up on her to see if my papers were with her. I mean she chewed the cord, so it stands to reason that my papers are with her, right?

But it wasn’t.

I could feel all the blood rushing to my head. Where was the paper? Did she eat it? Was she going to be sick? I couldn’t really think clearly by that point, so I figured I would just stick to my schedule. Make my breakfast, eat it, and then run out of the house to try to find an open printing shop to print my assignment, hand it in, and then run back home to check on her digestive system. It was a quick breakfast, eggs and two slices of buttered toast. After I swallowed it whole, I started to pack up and get ready to leave, until I reached my laptop only to find that there are coffee all over it. Remember the 5 cups of coffee I had? It was only now did I realise it was only 4 and a half. And then my vision started to blur. I immediately spammed press the on button hoping that it would light, which it did. The relief that flooded me was unparalleled. Anyways, my laptop turned on, so naturally, I went to check on my assignment, only to see it was deleted. And then I saw red. Who deleted my file when I was in the shower?

At this point when I started screaming in frustration everyone in the house was awake. They all popped into my room thinking that I was probably getting abducted or something, seeing how loud my screams were. They all said what I was already thinking, that she probably did it. But how could she? She didn’t have the necessary motor skills to access my laptop.

Amid my cries, my father went to check up on her. She was still sound asleep, but there was something different about her. She smelled like coffee. That pretty much confirmed her involvement in this, but I wasn’t quite convinced. No one was, to be honest. So, my dad went ahead and tapped in on her little camera we got her since the last time she went out. And then everything became clear.

I didn’t do anything different, she did. Last night, instead of eating her usual food, she ate something spicy which made her extremely upset. It was an accident, of course, we didn’t feed it to her, but she accidentally tasted spice and started running around the house like a sports car out of control. It got annoying after a while, so my mum gave her this little pill that knocked her right out. After that I guess her sleep timing got messed up or something, and so since she went to sleep 3 hours earlier than usual, she woke up 3 hours earlier than usual.

She spent the first hour of her consciousness just walking around, doing nothing in particular. The second hour she spent watching my door because there was light seeping through. The third hour she basically just laid back in her bed fast asleep, except for the 15 minutes window where she destroyed my morning’s work.

While I was in the shower, the small whirring noise of the printer maybe annoyed her or she thought it was a friend, but she started pushing up against all its buttons. When my work came out onto the paper tray, she tore it. Shredded it to pieces. Then the printer beeped, as it does to inform you that the printing was done, but to her, it may have sounded more like a threat. So, she chewed on the cords. Now the shredded paper she just shoved it under the table, it was quite amazing how she cleaned it up actually. But then after, I guess the faint smell of coffee still wafted from my room, so she went in it and spilt the coffee all over my laptop. Then when it spilt, she panicked and started walking all over it, deleting my work in the process. After that I came out of the shower, she heard me, and ran all the way back into her bed and pretended she was asleep.

I know this sound like I’m making it up, but I swear I’m not. This may be an excuse for some people, but this is a reason for me. I’m sincerely apologetic that my dog ate my homework and trashed my computer, but this was really out of my hands.”

“Did you just say you only started on the assignment this morning when it was assigned to you almost two months ago?”

“…no?”

“You’re not getting the extension, and please send your dog my warmest regards.”

“But…”

And now I have a D. damn it.

© 2021 Alison Lian

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