The Dysfunctional Lives of Bananas
What Really is With The Banana
a banana is an edible fruit– botanically a berry– produced by several kinds of large herbaceous flowering plants in the genus Musa. In some countries, bananas used for cooking may be called "plantains", distinguishing them from dessert bananas. The fruit is variable in size, color, and firmness, but is usually elongated and curved, with soft flesh rich in starch covered with a rind, which may be green, yellow, red, purple, or brown when ripe.
That’s the official meaning of our good old American mainstay, the banana. And I have come to know that there is more to learn about the scientific terminology about this delicious fruit that takes a lot of friction, but offers no retaliation. I would yell, go bananas, but I am not a hypocrite.
Warning: when you begin to read this piece about a so-called soft and humble fruit that has been fooling us all in the U.S.A. as well as the world, you should sit down. Try not to turn against the banana because I feel that why bananas have such dysfunctional lives is not all their doing. I could say that bananas are at the center of some elaborate conspiracy to possibly act as a “sleeper” fruit to learn every weakness that our Armed Forces and Federal Government has just so they, the lowly banana, will be able to take over the world without slicing the banana’s peal.
Let’s Start From The Beginning
to try and learn all we can about how the banana has been completely-hidden from the truth as it pertains to our way of life, government, and Federal policies.
- As a child, the banana has always been the choice of new parents because the soft fruit of the banana cannot cause strangling by the little child. The banana is so clever that it slyly got itself into those huge baby food corporations and when parents quickly realized that bananas can be fed (via spoon) to the baby and from that moment on, this was a well-planned deception on behalf of the banana because once the babies have been “banana washed” they will go willingly to the various ploys that the banana can employ to take over our country.
- And what would the workplace be without the banana? Empty. Everyone in any office is now eating healthy and the banana is at the forefront of Healthy Lifestyles. Most office workers who do not eat from public eateries, can bring our friend, the banana in their lunch and enjoy every bite of this delicious fruit—because like the above point, the adult is always reminded what a joy the banana gave them when they were first introduced by the banana.
- The banana is not in one central area, but in the 1970s, NBC TV produced a kid’s program entitled The Banana Splits which was humans in banana skins who, in a half-hour, solved the problem of the week all while singing as well as the Monkees ever did. You see now how easily the banana can infiltrate the biggest, most-powerful entities.
- To further add to the ongoing Banana Controversy, did you know that even the banana had a singing background? Do you recall the song, “Yes, We Have no Bananas,” written by Frank Silver and Leonard Cohn? This is the absolute truth and although the song was categorized as a novelty song, America and the world instantly-loved the song and even in 2019, this song is still being sang by up and coming nightclub acts hoping that this one song will propel them to Comedy Central.
- I shouldn’t share this shameful social event, but I think that in all fairness, I shall tell you right now. The banana, believe it or not, had a big popularity to the Hippy Culture in the 1960s. Allegedly, the Hippies, in order to get high because they had no money for real illegal drugs, scraped the inner-side of the banana skin, dried it and then smoked it with a pipe. It is no wonder why the banana has enjoyed such a dysfunctional life—because the fruit actually has not had a solid place to occupy the society since the banana was introduced.
- And the so-called innocent banana is still considered a dangerous, life-endangered fruit. Are you aware that the low-life banana has taken over the city sidewalks and stairs? True. The numerous citizens have fell victim to the so-called innocent fruit? Yes. The banana plants itself on the busy sidewalks and stairs and allows the pedestrians to fall and possibly suffer injury—but not without the innocent bystanders falling down with laughter at this citizen who is laying on his face to the cement.
- I hate to share this shameful-sight that a lot of bank tellers have witnessed. I know that a lot of shifty, cunning robbers have used a banana to help hold-up a bank. How? These robbers kept a banana hidden in their coat pocket and let it appear that the banana was a pistol. I told you that this was shameful.
God help the poor bananas. I know that we all have been a bit deceived as to the innocence of the banana, but please understand the banana—it really does not occupy ONE place. The banana is deceptive as well as entertaining and cruel. It must be awful for the banana not having an identity.
I leave you with this FREE valuable tidbit of guidance: do NOT trust any banana, not even the tasty banana split made with ice cream, whipped cream and a cherry. The banana, which I hoped has seen the light about bananas, is dangerous and can cause you to suffer physical injury with a bad dose of embarrassment. You’d be in a good place if you just stuck to apples.
May 7, 2019____________________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery