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What Animals Do You Keep in Your Bra, Ladies?

Rochelle Frank wrote humorous bits for her college newspaper many years ago. Her funny observations have continued in print and online.

A twenty-four year old veterinarian in Texas has apparently tickled the imagination of animal lovers with her method of comforting traumatized baby critters such as squirrels, kittens, possums and rabbits.

Newspaper reports say that she snuggles them inside her bra while wearing it. This apparently calms an orphaned critter by making it feel warm and cushy. It is also a good way to monitor the activity of a small mammal, by keeping it close.

According to the song, weasels tend to "pop".

According to the song, weasels tend to "pop".

While I am not totally opposed to the idea of people keeping small animals in their lingerie for thereputic purposes, I think this is not for everyone.

In fact, considering the social disruption such a trend could cause, I propose that this should only be legal for licensed professional veterinarians who wear bras in the privacy of their own home or office, whether they be male or female.

Having hissing possum sounds coming from one's cleavage, would seem to be a social detriment, that might distress and alarm nearby people.

At the very least, it might bring up questions about whether something was deflating.


A Secret?

Could this practice be the real answer to Victoria's secret? It makes me wonder if female veterinarians buy larger sized bras than they would normally wear, in order to accommodate various species of wildlife. Even a small kitten or two would surely add another cup size.

And what about natural bodily functions associated with small animals, actually with all animals? Wouldn't you think that having cupfuls of furry creatures in such close contact, would result in some embarrassing deposits, odors and stains?

Another thing, though I am really hesitant to bring this up, but what is the first thing a tiny kitten looks for after it is born? Well, never mind.

Animal activists may latch on to this idea and lobby for laws which require bra manufacturers to take orphaned mammals into account in sizing their products. My ultimate worry is that big-hearted women with a little extra room in their bras, will begin to see this as a way to participate in the protection of endangered species and start going around with baby prairie dogs, wombats, or lemurs tucked inside their undergarments.


What Size ?

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Does it Enhance the Bustline?

I can recall when I was a teen, that some girls, especially when attending formal or dress-up occasions, felt the need to enhance their bust line measurements with a little stuffing of tissue, cotton or even foam rubber bosom enhancers.

I never considered doing this myself, of course, but if I had I certainly never would have contemplated using squirmy mammals.

Foam rubber animals might have been considered, but never live critters which tend to be somewhat lumpy, wiggly and difficult to keep in place. Foam rubber animals are difficult enough to position properly, though how would I really know that?

Can you imagine slow dancing with your teenage beau and giving him the unintended impression that your heart was doing flip flops because of his nearness?

"I think I can feel your heart beating", he whispers breathily in your ear.

"No, it's a weasel," you answer with similar breathiness.

Then suddenly it goes "pop", as weasels are prone to do, right out the top of your lace trimmed formal.

He then runs screaming from the festively decorated high school gymnasium, as your classmates stare in disbelief.

Bra cat, perhaps traumatized as a kitten.

A Disturbing Mental Image

Have you ever walked down the street and seen a person in front of you who seems to have a couple of combative black footed ferrets in her shorts?

This could actually happen if people are not careful about what should be allowed. Believe me, it's not a pretty sight.

Then there is a whole other world of animals that are not furry. What about frogs? Think about the giant banana slug and the spiny sea urchin. Don't they need protecting? But who in their rightful mind would invite these creatures into their bosom?

Ladies, remember what your Mom said, and be very careful about who gets into your intimate garments.

If it costs us a few banana slugs and wombats, so be it. At least you will still have your self respect and dignity.

A Pair of Ferrets

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© 2008 Rochelle Frank