My Awkward Life: I Swear I'm Not a Predator!
My partner has gone to work and all three kids have gone to school. I’m curled up tight and warm in my queen sized bed. Not a worry in the world. I have the day off and no appointments.
My dog, Charlie, is laying on the floor on my side of the bed (she’s always in my room and on my side of the bed. Clearly I’m a favourite here).
Everything seems normal and the house is quiet. The dogs asleep and the cats are somewhere downstairs. I'm all cozy in my perfectly selected blankets. (With these specific blankets, it creates the perfect temperature for sleeping and cuddling without getting too hot or too cold).
Life is good!
I wake up and roll over to check the time. It’s 8:53 am and I notice I have a text message from my partner. He doesn’t usually text me shortly after heading to work. So I’m very curious and perhaps a little concerned what he has to say so early in his work day.
The text reads, "Hey, the middle child has forgotten her towel. And her class is going swimming today. Can you bring her one? The bus leaves at 9:10".
Nope! Just kidding.
Now this is not an abnormal text, nor is it asking “too much”. We‘re like five blocks from the school. And I have often run things to the school and back for the children. Especially the VERY forgetful middle child.
So the problem isn't that I have to take a towel to the school. The problem is, that I have to take a towel to the school before 9:10 am and I'm still in my nice warm bed. Beneath my perfectly selected blankets. And not only that, but I'm in my pajamas as well. And I have no time to get "ready" before I leave the house.
I've grabbed a towel from downstairs and am making my way to the truck. I've managed to grab a sweater to throw over top of my pj top. Which both hides the fact that I am a large breasted woman and I that I am NOT wearing a bra. And keeps me warm because it's still winter (some of you may be asking, "Isn't it always winter in Canada?" The answer is, yes.).
My hair was a wild mess but I figured I could cover most of it with a hat. So instead of attempting to brush the rat's nest on top of my head. I just covered it up with a hat that my sister has been missing for a couple years. (oops)
I load myself and one of our ugly, white, possibly "borrowed" from a resort towels into the truck (I would never send a nice towel with the middle child).
I didn't even bother to put on shoes. It's just a short walk to the truck. Nothing my "indoor/outdoor" slippers couldn't handle (they aren't really made for the great outdoors...especially when there is snow on the ground. But for some reason I wear them anyway. I've gone through a few pairs of slippers).
Okay, so I am finally in the big red truck (the one that burns all the gas). I have a hat covering my bedhead, a sweater containing the ladies, some very obviously pj pants (I won't be getting out of the vehicle anyway), and my indoor/outdoor slippers.
And I for sure can make it to the school by 9:10 am.
I pull up to the school and see not one, but three school buses waiting for the kids. Lucky for me, these buses are still empty and I should be able to catch the middle child on her way to the bus. So instead of going in and working my way through the sea of extremely excited children. Who will fill not one, but three school buses. I choose to wait in the truck.
So I anxiously wait. I don't want to miss her.
The kids start filing out of the school. Picture three school bus loads of kids who are going swimming instead of sitting in class. Chaos, it was chaos watching these kids run out of the school. Very happy I didn't go in earlier.
One of the first kids I see is our youngest child. I got all anxious thinking that maybe I will miss the middle child coming out of the building in this sea over overly excited kids!
So my first reaction is to completely forget how I am dressed and jump out of my truck. I run towards the youngest child (who is running to a bus with his friend. Probably hoping to get a good seat on the bus...oops).
From the corner of my right eye I can see a concerned staff member moving in on us. And I honestly can't blame her. She probably doesn't recognize me as a parent. So all she sees is clearly a mentally unstable woman. With a rat nest of a hairdo "hidden" under a hat. Wearing an obviously longer than jacket length housecoat under her jacket (it's grey will white polka dots and looks as though it is an ugly dress sticking out from under my coat) and slippers.
Not only am I yelling at this point. But I am also running in my indoor/outdoor slippers towards some kids getting on the bus to their field trip.
I repeat, I am NOT a predator.
Staff member approaches me and my youngest child and asks if everything was okay. Youngest child is too concerned with answering all my questions as fast as humanly possible so that he and his friend can get a good seat on the bus.
And I am too busy trying to ask the youngest child where the middle child was because I had this towel that I needed to deliver before 9:10 am (a task that seemed so simple in the beginning. But now I am thinking "yup, I'm going to jail").
We both kind of ignore the staff member and mumble something about a towel in her direction. She seemed pleased with the answer?
I'll admit, a small mission like this will usually increase my anxiety. Even if everything goes super smoothly. And so far, nothing about this adventure has gone smoothly. So internally, I am freaking the ?#$! out.
So the youngest child has left me and the staff member no longer sees me as a threat and has gotten into her truck.
I stand there waiting. White with blue stripes, borrowed resort towel in hand. And for some stupid reason I actually thought that the middle child would be along shortly. The middle child is never on time. And sometimes forgets about an event all together!
Enough kids ran by me to fill the three school buses full, minus one seat. And finally, there was the middle child!
Three times. Three times I had to yell at the middle child before she realized someone was calling her.
"Oh! Thanks for the towel!", she said as she took the towel and ran towards the bus.
"You're spoiled!", I called after her.
She smirked as she got on the bus to fill that final seat. But little did she know. I almost went to jail for being wrongfully accused of being child predator. All because she didn't remember she needed a towel for swimming.
© 2019 Tracy B