Kenneth, born and raised in the South, resides in Hamilton, Alabama. He enjoys sharing his unique perspectives on life through his writing.
If Someone With Wisdom
and know-how would be so cooperative as to talk with me only for a few priceless minutes, I would be more than glad to share a few handy-dandy inventions that not only would be a benefit for America, but for the people who are a part of the hefty Unemployment Number.
How do I know? Just give me a working laptop and a few hours of silence each day and my brain (and faith) can come up with such amazing things that they would curl your hair. Just wait. Your hair will surely curl when you read about my inventions in a short time.
On Top of My Amazing
introduction (at the top) comes not only each invention or notion, but how each stroke of genius can be used and who can use it. You cannot beat a deal like that.
So without any more of my jaw-wagging, just take a look at the things and ideas that you might be buying at your favorite store next week.
Boredom-Busting Boots and Shoes -- this idea is so simple that not even Einstein could have come up with it. What needs to happen is an enterprising group of people who know a lot about shoes can meet with a handful of software engineers who are jobless and in need of a good job. Now the trick. Have the sharp-thinking software engineers to create a program that can be manufactured into shoes (for men and women) and when they are sitting and nothing is going on, the shoes owner can flip a small switch cleverly-hidden on the inside of one of the shoes and out comes beautiful music by Scott Joplin who penned "The Entertainer," and Duke Ellington and the big band will bring the shoes owner many hours of enjoyment and the shoes owner can even do some tap dancing without hurting the program that is inside the soles of their shoes, so it's a win, win situation.
Pontoon Pantyhose -- for the adventurous woman in 2018. Let's say that this athletic woman is on a date with a guy whom she has met at a local singles bar and they are having a great time--having a delicious steak dinner, taking in a great film and then the guy suggests that they talk a long walk because the day is so perfect. During the walk, the two approach a river that looks so romantic and hypnotic. That was until the guy, who is really a guy who is afraid of his own shadow, falls into the river and he is screaming for help. Not to worry. The fast-thinking, always prepared woman dives into the river and with one simple yank, her pantyhose is instantly changed to a sturdy raft that the woman uses to rescue her male date. Oh, did I share that her date confided at dinner that he had never learned to swim?
Lethal Lipstick -- another neat life-saving invention by the same software engineers who brought you the Boredom-Busting Shoes. The woman, an independent, empowered woman of power and respect, is walking to her car that is parked in her company's parking area. Uh, oh! A troublemaker looking for fast cash starts to mug this powerful woman in 2018, with one kiss from her lethal lips will send him fast asleep until the cops can take him to jail. She is wearing a special lipstick that is odorless, tasteless, but oh what a punch it can put on someone looking for trouble.
Sleep Your Way From Trouble -- with a very special mental exercise that only can be taught by the Buddhist Monks in Tibet. It will take from two to three years of studying how to fall completely asleep if you need to fall to the floor or on a city bus. Let's say that you have learned how to sleep on a dime by simply repeating a special Buddhist chant that is guaranteed for success. When the pupil needs it, the man or woman who is captured by three gossiping relatives at a family reunion, can go right to sleep and the relatives can call an ambulance who will transport him or her to the emergency room to be checked out. What a relief it can be when the attending doctor tells you that nothing is wrong, but you will have to stay overnight for a good rest. What could be better?
Mind-Over-Mouth Capsules -- are just the thing to save you from a gang of people whose feelings you have hurt simply by refusing to eat the food that they have cooked. This special capsule that our software engineers have perfected are able to get whatever food (bad or good) down without you getting the least bit sick and everyone is happy. A card of 24 taste-free, odor-free capsules can be yours for $19.95 and each capsule is good for four to five hours.
The Hovering-Hard-Hat -- is a dual-purpose invention that should open a lot of eyes on American consumers as soon as it hits the market. The inventors of this item can save lives as well as bring smiles to a youngster who is celebrating a birthday. With several, tiny gas outlets placed in the base of the hard hat, the owner if he or she sees a mugger or two out to steal them blind, all that the hard hat owner needs to do is tap the back of the hard hat and the gas surges so much that the hard hat is kept hovering while the stunned muggers can only look with amazement while the innocent hard hat owner gets a clean get-away. And if the hard hat owner's little four-year-old niece invites him or her to celebrate her birthday, all that is needed is a clown get-up and the little one can watch the hard hat hover in the air and be the happiest little girl in the world.
Life-Saving Balloon Belt -- is made for both men or women. The belt is designed with fashion in mind, but it carries a clever secret: if the owner is traveling on an airliner and is forced to land, but more trouble comes, God forbid, when the parachutes are given out, no worries for the wearer of this belt. All that the owner of the belt needs to do is jump before pressing a small button on the inside of the belt and the belt inflates to 10 times its size and easily carries the owner safely to the ground. I think that before this belt is introduced to the public, the belt should be sternly-tested by a SEAL team in a secret location and if these guys approve this belt, it will save numerous lives.
S.O.S. Socks -- are ready to signal "help" if you are ever abandoned on a deserted island. The socks are made to never rot with water wear and is guaranteed to never ravel. What else do you need? Let's say that you are in a real-life scenario like Tom Hanks in Castaway, but with you, the cruise liner you were traveling on, sprung a big leak in the ship's hull and is sinking. No worries. You grab a lifeboat and paddle to the nearest island. Then, thanks to the S.O.S. Socks, you can rub sticks together and light the socks like a piece of dry paper sending up a massive light into the sky that any rescue plane or ship can spot. You will thank me for buying extra S.O.S. Socks, but sorry. The sticks to rub and make a fire are not included.
It will not be long before we see items like these and more on your late-night television programming. And you know that these items are of good quality because you hear, "Not sold in stores." Keep your credit card handy.
And the three card monte continues . . .
© 2018 Kenneth Avery
Kenny Avery on October 02, 2018:
Chloe, Elijah, and Poppy -- thank you three for taking time to read this piece. I really mean that.
You could have done a hundred different things than read this piece, but you chose to read it and I am forever in your debt.
Peace and write me anytime.
Chloe stovall on September 21, 2018:
I feel like every plane in america should have parachutes in compartments above the seats just in case of an emergency.
Elijah A Alexander Jr from Washington DC on May 07, 2018:
I find them very interesting I just don't think I would be interesting in obtaining any of them.
Well written by an Einstein of invention. LOL
Poppy from Enoshima, Japan on May 07, 2018:
Glad to see you're writing so much, Kenneth. I'm happy you recovered from your sickness :)