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Learn how to read women and know what they want
Guys are perpetually confused about women and all the signals they send and are often desperately searching for the hidden secrets to women's behavior. Even when a woman is as clear as day about not liking a guy, the guy can find some snippet of the conversation to convince himself that the woman actually does like him, that there is some hope, that the woman might actually like him, that there date has gone well when it's really gone horribly wrong.
In fact, guys waste a lot of time asking themselves why a particular girl likes them or doesn't. With this handy list, you will be able to tell for certain whether a girl does or doesn't like you. There are no secrets, just common sense.
She Never Returns Your Calls
There's the basic thing here that all guys deal with, which is you call, leave a message, and never hear back. Look, if a girl likes you, she'll call you back. It's all a matter of degree in some cases though. If you call her while she's in the cab on the way home from your first date and you're asking for a second date, she might not return your call because you're a loser. Always wait three days to call. If she doesn't return your call, she doesn't want anything to do with you. Of course, there's always the possibility she had an accident or lost both her arms and simply can't return your call, so you might want to check local hospitals before concluding you're completely out-of-luck.
She Ignores You
This is a more subtle thing that's very important to pay attention to. Ignoring can be something like not returning your calls. However, people who like other people simply don't ignore them, unless they're our mothers. See, if you're sitting in a restaurant and having a one-way conversation, you need to ask yourself how much this woman likes you.
If you take her dancing and she walks off and starts dancing with somebody else, she's telling you by her ignoring you in this specific fashion, that she doesn't like you. Now, if the woman is deaf or has seizures, make sure you are aware of that before concluding you're being ignored.
She Always Takes a Separate Car
If you find yourself going everywhere in a separate vehicle, then something is wrong. However, distance is obviously a factor here. If you both live on opposite sides of town, then this makes sense, but if she's always insisting she drives and you live a block away, she doesn't want to be in the same car as you. Usually a woman will just break it off before this ever even becomes a problem, but it may be that you're taking her to good restaurants and she likes the free meals, but doesn't want to be in a situation where you might say, lean over and kiss her. Anyway, this behavior definitely says "dislike".
She says: "I Just Want to Be Friends"
We all know this one, so don't kid yourself, okay? If a woman who you are romantically interested in says she just wants to be friends, she is not romantically interested in you. Move on. Fast. As far as women are concerned this is the nice way of saying "I don't want to kiss you, hug you, or sleep with you." What they're saying most of all is: "I don't want to hurt your feelings". Just move on, okay? Don't under any circumstance think that things are going to turn into a romantic relationship because they're not. And even on the 1% chance they might, you are going to likely waste a lot of time and energy trying to find out.
She Never Comes Back From the Bathroom
In my experience, most women have terrible senses of direction, but usually they can find their way back from the bathroom in a restaurant, so unless your date is blind or epileptic or prone to bouts of split personality disorder, don't excuse her when she disappears from dinner. And don't try to rationalize it either. You may call her to ask her where she went and she may say something like she got an emergency phone call and her mother got hit by a bus and she needed to go to the hospital. If so, demand the hospital records! Get proof!
She Yells Out Another Man's Name in Bed
And I'm not even talking about when and if you're having sex. I'm talking about when you're just sitting there watching tv or something and she suddenly says: "God, I want Jeremy so bad." Bad sign. And if you haven't even progressed to the stage where you're sitting in bed together doing anything and she subtlely lets you know that she has been screaming another man's name in bed, this is probably a signal that she's been having sex with whoever's name she is screaming and that she doesn't like you.
She's just trying to let you down easy without actually saying that she's sleeping with somebody. You might ask: "How was your evening?" She might say: "Oh, I just spent the evening in bed screaming out 'Oh, God, Jeremy. Harder. Harder." That's womanspeak for "I was having sex with Jeremy."
Hearing Your Name Gives Her the Dry Heaves
This is most likely to occur in a group situation where you're talking with people and somebody says your name and your woman turns away from you and attempts to vomit. Now, I know most guys are going to attribute this to something else - a hairball, a bad lunch, whatever, so you have to test it. Say your name out loud again. If she dry heaves, you're in trouble.
Say it a third time just to be sure. I'm sure there are some guys out there who are thinking that, well, she didn't actually throw up, so I might still have a chance. I suppose that's true because on any objective scale, dry heaving is less bad than throwing up. Still, I say walk away. Then again, if you can get her to throw up, good for you for confirming absolutely, unless she just throws up in her mouth a little, which is certainly less bad than puking on you. If she pukes on you, you're done.
When You Show Up to Her Office, Security Drags You Away
This always sucks. You show up to her office with flowers and next thing you know security is throwing you out the door on your butt. If this happens, you've probably been showing up wherever she is too many times and you might want to cut down. Give it a rest for a month and then show up again and see what happens. If you get tossed again, she doesn't like you. That being said, if your woman works for the FBI or some super-secret organization like Jennifer Garner on "Alias", you might be able to write this one off and not worry. You could get tossed by security and your super secret spy girlfriend might like you. If she's an accountant, not so much.
She Sleeps With Your Best Friend
This one's a bummer and usually conclusive that she doesn't like you. Aha! But what if my best friend is a girl, you say? Then your woman is probably a lesbian and doesn't like you the same way you like her. I know, I know, but couldn't she be bisexual? Yes, I suppose. If that's your concern, you should probably just ask.
But for argument's sake, let's say she sleeps with one of your best guy friends. She definitely likes him better than she likes you. I suppose if you're sure you're better-looking than this friend, you might want to compare junk in the locker room or something because you might be severely lacking in that department. Chances are though, she just doesn't like you.
She Tells You to "F*** Off and Die"
Unless your woman has Tourette Syndrome, you really have to assess your relationship at this point. That being said, even somebody with Tourette Syndrome doesn't just say stuff like this. In fact, it's a common misperception that everyone with Tourette Syndrome uses profanity. Usually they have tics and such and don't just drop the f-bomb all the time, so be aware of that.
Frankly, use of these terms is one step worse than just saying she doesn't like you. She actually would like to see you obliterated from existence. Is there still some sliver of hope for you, you ask? I mean, there's always a chance right? You don't have to give up, but think of all the effort it's going to take to get back in her good graces at this point. That effort might be better spent harassing somebody else.
hubberbubba on April 03, 2012:
You had me at get lost!
Mary from Washington on February 20, 2012:
Very funny. I have done almost all of these. I know when i am totally not into a guy when I have a hard time remembering his name. "I have a date with... uh.... " Yep, when I am hard pressed to remember his name then I know I am not into him.
Ralph Deeds from Birmingham, Michigan on November 06, 2011:
Wow! That explains it! ;-)
IJR112 on November 03, 2011:
Haha, these are pretty obvious signs. Pretty funny.
SanXuary on October 16, 2011:
Yep that miscommunication barrier is all over, love the comment Erin. I am actually falling out of my seat. I usually find playing Russian roulette makes most girls realize that I am not interested.
joshrandal on October 16, 2011:
Don't get me wrong all ofg the above are entertaining ,but not informative for the man who is truly outmatched by the wiles and subtle hints in which most inexperienced men fall prey to.
SanXuary on October 16, 2011:
I do not think that any of your examples were a great mystery, especially the last one. Is this article about guys who can not take hints? I find it more fascinating that when I take a hint that it makes some girls more interested in me. I could not tell you how many times I took the no interest card and they show up interested after I find someone else. What the heck is with that? Since I am very committed they usually lose their opportunity and I never look back.
naturalsolutions on September 19, 2011:
It really hurts when the girl you want doesn't like you. It will make you feel so ugly, sad bad true. The very first thing to do is to feel them, for you to have less expectation to them.
TheExpertise on September 16, 2011:
nice... i happen to be a pua myself so the more info the better... especially when it comes to girls
Erin Rooney from Arcata, California on September 09, 2011:
Thank you for this hub! Now, not only do men have sure-fire signs of determining whether or not a woman likes them, but women have new and fun ways of telling a guy it isn't going to happen. I'm so excited to try out the dry-heaving-at-the-sound-of-his-name one. Although I'm think of expanding that to just whenever the unwanted man gets within five feet. Then, we can establish a no-cross barrier. Thanks, crankalicious! I think it's safe to say that miscommunication between the sexes is over. :D