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How to Remove Girl Wedgies in Public

The mirror obliges. I’m dressed and primed ready to leave my apartment for a coveted job interview.

Reflected in the mirror is a smart looking woman in a black designer business suit. An understated white shirt, black stockings and polished back shoes contrast deliciously in the mirror.

I’m ready to shine. I want this job; it’s one I’ve dreamt about for the past decade!

The elevator in the thirty story office building is already packed with “suits” when I step into it. I lunge forward and it happens. My new underwear wedges firmly between my bottom cheeks. Darnit!

I’m distracted now. The girl wedgie is uncomfortable. Actually it’s darned uncomfortable. I try to ignore it but can’t.

I must fix it immediately

I wriggle my bottom from side to side. No luck. I try again, this time a little more vigorously. During this wriggle I accidentally rub my bottom against a “suit” who glares back at me and moves away a little. I blush and quickly stop wriggling.

My next trick is to grab the leg of my panties and tug but that makes the wedge even tighter!

There’s nothing for it. Desperate measures are required. I have to find a way to dislodge this wedgie so I quickly come up with another plan.

Privacy at the rear of the elevator

I go to the back of the elevator so I can use the (relative) privacy of this position to release my cheeks from the discomfort of the wedgie.

Thankfully, the elevator stops on each of the floors between 13 and 20 which buys me a little time. My temperature is rising; sweat beads appear on my upper lip. My preoccupation is complete. Somehow I secure the coveted spot at the back of the elevator where (I hope) none of the other travelers in the high rise will notice my maneuvers.

Please let no-one see me.

I surreptitiously put my hand under my jacket and down the inside back of my skirt and grab the inside fabric of my undies. It works! I’m so happy. I now feel ready to face the inevitable panel of receptionists guarding my interviewer.

My underwear firmly back in its rightful place, I confidently step out of the lift. This is my time to shine.

The bank of Receptionists were ready to receive me

I take two steps into the austere reception area with its bank of coiffured receptionists (what DO they do all day) and my underwear wedges its way back into my bottom crack!

“How can I help you?” says receptionist number three rather haughtily.

I paint on my best smile. “Good morning. I have an appointment with Mr Wedge,” I reply confidently.

Then I look at the smirk on her face. Her colleagues’ suddenly busy themselves shuffling paper to cover up their sniggers.

Too late, I realize my error, “ooh I mean Mr Wedgewood.”

Everyone knows clever interviewers ask how candidates behaved on arrival in reception. Don’t they?

Wedgie Video by TheSILENTLIBRARY

Comments

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on January 28, 2011:

Too true PRM. We are all human regardless of our positions and jobs and the same things happen to us all - generally speaking.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

PR Morgan from Sarasota Florida on January 27, 2011:

Very funny...stores like this help me realize that we are all human and have the same crazy things happen to us..even the "suits"!

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on January 22, 2011:

It's really nice that I was able to brighten your day lindacee. Thanks for your comment.

Linda Chechar from Arizona on January 01, 2011:

Your story brightened my day--I'm feeling a little worse for the wear after ringing in the new year! ;)

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on November 11, 2010:

Thank you so much for your lovely comments maggs. I'm so happy you laughed at my story - that's lovely for me to hear. Thanks for stopping by.

maggs224 from Sunny Spain on November 11, 2010:

I loved the pictures that your words drew in my mind. I will never be able to get into an elevator again without these images flashing before my eyes. You were able to make me laugh which I think is a great gift to have. Thanks for sharing your Wedgie adventures.

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on November 05, 2010:

I'm glad you appreciate the humor. This contest sure is hotting up. Thanks so much for your comments.

Elsie Nelson from Pacific Northwest, USA on October 31, 2010:

"Mr Wedgewood" ha ha! I love it. I'm with stephhicks about the panty hose, I call that "the trampoline", I've very tall so I walk around with a kids' toy dangling between my legs all day long. Hilarious hub!

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 29, 2010:

What a great idea SH - thanks. I'm glad you thought my girl wedgies story funny! Thanks for your comment.

BTW - I don't miss the dress-up job days either.

Stephanie Marshall from Bend, Oregon on October 29, 2010:

Hilarious! Now, you need to write about the second-worst thing that can happen to a woman in such a situation... the creep down pantyhose where the crotch ends up several inches too low and makes walking... um... awkward!

(I don't miss the dress-up days of a job at all!)

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 28, 2010:

Bribery! I'm shocked that you would even suggest such a thing lorlie. LOL. I'd prefer my prize in cash - oh, on second thoughts, if I won the Blizzard then I'd have to travel to the USA to claim the prize. Now that's an idea......

Laurel Rogers from Grizzly Flats, Ca on October 28, 2010:

You poor dear! My heart bleeds for you and your situation, I imagine you could use a frosty Blizzard to cool down. So travelespresso, bribery of the judges on this contest is recommended.

I like shiny things!

kailaschozhan from Chennai on October 26, 2010:

We should protect the girls when they are in problems.

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 25, 2010:

Too true CMH. Sometimes the wrong word just pops out!

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

CMHypno from Other Side of the Sun on October 25, 2010:

Oops! Thats the trouble with words, once they are out you cannot take them back and trying to wiggle out of what you have said generally only makes it worse!

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 24, 2010:

Thank you so much for saying I have a great "writing voice" - that is such a lovely compliment. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your comment.

donkeyz1 on October 24, 2010:

Awesome hub, you have a great 'writing voice'.. It made me feel as if I knew you in real life, not just hubpages. Bravo!

drbj and sherry from south Florida on October 23, 2010:

Enjoyed this, te, but what I really want to know is did you get the job offer?

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 21, 2010:

What's normal anyway Seakay? LOL. Thanks for your very flattering comment.

Seakay from Florida on October 21, 2010:

ROTFL!! What a hoot! Never thought you'd produce a hub like this. You seem so... well...normal!

Good Job!!

Sophie on October 19, 2010:

Brilliant, lol what can I say! lol

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 18, 2010:

Rawlus and dallas thanks for your very kind messages. Glad you enjoyed the hub.

Fiddleman - what can I say? Only twice!

MickyDee - I guess you found yourself in the same position as Fiddleman. I imagine this is a real problem for cyclists.

Dallas W Thompson from Bakersfield, CA on October 18, 2010:

Great sense of humor and story skills. Thanks for sharing.

Micky Dee on October 18, 2010:

I often volunteer to ladies with this problem!

Fiddleman on October 18, 2010:

So funny! I heard about a poor man who got his face slapped twice for helping the lady in the pew directly in front of him remove a wedgie. Once for pulling it out and the second when he tried to put it back.

ralwus on October 18, 2010:

brilliant and funny.

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 18, 2010:

That's a very flattering comment Karanda. Thank you.

Isn't it amazing just what happens when you step out of your comfort zone which is exactly what happened to me when I wrote this. I'm happy I stepped out of my wedgies and even happier that hubbers are enjoying the humor!

Karen Wilton from Australia on October 18, 2010:

Reading this hub has really brightened my day. Thanks for the laughs. You should step out of your comfort zone more often or should I say step out of your wedgies. Good one.

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 17, 2010:

Me proper? Now THAT is funny.

Thanks so much for your comment Seakay and I'm so glad you had a good laugh. Mind you I had to do a search to find out what ROTFL means. I'm so chuffed that you thought its that funny. Cheers.

Seakay from Florida on October 17, 2010:

ROTFL! What a hoot. You always seem so .... proper. Loved this write (could you tell?)

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 17, 2010:

Glad I made you laugh suziecat. It's the first time I've tried writing humor. Thanks for commenting.

suziecat7 from Asheville, NC on October 17, 2010:

Very funny - thanks for the laugh.

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 17, 2010:

Saying my hubs hilarious is the hugest compliment Stan!

Thanks for the very kind words and encouragement. It was those amazing titles which inspired me to give your competition a go and I'm so happy I tried humor.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I might try another one.

travelespresso (author) from Somewhere in this exciting world. on October 17, 2010:

I'm glad you liked the humor Gypsy 48. Thanks SO much for stopping by and commenting.

Stan Fletcher from Nashville, TN on October 17, 2010:

"I paint on my best smile. “Good morning. I have an appointment with Mr Wedge,” I reply confidently.

Then I look at the smirk on her face. Her colleagues’ suddenly busy themselves shuffling paper to cover up their sniggers.

Too late, I realize my error, “ooh I mean Mr Wedgewood.”

And you say you don't write humor? This was hilarious! Great job!

Please sure and link back to the Killer Hubs hub... Don't want people to think you're crazy or anything.

Gypsy48 on October 17, 2010:

Hilarious hub and so true!