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Men's Rules in the Restroom: How to Pee at a Urinal Correctly

No One Wants to Talk About the Secret Rules of this Sacred Room

Photo by hancu at

Photo by hancu at

The Socially Awkward Bathroom

I am convinced some of the greatest ideas from the great men of this world have been thought up in the men's room. I was in a fast food restroom and got the idea for this hub as I was urinating in a urinal. I looked down as I peed and I was surprised and disappointed at what I saw.

Two urinals were crammed in a two and a half foot space. No stall divider was present. I quickly realized these urinals were not built for a man with two penises. The architects/designers actually expect two males to pee standing hip to hip. If someone were to come and stand next to me at the urinal, I would actually have to turn to the side to let him fit in the space. My immediate thought was, "I gotta hurry up and get outta here." I am hoping that the architects were women, and they just didn't know any better.

People Who May Need Educated

  • Curious women
  • Women who want to become men
  • Curious men
  • Men who want to become men
  • Architects/designers who give a crap about people's comfort level
  • Business owners
  • Females who don't want to seem suspicious
  • Men who have never used a public bathroom

Do Not Urinate Here

Every other urinal should have this sign.

Every other urinal should have this sign.

Serious Business

Question: What's worse than a guy peeing in a stall next to you and hearing him walk out the door without washing his hands....?

Answer: A guy peeing next to you without a stall between you and him. Who cares if he washes his hands?

Here's a pop quiz for the guys. There are 5 urinals on the wall. You just walked in the bathroom and I am using the urinal all the way to the right. Which urinal do you use?

  1. If you answered "the one next to me," you get an F. (You are creepy and you just made me stop peeing midstream!)
  2. If you answered "the one furthest from me," you get a C (You at least created more space between us, and I can still finish peeing)
  3. If you answered "none, go pee in a stall on the opposite wall, after faking like you had to use toilet paper to blow your nose," you get an A (not only did you create space but you also have a barrier between you and the other guy, and you can both pee in a state of peace and tranquility)
  4. If you answered "I would leave and find another bathroom" You get an F (You are more paranoid than most guys and may end up peeing yourself)

Am I paranoid or Just Conditioned?

Some people may think that guys are paranoid, or that they are homophobic if they don't feel like taking a whiz right next to some other dude. Although I am neither paranoid nor homophobic, I do feel a bit of anxiety in cramped spaces exposed and voiding with another person right next to me.

I thought maybe it was just me until I did a little research online about male restroom etiquette. Believe it or not there is actually an International Center for Bathroom Etiquette.  The creators of the site are bathroomologists, and they've got doing your business down to a science.  Their byline is "Performing #1 and #2 in comfort and style since 1995."  I think that should change their slogan to: "Your business is our business, and our #1 and #2 priority."

I found out that my views are the same as many others, and I was probably subconsciously trained as I grew up and learned all of these "rules." I know this because there was a time when I dropped my drawers all the way to my ankles just to pee, but somewhere along the way us guys learn what we are really supposed to do. And you thought guys where mindless animals with no sense of etiquette.

Men's Bathroom Etiquette on YouTube

This almost creepy YouTube video below sums up some of the the main rules of the men's restroom. I thought it was interesting even though it gets a little over the top toward the end.

if your are inexperienced and wonder if any of the video is true to real life. I can attest it is 100% correct, even the part where the entire social structure of the world becomes chaos.

Male Restroom Etiquette Video