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Girl Scout Cookies: A Funny Poem

Marcy writes about family, home life, parenting, money-saving tips, and many other topics, as well as essays and occasional humor pieces.

Girl Scout Cookies are great, but oh, those calories!


Even if you don't have a daughter or sister who is scouting, or you didn't wear the uniform yourself, one thing we all know about is the annual Girl Scout Cookie Drive.

No matter where I've worked, it seems there's always at least one parent who 'helps' their kids sell Girl Scout Cookies each year. And of course, I've caved in, year after year, to do my share for the cause. Heck, I admit it, they're great cookies - and I've got the hips to prove it!

As good as those deadly little pellets taste, I wish they were sold at a different time of the year. Post-Christmas and Pre-Valentine's Day just isn't a fair window of time for those of us trying to lose the holiday pounds. We all have our favorites - Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Sandwiches, Shortbread, you name it. They're all-too-yummy and tempting, and they pile on the pounds.

Several years ago, everyone in my office decided to go on a diet after Christmas. Then Cookie Season hit us. A dear co-worker (the mother of twin girls) created little four-line rhymes to coax us into buying her cookie-crack. So I composed this poem in revenge.

It didn't work, though . . . I still bought the cookies.

Girl Scout flash mob in Union Station (I guess this is how they keep the weight off from those cookies!).


The Office Pusher: A poem About Girl Scout Cookies

I figured it out, I know just what she’s scheming,

We’ll all try to diet, but we’re only dreaming.

“It’s a pact, she agrees, “we’re in this together!”

It’s a lie! She’s a holdout; her heart’s made of leather.

In just a few weeks, when we’re all getting urges

For chocolates, candies and other fat splurges,

She’ll coax us to munch those sure-fire diet breakers:

“Girl Scout Cookie month’s here! Do I hear any takers?”

Last year she wrote rhymes as she tried to promote them;

A couplet or two, something cute so we’d quote them.

Then she’d throw in the clincher, a few guilt-trip bids,

“Please?” she’d say sweetly, “it’s all for the kids. . .”

I can just see it coming, Calorie City.

Smiling kids on the boxes; we have to take pity.

Temptations cave in; say no, and we’re crass!

And those names! So deceiving, like Thin Mints? My ass!

Our friend’s such a sneak, thinks she’s got it all figured.

She’ll stick to her diet, once our urge is triggered.

We’ll stuff our fat faces and never get thinner,

And when we all weigh-in, of course, she's the winner!

Just thought I’d warn you; I’ve got her out-plotted.

She thinks she’s so clever, but I have her spotted.

It’s not going to work, I know just how to fix her;

I’ve opened a franchise on weight-loss elixir!

© 2012 Marcy Goodfleisch

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