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Examples of Funny and Bizarre Epitaphs

Updated on November 8, 2016

Quoted here are some of the funniest and most bizarre epitaphs I have come across. I am sure they will make you smile too, and I would love to hear of any others you may know of.

Name and Date Unknown

Here lies a lewd Fellow, who, while he drew Breath,

In the Midst of his Life was in Quest of his Death;

Which he quickly obtain'd for it cost him his Life,

For being in Bed with another Man's Wife.

William Simmonds (1673-1753)

Here lies my corpse who was the man

That lov'd a sop in dripping pan

But now believe me I am dead

Now here the pan stands at my head

Still for sop to the last I cry'd

But could not eat and so I died

My neighbours they perhaps may laugh

When they do read my epitaph.

Nicholas Toke (18th Century)

He married five wives

Whom he survived.

At the age of 93 he walked to London

to seek a sixth but died before he found her.

Name and Dates Unknown

Since thy third curing of the French infection,

Priapus hath in thee found no erection,

yet eat'st thou ringoes and potato roots

And caviar, but it little boots.

Besides the bed's head a bottle's lately found

Of liquor that a quart cost twenty pound:

For shame, if not more grace, yet shew more wit

Surcease now sin leaves thee to follow it.

Some smile, I sigh, to see thy madness such

That that which stands not, stands thee in so much.

John Gill (dates unknown)

Beneath this smooth stone by the bone of his bone

Sleeps Master John Gill;

By lies when alive this attorney did thrive,

And now that he's dead he lies still.

Mr Pricke (dates unknown)

Upon the fifth day of November

Christ's College lost a privy member;

Cupid and death did both their arrows nick,

Cupid shot short, but death did hit the prick;

Women lament and maidens make great moans,

Because the prick is laid beneath the stones.

Emily White (20th Century)

Here lies the body of Emily White,

She signalled left, and then turned right.

W.C. Fields (1880-1946)

Here lies W.C. Fields.

On the whole I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Here lies Groucho Marx

and Lies and Lies and Lies

P.S. He never kissed an ugly girl.

Jonathan Grober (dates unknown)

Jonathan Grober

Died dead sober.

Lord thy wonders never cease.

Martha Dias (1730-1800)

Here lies the body of Martha Dias,

Who was always uneasy and not over pious,

She liv'd to the age of threescore and ten,

And gave that to the worms she refus'd to the men.

Mike O'Day (dates unknown)

This is the grave of Mike O'Day

Who died maintaining his right of way.

His right was clear, his will was strong.

But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong.

Delia (16th Century)

Here Delia's buried at fourscore;

When young, a lewd rapacious Whore,

Vain and expensive; but when old,

A pious, sordid, drunken Scold.

Name Unknown (18th Century)

Here lies my poor wife, much lamented,

She is happy and I am contented.

Lord Coningsby (18th Century)

Here lies Lord Coningsby - be civil,

The rest God knows - so does the Devil.

Sir John Strange (1696-1754)

Here lies an honest lawyer, -

That is Strange.

Wallace Ford (1897-1966) British Actor

At last I get top billing.

Dr Keene (18th Century)

Here lies Dr Keene, the good Bishop of Chester,

Who eat up a fat goose, but could not digest her.

Viscount Castlereagh (1769-1822)

Posterity will ne'er survey

A nobler grave than this:

Here lies the bones of Castlereagh:

Stop, traveller, and piss.

Frederick Louis, Prince of Wales (1707-51) Eldest Son of George II

Here lies Fred

Who was alive and is dead:

Had it been his father,

I had much rather;

Had it been his brother,

Still better than another;

Had it been his sister,

No-one would have missed her;

Had it been the whole generation,

So much better for the nation.

But since 'tis only Fred,

Who was alive and is dead,

There's no more to be said.

Dr Chard (19th Century)

Here lies the corpse of Doctor Chard,

Who fill'd half of this churchyard.

John Edwards (died 1904)

John Edwards who perished in a fire

None could hold a candle to him.

Unknown Vicar (18th Century)

He was literally a father to all the children of the parish.

Name Unknown (died 1701)

Here lie I and my three daughters,

All from drinking the Cheltenham waters.

While if we had kept to the Epsom salts,

We should not now be in these here vaults.

Name Unknown (19th Century)

Here lies my dear wife, a sad slattern and a shrew.

If I said I regretted her, I should lie too.

Elizabeth Charlotte (dates unknown)

Here lie the bones of Elizabeth Charlotte

Born a virgin, died a harlot.

She was aye a virgin at seventeen

A remarkable thing in Aberdeen.

John Macfarlane (dates unknown)

Erected to the memory of

John Macfarlane

Drowned in the Waters of Leith

By a few affectionate friends.

John Brown (18th Century) Dentist

Stranger! Approach this spot with gravity!

John Brown is filling his lasy cavity.

Jemima Jones (died 1803)

This is the last long resting place

Of Aunt Jemima Jones

Her soul ascended into space

Amidst our tears and groans

She was not pleasing to the eye

Nor had she any brain

And when she talked twas through her nose

Which gave her friends much pain

But still we feel that she was worth

The money that was spent

upon the coffin, hearse and stone

(The funeral plumes were lent).

And So

I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did, and will made allowances for some of the strange punctuation that was used in the older epitaphs.

If you have any of your own examples please share them in the comments section below.

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    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 5 months ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Diana, glad you enjoyed this.

    • Diana Majors profile image

      Diana Majors 5 months ago from Arkansas

      I enjoyed reading these! Thanks for the giggles!

    • profile image

      eric peterman 8 months ago

      saw this in a grave yard in central PA

      here lies the body of edward black lectric car ripped him up the back

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 12 months ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Good one Perspycacious

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 12 months ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      The simplest headstone and epitaph said simply "John BURNS"

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Two excellent ones there Trwisconner, thanks for posting them :)

    • profile image

      Trwisconner 4 years ago

      Remember me as you pass by.

      Where you are now so once was I.

      Where I am now so you will be,

      So think of death and pray for me.

      My favorite:

      Ezekiel Ailes

      Aged 102

      The good die young

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Don't get what alexj?

    • profile image

      alex] 5 years ago

      i dont get it

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL, now that would be a good one rutley :)

    • rutley profile image

      rutley 5 years ago from South Jersey

      Love this.....when my family says I fart to much, I tell them to put it on my headstone! She had to much gas!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Never mind Carl, if you think of one you can always come back and post it here :)

    • profile image

      carl 5 years ago

      creative writing? May He bless me pass this subject... Don't know how to write an Epitaph:-)

    • profile image

      Tee Hee 5 years ago

      Come blooming youths as you pass by,

      And on these lines do cast an eye.

      As you are now, so once was I;

      As I am now so must you be;

      Prepare for death and follow me.

      Underneath someone had added in graffiti:

      To follow you

      I am not content,

      How do I know

      which way you went?

    • profile image

      Fawn 6 years ago

      THE MORTAL

      REMAINS OF

      MARMADUKE PEARCE

      LIE BENEATH THIS STONE

      THE IMMORTAL PART

      LIVES WHERE THE

      WEARY ARE AT REST

      HE WAS BORN IN

      WILLISTOWN

      CHESTER CO. PA

      AUG. 18TH 1776

      DIED IN BERWICK

      SEPT. 11TH 1852

      READER PREPARE TO MEET THY GOD

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Ted, glad you enjoyed these :)

    • profile image

      Ted Malahito 6 years ago

      Really funny. Thanks for sharing.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Nice one Tony, loved it :)

    • profile image

      tony 6 years ago

      "Damn i'm good" headstone in Port Angeles Wa.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks LeslieAdrienne, I appreciate your commenting :)

    • LeslieAdrienne profile image

      Leslie A. Shields 6 years ago from Georgia

      These are funny... Thanks for sharing

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      I am afraid these are all I have Bridgette. I wish I could help more. Reading the comments here may offer some ideas as a few people have posted some excellent suggestions.

      Good Luck

    • profile image

      Bridgette 6 years ago

      I'm making a homemade graveyard for Halloween and I am thinking of putting some REALLY funny Epitaphs on the graves.... Could you put some extremely funny ones on her?

    • profile image

      fat guy 101 6 years ago

      these are cool:)

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL, that is hilarious Brett! Thanks for posting it :)

    • profile image

      Brett Riverboat 6 years ago

      Here I lie, and its no wonder i'm dead: For the wheel of the van went right over my head. :p

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL ruffridyer, very good :)

    • profile image

      ruffridyer 6 years ago from Dayton, ohio

      Famous last words from a union officer, "Those rebels couldn't hit an elephant from that dis,..."

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks jayb23, I am so very pleased you enjoyed this hub :)

    • jayb23 profile image

      jayb23 6 years ago from India

      LOL misty loved all of them but the first one was indeed the best one. thanks for the laugh cheers.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Hi sueroy333, Thanks so much for commenting, and I am really delighted this made both you and your Husband have a good laugh. One of my favourites is the "I told you I was sick" one too. :)

    • sueroy333 profile image

      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      This was awesome. My husband I just read these, laughing our butts off. Our favorite was the picture, "I told you I was sick". There's nothing like being short and to the point!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks NMC, I would like to leave people laughing after I'm gone too :)

    • NMC profile image

      NMC 6 years ago

      I love these it gives me great ideas for when i pass on haha.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Good One Al Wolf417, thanks for sharing :)

    • profile image

      Al Wolf417 6 years ago

      These are funny! Here's mine

      Al Wolf -

      "Didn't live long enough to make a good Epitaph"

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      That is actually really quite nice as well as funny 'wood', thanks for posting it here.

    • profile image

      wood 6 years ago

      leave me alone I'm sleeping

      is my favorite

    • profile image

      Wolf 6 years ago

      Here lies John Bunn

      He was killed by a gun

      His name was not Bunn but Wood

      But Wood would not ryhme with gun

      But Bunn would

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Bobby88, I love that one, highly funny :)

      Hi Deadgirlcomealive, very cute and to the point. Thanks :D

    • profile image

      Deadgirlcomealive 7 years ago

      Great hub!! Really enjoyed reading those, I'd like to add this to your collection, I want it on my gravestone-

      Be right back.

    • profile image

      bobby88 7 years ago

      As you are now, I once was. As I am now, you shall be. So prepare for death and follow me.

      To which someone replied underneath,

      " To follow you I am not content, for how do I know which way you went?"

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL, still a good example qwinkly, thanks for sharing it :)

    • profile image

      qwinkly 7 years ago

      Nor a poem in any way, but there's a gravestone in Royal Oak, Michigan with the name GOING on it. Ya think? Too late !

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Excellent Alan, another great addition to the collection :) Thanks

    • profile image

      Alan Davis 7 years ago

      Here lies James Dunn he raced for the crossing but the train won

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Rebecca E. So pleased you enjoyed these.

    • Rebecca E. profile image

      Rebecca E. 7 years ago from Canada

      oh this is awesome, well done, I love these, they give such a good laugh, (begging the dead's pardon on that!) but well done!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Brandy, glad you enjoyed it.

    • brandyBachmann profile image

      brandyBachmann 7 years ago

      this hub is wicked funny! thumbs up! \m/

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Colleen :)

    • profile image

      colleen 7 years ago

      Awesome! LOL! I love it

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL, I love that one Bstone, thanks :)

    • profile image

      Bstone 7 years ago

      "Here lies my husband, what else is new"

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL, I like that one Blue1234, very good :)

    • profile image

      Blue1234 7 years ago from Wales, United Kingdom

      Haha these make me laugh! My friend wants a good one on her grave:

      "Man that was painful!"

      :D lol xxx.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL, good one drbj, (groan), well said :)

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 7 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks, Misty, your funny epitaphs made me laugh. Here is one I thought of after reading your Hub: Here lies the writer who finally found an original plot.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL, good one Nell, thanks for including it in your comment :)

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 7 years ago from England

      ha ha really funny. The one I remember seeing was something like. here lies the body of karate expert john smith who died while saluting his commanding officer. Sorry! could'nt resist.. cheers nell

    • profile image

      margulise 7 years ago

      The children of Israel wanted bread

      And the Lord sent them manna,

      Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

      And the Devil sent him Anna.

      In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery

    • profile image

      Robert Ballard 7 years ago

      Great hub, loved them all

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Great idea Rachael, thanks for telling us about it.

    • profile image

      Rachel 8 years ago

      Were doing these for work... here is mine

      Rachel is no longer with us. She has taken a higher position.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL, Thanks Storytellersrus :)

    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 8 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      Cremation- such a travesty for a poet.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Cheers Epsilon, and I am happy they made you smile too :)

    • Epsilon5 profile image

      Epsilon5 8 years ago from Eastern Pennsylvania

      Thank you much for sharing these! Certainly full of win, they are...

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Chris, so pleased you enjoyed these :)

    • profile image

      ChrisAmsterdam 8 years ago

      Interesting..Some people have a REALLY good sense of humor! Thanks for sharing!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Cheers Jess, glad you enjoyed this, loved the last comment too :)

    • Jess Killmenow profile image

      Jess Killmenow 8 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

      What a collection! Thanks so much, I needed a chuckle.

      There was a ghost in a story who had an epitaph: "Gone to his just reward." But visitors to his grave snickered at it, so after a few decades work he rubbed it off. :)

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL I love this one mcblaes, thanks for sharing it with us :)

    • profile image

      mcblaes 8 years ago

      This was written in a book written by the daughter of a 19th century U. S. Marshal who dictated his memories to her. In a chapter entitled "Humor in the Old West" one of the graves read - Here lies Bill Jones shot by Jack Reilly June !st 1884 He lived the life of Reilly While Reilly was out of town.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Rebecca, I enjoyed them when I first read them too :)

    • Rebecca E. profile image

      Rebecca E. 8 years ago from Canada

      Some of the best "after" life comments, thanks.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Tdarby, let me know if you come up with a goo one :)

    • tdarby profile image

      tdarby 8 years ago

      Those are fantastic. I started thinking of my own. Hope I come up with a great one--it seems to me a wonderful way to live on in this world even beyond the grave

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Hi Again LogicalSpark, to the best of my knowledge no they are not, but I wouldn't be certain!

    • LogicalSpark profile image

      LogicalSpark 8 years ago from India

      I wish I were as creative ....nor do I expect those who dispose me off (!) to be as creative.

      Are any of these copyrighted?

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks LogicalSpark, or you could make up one of your own!!! :)

    • LogicalSpark profile image

      LogicalSpark 8 years ago from India

      Good stuff!

      Trying to see which of these can I reserve for myself !

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks elisabethkcmo, I too would rather relatives smiled at my graveside than wept.

    • elisabethkcmo profile image

      elisabethkcmo 8 years ago from Just East of Oz

      these are wonderful, epitaphs and gravestones are there for the friends and family, might as well make them smile

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL, thanks Chloe, good point, perhaps it is a better idea to plan your own ahead of time so to speak.... just in case. :)

    • Chloe Comfort profile image

      Chloe Comfort 8 years ago from Long Island

      Very funny! Now I'll have to write my own just in case :-) Ya never know what people will have written on your headstone when your gone - better safe than sorry. I have laughed today!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Keith, glad you enjoyed them.

    • Keith S profile image

      Keith S 8 years ago

      very cool, thank you for sharing them

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks General, pleased they gave you a good laugh too :)

    • GeneralHowitzer profile image

      Gener Geminiano 8 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

      Nyahaha hehehe this is really funny...

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Hi Johnny, not at all. If you have new ones please go for it and publish them. :)

      Thanks Proud Mom, glad you enjoyed this :)

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      Proud Mom 8 years ago from USA

      I can't believe it took me so long to find this hub! Hilarious! Thank you so much for a great laugh!

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      johnny yuma1 8 years ago

      I ran across several that I didn't see in your hub. Would it offend you if I put up one of my own like it?

      Johnny Yuma

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Sheena, great to have you as part of my fan club :)

    • sheenarobins profile image

      sheenarobins 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Sure is another way at looking at dying. hahaha. Made me smile. I'm an instant fan.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks David, laughter and positive memories are so important I reckon. Thanks also for becoming a fan of mine :)

    • david verge profile image

      david verge 8 years ago from New York

      at last,

      someone who has gone the extra mile to find humor in death.  there should be more smiles while visiting the graveyard. you've made me a fan.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Gosh, yes, that does take a bit of thinking to see the flaw doesn't it! Thanks for posting it Johnny :)

    • profile image

      johnny yuma1 8 years ago

      Here is another that I found a few minutes ago. The caption said you have to think about some for them to be funny--I believe it. LOL

      "Here lies the body of John Round lost at sea and never found."

      Johnny

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
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      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL Johnny, I like that idea, I would far rather people laughed with me after my death than cried and were sad, that's the best memory to leave behind :)