Quotations can inform and stimulate. They can be wise, witty, or foolish. The author has collected some of the best in his articles.
The public perception of policemen and women may be that they do an extremely serious job.
The public perception of insurance company representatives may be that they do a rather dreary job.
Yet it seems both these professions have their moments of mirth; and not least when dealing with the claims and excuses of those members of the public who have been involved in an unfortunate car accident.
On this page fifty of the silliest, most incomprehensible and unintentionally funny explanations for these car accidents are reproduced. What exactly is going on in the brains of the speakers is unclear. Some may be the spur of the moment, mangled attempt of a guilty individual trying to deflect blame from himself or herself. Others I'm sure are entirely sincere statements by people who, when confronted by authority figures like policemen, or with official claims procedures, become nervous and befuddled.
Whatever the reason may be for these blunders of verbal or written evidence, they are undeniably funny!
N.B: Please note, all my articles are best read on desktops and laptops
Just Why Did I Have That Accident? 20 Genuine Insurance Claim Explanations
- Leaving home for work I drove out of my drive and straight into a bus; the bus was five minutes early.
- I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
- I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
- One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the accelerator pedal, leapt across the lane to the other side and jammed in the trunk of a tree.
- I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
- The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
- I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to hospital where I sustained serious injuries.
- Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and struck a tree I haven't got.
- The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
- The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
- I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
- I don't know who was to blame for the accident; I wasn't looking.
- There was no damage to the car as the gate post will testify.
- I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
- I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind.
- I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact..
- I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
- A truck backed through my windshield onto my wife's face.
- I told the other Idiot what he was and went on.
Hazardous Pedestrians Keep On Crashing Into My Car!
Driving on the roads would be a lot safer for all of us, if people walking around didn't insist on causing accidents by getting in the way:
- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
- The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
- The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
- Three women were talking to each other, and when one stepped back and one stepped forward, I had to have an accident.
And If It's Not The Pedestrians, Then It's All Those Stationary Objects That Are The Problem!
- I collided with a stationary tree.
- A lamppost bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.
- I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
- The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.
- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
Who Would Be A Traffic Policeman?
We perhaps don't always have the greatest sympathy for traffic patrol officers, but maybe we should - they obviously have some very tricky situations to deal with:
- I'm sorry officer for speeding, but without my glasses I can't hardly see the speedometer.
- Sorry, Officer, I know I was speeding, but I was trying to get to the gas station in a hurry before I ran out of gas.
- I know I was going fast, I was trying to get the snow off my windshield so I could see where I'm going.
- Sorry officer for throwing the beer cans out the window but I didn't want my wife to see how many that I have drunk.
- My wife ran off with a state policeman and when I saw your flashing lights I didn't stop because for a second, I thought you might be the trooper who is trying to bring her back to me.
The Trouble With Cows (And All Other Animals)
Cows seem to be a particular menace when confronted by car drivers. Half the animal-related claims and excuses seem to mention cows. But it's unfair to blame just our bovine friends. It seems flies, camels and elephants also have it in for us:
- A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
- I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
- A Bull was standing near-by and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.
- In attempting to kill a fly I drove into a telegraph pole.
- I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.
Poor Folks. It Really Wasn't Their Fault - Honest It Was Someone Else's. Or Something Else's
- The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
- My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
- I left my car unattended for a minute and, whether by accident or design, it ran away.
- An Invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
- As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.
- The accident was due to the road bending
- I bumped into a lamp-post that was obscured by human beings.
- I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it was the other one.
And Finally - Here's An Extra One From 1954 ...
And just to prove that things don't change, here's an incredibly detailed insurance claim from as long ago as 1954:
'This car was hired (when) my own was being repaired. Unfortunately the front seat was fixed and owing to the abnormal size of my tummy I was unable to sit without the steering column being firmly wedged into the latter. In fact I had to pull my stomach in whenever I made a turn of any consequence. Coming up a steep hill, on rounding a corner I met a nasty little boy trying to break his neck speeding downhill on a bicycle. I was forced to pull into the side suddenly, and as my tummy muscles failed to react the steering column did likewise and I struck a heap of roadside clearings'
Please feel free to quote limited text from this article on condition that an active link back to this page is included
© 2014 Greensleeves Hubs
I'd Love To Hear Your Comments. Thanks, Alun
Prithviraj Shirole from India on July 18, 2020:
That was so funny. I enjoyed a ton reading them. Thanks a lot.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on June 07, 2020:
Tim Truzy; Thanks Tim. I can understand that - deer move fast, which can mean that they get safely across the road very quickly, but it also means that they can take drivers by complete surprise, darting in front of them out of the undergrowth.
Aishatu Ali; Cheers Aishatu.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on June 07, 2020:
Gloria Gourley; Thanks Gloria. That's a great one! If I'd known that before I wrote the article I would have included it among the 50. The elderly driver must momentarily have thought "wow, police response times in Kansas City are really really good!" :)
John poole; Thanks John - glad to hear that!
Apologies for the late reply.
Tim Truzy from U.S.A. on April 18, 2020:
A common culprit of accidents in my part of the world is the always present deer. These are really funny. Thanks.
Anya Ali from Rabwah, Pakistan on February 06, 2020:
Hahahahaha! Thank you for this article!
Gloria Gourley on October 15, 2019:
A friend of mine was a police officer in Kansas City, MO. While on patrol one evening, he was stopped at a stop light when an elderly lady rear ended him. He got out of his car and walked back to the driver's side window. With great surprise the elderly driver asked, "How did you get here so fast?"
John poole on August 24, 2019:
Cheered me up no end
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on August 09, 2018:
Charlie J.: Thanks Charlie for that. It is breathtaking how people sometimes think - or how they try to defend themselves when in the wrong! She should have got two tickets - one for the offence and one for just being stupid! :) Alun
Charlie J. on June 18, 2018:
Here's one for you:
A lady and her husband were driving legally and a a woman ran a stop sign and hit them. When the Patrol Officer asked her how the accident happened, she responded that she lived in that area of town and didn't need to stop for the posted sign. She did get a ticket!
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on March 07, 2018:
Doris James-MizBejabbers; Thanks! With a hub of this kind, feedback saying that it provided a lot of laughs is the best possible feedback!!
Paula is of course right, but the illogical thinking of some drivers such as your 'hot shot' is unfortunately all too typical. It seems what matters is that if you have the right to turn right, then you must turn right and not hold him up for a few seconds - the presence of oncoming traffic is a minor detail! :)
Suzie from Carson City on March 06, 2018:
MzB LOL!! Well, Mr. Hot shot, hot rod is correct. If you had pulled out, HE wouldn't have hit you, the oncoming traffic would have!! What a brilliant guy! LOL
Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on March 05, 2018:
Just stumbled onto this hub, and so glad I did because it gave me a week's worth of laughs. Here's another one for you. We were rear ended at a traffic light a couple of months ago. The light was still red and a right on red is legal in our state if the traffic is clear. In our case it wasn't. The young hot shot who hit us said, "If they'd pulled on out I wouldn't have hit them in the rear."
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on March 28, 2017:
Carol Cotton; Thank you Carol! Love the comment :)
Carol Cotton on March 25, 2017:
It's 4:48 a.m. Couldn't sleep so decided to check my email. My cousin in L.A. sent me the insurance claim "excuses" and I was doubled over with fits of laughter. It was then that a very sneaky car came up to me mid-laugh and stopped me cold.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on February 17, 2017:
Lori Colbo; Thanks Lori! Glad it gave a few laughs. I can just imagine the expressions on the faces of some of the officials who received these 'explanations' :)
Lori Colbo from United States on February 16, 2017:
This was hilarious. Several LOL's for me.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on July 21, 2016:
Dan; Thanks Dan. Some of them have certainly been around a long time, and I guess now we have the Internet to record them for everyone to read, they will remain for as long as we have motor cars (or insurance claims) :)
Dan on July 18, 2016:
Fyi My mother (who passed away before we got internet 1996) had many of these on paper. They were being passed around. She had these and excuses for why students had missed school, were late, and other notes to teachers. She had been a teacher for 10yrs.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on April 06, 2016:
Jennifer Mugrage; Welcome back Jennifer - visit as often as you like:) I can say modestly (because of course they're other peoples' quotes not mine), that I can read these many times over and still laugh! Alun
Jennifer Mugrage from Columbus, Ohio on April 05, 2016:
"The traffic was more stationary than I thought" -- boy, I've been there. Almost.
"whether by accident or design" ... we'll never know.
Just realized I have visited this page before. You must have made some changes, as it came up as new. It was fun to read it over again.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on April 05, 2016:
CatherineGiordano; Cheers Catherine :)
Catherine Giordano from Orlando Florida on April 04, 2016:
Very funny. Thanks for starting my day with a laugh.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on July 07, 2015:
Jennifer Mugrage; I am sure what you say about adrenalin is true. People after an accident may be confused and agitated, talking to an authoritative figure, and maybe at the same time trying to deflect blame or at least rationalise their own actions. It's the reason why - despite the absurdity of some of these excuses - it is easy to believe absolutely in their authenticity. Cheers for your thoughtful comment Jennifer.
Jennifer Mugrage from Columbus, Ohio on July 06, 2015:
Thanks for the fun compilation.
I think there might a reason why some of them are so incoherent. If the person has recently had the accident and is at the police station giving a statement, they probably still have adrenaline coursing through their body. This affects our physical perceptions as well our ability to express ourselves clearly.
I once read a book about safety that advised victims of crimes such as muggings not to give a detailed statement immediately after the crime. Because of adrenaline, your perceptions will be skewed: your attacker might look bigger than he was, the knife or gun might look bigger, distances seem farther, etc. If you give a statement while still in this state, later a defense attorney can use it to make you look like a liar. "Why did you change your story?"
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on June 09, 2015:
FatBoyThin; Cheers. There's something about these quotes which still makes me smile, even after compiling the list and reading them many times over!
Glenn Stok; Thanks Glenn. Nice story. I must admit - as long as nobody actually gets physically hurt - one can feel a sense of satisfaction when someone who drives recklessly, pays the price for their stupidity :)
Colin Garrow from Inverbervie, Scotland on June 09, 2015:
I've heard some of these before but they're still hilarious. Great Hub.
Glenn Stok from Long Island, NY on April 21, 2015:
Some of these reasons for having accidents are really so silly. It goes to show that many drivers really have no clue how to drive. You did a great job at collecting these explanations.
I remember once when I was going slow in order to avoid losing control on an icy road. The driver behind me got so angry that I was going slow that he quickly raced his car into the left lane to pass me, lost control on the ice, and ran into a bus. Luckily he didn't involve me in his accident.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on January 04, 2015:
Jo_Goldsmith11; I like your comment! A word of advice - next time you're reading a hub whilst simultaneously driving a car, pick a more serious one that doesn't cause you to laugh - that's what good drivers would do! :-)
Seriously though (well, sort of seriously) thanks for your visit Jo, and thanks for sharing, tweeting, voting etc etc. Much appreciated, Alun
Jo_Goldsmith11 on January 04, 2015:
This was such a delight to read! I was laughing so hard, I couldn't see where I should park the car! :-) This is awesome and I really enjoyed reading every one! It is too funny! Shared, tweet and Up for *funny, interesting, awesome & useful* :-) Take care
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on January 03, 2015:
stevemorgan1005; I guess a combination of the trauma of being involved in a car crash, coupled with the trauma of speaking to an authority figure like a policeman, and maybe the need in their minds to absolve themselves from all responsibility for the accident, all contribute towards people saying some daft things. Daft, but very funny :) Thanks Steve.
Steve Morgan from Chattanooga, TN on January 03, 2015:
I love this. I am amazed at the things that people say. I can only hope that most of these folks were flustered when they made these reports.
Very nice read.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on December 26, 2014:
Ann1Az2; Thanks Ann. Appreciated :)
Ann1Az2 from Orange, Texas on December 09, 2014:
It's amazing some of the excuses people come up with! Thanks for the laugh.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on October 09, 2014:
allpurposeguru; Lamp posts and telephone poles really should be licensed, and kept under strict control David! Best wishes :)
David Guion from North Carolina on October 09, 2014:
Thanks for the reminder how important it is to watch out for wandering lamp posts and telephone poles who like to attack innocent cars! Very funny.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on October 02, 2014:
SusanDeppner; Thanks Susan. I'm sure you have indeed heard a few bizarre excuses and explanations in the past. And there's probably many other odd stories from culprits, victims or witnesses, which they can not reveal for professional reasons! Best wishes Susan, and hope you're enjoying life here on HubPages after the move from Squidoo.
Memuna Umber; Thank you very much for visiting, and my apologies for not replying sooner to your nice comment. My best wishes. Alun :)
Susan Deppner from Arkansas USA on October 02, 2014:
So funny! Being the mom of two sons in law enforcement I've heard plenty of far-fetched explanations, but I never tire of reading more.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on August 09, 2014:
Eric Calderwood; Thanks - I love the pedestrian quotes too - I just hope and assume by the fact that these were made public by reputable companies or officials that no serious injuries were sustained by the pedestrians. I know how easy it is to get distracted. Rubber necking to look at accidents on the other side of the road is a common source of further accidents occurring. And a work colleague once told me of an crash he'd had when the other guy was distracted by a pretty girl walking along the street. Very understandable :-)
The Examiner-1; Perhaps difficult to believe, but apparently all genuine according to the sites (some of them insurance company web sites) they came from. Thanks Kevin! The votes and shares are much appreciated. Alun
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on August 09, 2014:
ahorseback; Thanks very much. Truly appreciated. I have actually already written another page of 100 quotes devoted to politicians - some of them serious or even intelligent, but most of them funny or just plain dumb. If you happen upon it, I hope you enjoy! Alun
DzyMsLizzy; Thanks very much for your contribution of an insurance claim! Today, I'm sure insurance companies get a great many very revealing - and probably not always very attractive - 'selfies' from peoples' smart phones to 'prove' their insurance claims are genuine!
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on August 09, 2014:
PurvisBobbi44; Thanks Bobbi. Hmm. I thought Leprechauns were extremely small. Makes you wonder how his feet reached the pedals? :-) At least you got to talk to the claimant over the phone - can you imagine keeping a straight face if you were talking to her in person? Alun
fpherj48; Thanks very much for that. Glad you liked it. I'm sure that stress and panic are indeed the primary factors involved in brain dysfunctions of this kind. Cheers loads for the votes and shares Paula.
Eric Calderwood from USA on August 08, 2014:
I think I like the pedestrian ones the best, but they are all very funny. I once ran into a car in front of me because I was looking at a cop car on the side of the road. Strange things can happen sometimes.
The Examiner-1 on August 07, 2014:
I thought that they were funny - and silly. I could not believe most of them. The one that had me laughing the hardest was #4 (lol) in "JUST WHY DID I HAVE THAT ACCIDENT?" (the first group). You really found some good ones Alun. Another one that I really liked was #14 from the same group by the British person. I voted up++, shared and pinned it.
ahorseback on August 07, 2014:
O My Gosh , you nailed it ! The stupidest excuses ever invented , I must have been in a mood for this one ! Yet , as a sixty year old man , I thought I have heard it all ! ........keep up the great work! .......Next one? Stupid politicians ?.......Ed
Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on August 07, 2014:
Hahahaha...some good ones, here! Insurance claims can, indeed present some very humorous situations, and not only auto-related.
My late mother worked in the claims department of a large insurance company back in the 1970s, and one claim came across her desk that got shared all around the office, and had everyone in stitches.
It seems the claimant had burned her rear end on a heating pad, and sent in photos to prove it!!!
Voted up and funny.
Barbara Purvis Hunter from Florida on August 07, 2014:
I worked for a large insurance company after college and I can tell you their claims were very funny.
A lady claimed a Leprechaun stole her automobile after she gave him a ride from Florida to New York. I laughed so hard after I finished speaking with her. I had to write all this down as she told me over the phone and still retain a professional manner.
Suzie from Carson City on August 07, 2014:
Funny....funny...funny! I thoroughly enjoyed this hilarious hub!! I have no problem believing that under stress or panic, people will say the damnedest things......with no awareness of what they just said....
#8 is an absolute winner......"a tree I haven't got...." ROFLMAO!
Voted Up and FUNNY for sure!! Pinned, tweeted, googled.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on June 04, 2014:
Thanks Kawi! Glad you enjoyed. Alun
Kawika Chann from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place on June 04, 2014:
Funny stuff! Peace. Kawi.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on April 10, 2014:
Cheers DDE for your comment and apologies for not thanking you for it earlier. Alun
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 21, 2014:
50 Funny and Bizarre Excuses Given to Police and Insurance Companies Following Car Accidents is so funny and so true.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on February 19, 2014:
Thank you Writer Fox; The excuses and explanations come from various websites including 'quote sites', but also the websites of some insurance companies feature a few of these as a light diversion from their more serious messages. And some have also been reproduced in books as well. Glad you liked them.
Your visits and comments are much appreciated Writer Fox. Cheers, Alun
Writer Fox from the wadi near the little river on February 19, 2014:
What a great collection! I don't know how you found all of these but they are seriously funny. Voted up!
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on February 10, 2014:
Thanks MsDora - just the reaction I was hoping for! I've read all of these several times now, and I still find myself laughing at them. Jokes are funny, but unintended humour such as these statements is even funnier. Cheers, Alun.
dahoglund; thanks for that. You're right - confusion in the aftermath of an accident causes mangled thoughts and utterances!
Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on February 10, 2014:
I laughed out loud for the entire reading of this article. I have to vote funny. Thank you for this compilation of funny excuses. This will be one of my humor spots when I need a laugh.
Don A. Hoglund from Wisconsin Rapids on February 09, 2014:
some of the things one might really say in the confusion of an accident.
Greensleeves Hubs (author) from Essex, UK on February 09, 2014:
Ghaelach; Thank you James! Glad this collection of quotes made you laugh. What were these people thinking after they had their accidents?? Alun
Ghaelach on February 09, 2014:
Love it, love it, love it.
Typical good old british humour. Well at least I've had a good Sunday laugh.
Up and sharing.