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Five Reasons Why Men Should Not Wear Panties

Large or Tiny, No Man Should Wear Lingerie

five-reasons-why-men-should-not-wear-panties

It has been brought to my attention that some men have been lead astray by the liberal atheist homosexual agenda and wear women's lingerie. This is a danger to society at large and must be stopped forthwith. Fortunately I have come upon this den of iniquity and am in a position to educate not just men who wear women's lingerie, but the world at large on the perils of undergarment cross dressing.

This is a public service announcement intended to educate all men who wear women's lingerie or who have thought of wearing women's lingerie.

WHY MEN MUST NOT WEAR THE LINGERIE OF THE FAIRER SEX

  • Women's panties are often made of silky smooth soft materials. Exposure of the male manhood to such materials may cause shrinkage.


  • Women's lingerie is intended purely for women, and may induce menstruation in men who wear it.


  • Donning a pair of panties can actually affect the male on a genetic level. Over time his Y chromosome may elongate, turning him into a woman on a genetic level.


  • Perhaps unsurprisingly given the evidence in the previous statement, men who wear panties often become raving homosexuals. No matter what a man's orientation prior to sampling the sweet delights of panties, a few minutes exposure can lead to fantasies about football teams, group showers and incarceration in penal institutions.


That's bad, right? But wait, there's more!

  • Panties are not cut for a male figure. Wearing panties may lead to undue testicular stress which can lead to a whole host of diseases, not the least of which include Ebola.


  • Wearing panties may cause a man to renounce his position in society. He may no longer open doors, put out fires, put up shelves or lift heavy things.


In spite of these dire warnings I have no doubt that many men will continue to wear lingerie, putting themselves at risk and jeopardizing the very fabric of society. They must be stopped. Because of the covert nature of many of the offenders, and the panties themselves, traditional means of repression (dirty looks, snide comments, refusing to sit next to the person in question on the bus) will not work. Fear not however, for I have formulated a solution:

Panty Patrols.

All men should be subject to panty search at all times. This is the only way to stop this insidious practice of men wearing women's lingerie. Some men who do not wear women's lingerie may find this overly invasive and a breach of their so called “rights”, but true patriots will accept these measures as a means to keep society safe.

Comments

Jes on July 16, 2020:

I'm being honest here. This is the most stupid internet post I've ever found.

Frodo on July 14, 2020:

this is some good satire

Rob on January 21, 2020:

I have No idea where you got you information. I personally have been wearing panties for 48 years of my life yes since I was 7 years old. No one is going to tell me I cannot wear panties.

ron on June 05, 2017:

I really don't care what the side affects are for wearing womens panties I still love the feel and the way they fit better than mens

undies

and I love wearing a nice tight girdle also , so AWESOME !!!!

amber girl on December 26, 2015:

I'm 61 yes old wore pantys and other female cloths since child hood I am straight and very much love my femine side love the feel of the cloths being all made up and being a girl especially when with other lady's I said lady's not men like who iam also enjoy being a man

AM88 on December 09, 2009:

I love satin panty and wear the whole time...

wsp2469 from Alta Loma, Ca on November 13, 2009:

Ah! A sense of humor? Good for you!

Hope Alexander (author) on November 02, 2009:

Oh no! Those are the classic signs of male menstruation! You fool, why did you insist on wearing panties for so long?

Kanterflumsh on November 02, 2009:

Oh god. Listen I've tried on once or twice panties, don't know what I was thinking!

The thing is I've noticed some blood in my urine recently. I hadn't told anyone about it, but I think it's related and I am now starting to menstruate. Is there anyway to revert this? I swear I've thrown away my panties, I had no idea it would cause such harm! D:

Hope Alexander (author) on October 04, 2009:

You know, I once read a study which uncovered the idea that some people actually cannot detect sarcasm.

Mike on October 04, 2009:

Wow.. guess I missed this one when it came out.

Folks like Brandon, there, are the reason my wit gets me into trouble. If a nuke-u-lar engineering prodigy can't recognize sarcasm and has no sense of humor, who else doesn't? It really sucks that we have raised generations of people whose greatest literary achievement has been watching "Sesame Street."

Deep1mpact on August 16, 2009:

Hope you are my hero. I never get tired reading what you write. You Rock!

I must go,the panty patrol is surronding the house.

There even ramming down the front door... Im in big trouble.

phil on June 27, 2009:

love the panty patrol idea. But to ensure panties are being worn.

Gerald on June 04, 2009:

You know, this may be a joke, but you would be surprized how many people out there think this way. No one would say a word if they saw my girl friend in a pair of boxers, but boy if they saw me in panties I would be the talk of the town. And I also get so tired of people trying to put their way of thinking as the only correct way. They realize we have a mind of our own. Thank you

Hope Alexander (author) on April 24, 2009:

Hi Brandon, I am glad you enjoy the articles, the idea of this one was to parody some reasons people give for men not to wear lingerie and demonstrate just how very silly they really are.

Brandon on April 24, 2009:

Thanks Hope... I really like your site now knowing that it really was meant as satire....Of course the "overall ironic tone" of this article and the list of other articles, some of which I have read, did "tip me off ", but you never know if someone is serious or not even if it looks and sounds like a joke...No matter who you are and how you live, there will always be somebody else out there that will view you as a freak or a weirdo, or think you should just be exterminated because they don't think your lifestyle is the "correct one like theirs". I'm sure there are many folks out there who would write the exact same article [as this one] and mean it seriously and not a joke, which still makes me laugh. We humans sure are good at judging and condemning others who aren't the same as us. It will never cease to amaze me, the retarded things we people say and do to one another, especially judging others for being different. I'm now straying into a topic not related to this site, so I will stop. But, thanks again for your reply, what a relief. B.T.W. , I really do like your site. Lots of interesting articles to read, especially since they aren't from some judgemental a-hole. Also, kudos for writing something that prompted me to even make a comment... Like I said before, this is a first for me. So again, kudos!....Take it easy

-regards

-Brandon (just another weirdo/a-hole)

Hope Alexander (author) on April 24, 2009:

Yes Brandon, it was posted as a joke. (The other 150 articles in support of men wearing lingerie and the overal ironic tone of the article should really have tipped you off ;)

likewhatiam on April 02, 2009:

I wear my panties 24/7 and I don't give a dam what people think in any case who are the people we are the people I love my panties and will never part with them no matter what.

mikki on March 28, 2009:

Nanciboy - you don't - you're on the good side of the pink line with me! I wear them under my suit too!

scantilyclad on March 28, 2009:

and 1 reason why men SHOULD wear panties.....they are SO much more comfortable than tighty whiteys

Nanciboy on March 27, 2009:

Mikki - I wear panties under my suit. Don't know how I fit in your characterizations.

Bill on March 26, 2009:

You can have my panties when you rip them off my cold dead body...

Oh wait, who will be doing the search?

Don Witten on March 26, 2009:

Panty Patrol, I don't know why but that has a nice ring to it!

Mikki on March 26, 2009:

This calls for medals, promotions and slaps on the back (not fanny-too gay) to all who adhere to the rightness and americaness of pink journalism!

Lets haul out all those pantywaisted boys and teach them the true ways of manhood - all three branches of manly service to the betterment of the one true world order.

1. Low class rednecks - you too can don your stained wifebeater under your sunday shirt, go to church and fall asleep (don't want to hurt your brain) and wait until the chicken dinner and the "coffee creamer" you store in your pocket flask. Then its off to ignoring your family while you do manly things with your friends.

2. Middle class working stiff - basically the same as rednecks, but with cleaner shirts and underwear. You pay attention to your family, but mostly with an eye towards tax deductions and if they're smart enough to go to college and support your retirement.

3. Upper class thief - the height of male domination! What better way to make it this world other than stealing from everyone else while wearing a suit!?

On second thought - perhaps I'll keep my panties on and just be the person I always have been!

Gunnau from Central Coast NSW Australia on March 26, 2009:

Hi Hope

Phew, Thank God your here to save us all.

I'm going to set fire to all my panties right away.

Maybe i'll sleep on that idea. If i set fire to all my panties, i'd burn a new hole in the Ozone layer.