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Dogs Are Taking American Jobs

Jeff is a 65-year old retired advertising copywriter with a bachelor's degree in English and a master's degree in Safety Management.

Dogs are Exacerbating the Unemployment Problem

A two-person police job is now a one-person-and-one-dog job.

A two-person police job is now a one-person-and-one-dog job.

America's News Media is Noticing that Dogs are taking Human Jobs!

America's media has just noticed that dogs are filling thousands of human jobs. You can read Newsweek's prescient article on this amazing transformation in employment, written by Jesse Ellison in 2011. It is entitled, "Are Dogs Stealing our Jobs?", and can be read in full here...

So, according to reports, there is a growing tide of dog employment occurring here in the United States. While our nation's REAL human unemployment (and so-called 'underemployment') is stubbornly hovering around four or five percent, and has been this high since about 2014, the unemployment rate among American dogs continues to fall! This can not be a coincidence!

According to Newsweek's thoughtful article, dogs are 'stealing' jobs in the fields of Medicine, National Security, Pest Control, Police Science and Zoology. You can add these other well-known dog employment fields:

- Agricultural Produce Protection

- Biological and Biochemical Research

- Building and Junk Yard Protection

- Disability Aide

- Feline and Rat Control

- Firefighter Aide

- Home and Farm Protection

- Human Crowd Control

- Human Psychotherapy

- Human Rehabilitation

- Laboratory Research

- Livestock Herding and Protection

- Missing Persons and Animals

- Organic Waste Management

- Postal Worker Regulation

- Private Security.


Some of the many canine applicants seeking a security job in a jewelry warehouse.

Some of the many canine applicants seeking a security job in a jewelry warehouse.

Et tu, Brutus?

Et tu, Brutus?

I have heard (from reliable sources) of at least one former State Senator (whom I'll call Jones, to disguise his identity) from Wisconsin who used to imbibe too many adult beverages some nights before senate sessions. When Jones could not arouse himself to attend morning sessions and committee meetings, he had his legislative aide drive his German Shepherd Dog to the capitol building in Madison. This handsome black-and-brown dog, named Brutus, would trot into the Senate chamber and take the old senator's seat. Whenever legislative items came to a vote on the front tally board, Brutus would push one of the three buttons on the senator's desk: (1) 'Yes / Approve', (2) 'Present' or (3) 'No / Disapprove'. As many younger members of Jones' political party followed his lead on controversial votes, Brutus the German Shepherd Dog had a significant influence on State Senate voting outcomes - far beyond the influence wielded by other pets (and a few chimpanzees) who have occasionally voted in the Wisconsin legislature. For example, Brutus' leadership was instrumental in passing funding bills for the 18 operating Wisconsin Canine Maternity Care Clinics. Indigent Wisconsin dogs can also be given a dignified burial at state expense, due to Brutus' voting leadership in 1981. Senator Jones' dog was instrumental in changing the Wisconsin "Official State Mammal", from the Feral Cat to the American Water Spaniel, back in 1978.

But, to be honest, Brutus most frequently voted 'Present' during these Wisconsin Senate votes. No one really took notice, because this is how Senator Jones voted most of the time, too. In this way, Jones and his German Shepherd Dog avoided most of those controversial votes that cause Wisconsin State Senators and Assemblymen to lose their political offices.

Old Senator Jones almost lost his seat in an intra-party fight with a younger party challenger, but kept his seat when Brutus died unexpectedly (in 1984) at the age of 12. Out of spite (because Brutus had supported his challenger), Senator Jones refused to pay for a dignified funeral for Brutus. In an ironic twist, Brutus' crucial vote from three years' earlier allowed the dog-legislator to receive a formal funeral and burial, at Wisconsin state government expense, and the solemn event was attended by many of the younger legislators in his political party. (Unlike the oft-inebriated Senator Jones, Brutus the dog had never led the younger senators to vote the wrong way on controversial issues!)

A photograph of Sparky, the reliable electrician's dog.

A photograph of Sparky, the reliable electrician's dog.

An Educational Story for All Human Employees

Several years' ago, I met Master Electrician Lars Wieboldt from Mankato, Minnesota. I noticed that his only helper was a Border Collie-Shetland Sheepdog mix named Sparky. I asked Mr. Wieboldt if he didn't have any assistants and he replied, "Ja, I do and sure I do! See yon dog, Sparky, he's my best assistant ever!"

Surprised, I asked Mr. Wieboldt to explain and he told me that since becoming a Master Electrician and starting out with his own electrical contracting business, he's had three previous human assistants. The latest assistant, call him Fred, had been paid $25 per hour plus benefits. Unfortunately, that last assistant also had several bad habits, including his tardiness, laziness, insubordinate attitude (as well as his bad habit of urinating all around the job sites). After finally terminating this man Fred's employment, Wieboldt started to bring Sparky to his job sites for some companionship. He was surprised how helpful young Sparky tried to be and the dog eventually provided better service than any of his previous human assistants! Now, four years' later, Sparky the Electrician's Assistant has shocked many locals by taking the place of a human electrician's assistant.

Really? "Ja wohl," says Lars Wieboldt, "Sparky is better than any human that has ever worked for me! He still has a problem with urinating all over the job site, like my previous assistant Fred, but customers seem to be less upset when Sparky is the one doing the peeing. I was almost arrested by police a few times in the past, when my 'dumbkopf' assistant Fred relieved himself in front of neighborhood women and children!"

Besides, Sparky cheerfully works all day long for just $3 per day in premium dog food and treats. Wieboldt concluded, "That's sure better than paying dumb guys to provide a half-hearted work effort for $25 per hour! Sparky is worth his weight in gold, you betcha!"


So, Fred is now just another formerly well-paid employee living on the streets in Minnesota, all because of our nation's growing dog employment. For their own good, humans had better start to notice what is going on, in this job market!

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