Chief Executive Officer of the Witherton Times --- Axeman180 Twitch Administrator
We all know 'em! And not to mention, we all want one! They say that money can't buy happiness, well, the guy who made that saying up has obviously never bought a Pool Table. Pool is a classic sport that was around not far before the 15 hundreds. During that time, many royal families would play a game of pool to wind down and relax after a highly competitive game of Monopoly Empires. The lower class citizens could not afford to have a prim and proper Billiards game at their local tavern. So the owners of said taverns made do by weaving a home-made Pool Table out of the spider webs around the bar and the fleece of their pet sheep which they collected over time. Though the table was quite flimsy, the villagers were still grinning like possums eating sweet 'taters throughout the game. Needless to say, playing a good game of pool is the cat's meow.
So good in fact, that one may even seek to procure a Pool Table for their hideout or "man-cave". However, while window shopping for Pool Tables is all well and good, it stops being harmless when you decide to put some money aside and purchase one for yourself. Everyone knows that purchasing a Pool Table isn't all fun and games. Not only does it signal a rather large (Pool Table sized) change in life. But its bound to set your significant other down a war path, and any decent man knows that when the Missus is-a rocking you don't come-a knocking.
However many of these troubles are elementary in the face of one of the greatest hassles known to the modern man. Not having a man cave that can properly handle a pool table.
Does Your Man-Cave Deserve a Pool Table?
To have a Pool Table in your Man-Cave you must first make sure your cave has enough "Den Credits" in order to have one installed safely. The name "Den Credits" comes from the name "Men's Den" a word used to describe ones Man-Cave. Den Credits are issued bi-monthly by National Man Cave Lifestyle Association or NMCLA for short. You may be asking yourself, "How do I earn a Den Credits score of my very own?" well, I'll be telling you shortly. To earn Den Credits you must first register your Man-Cave on the official NMCLA website. You will then be eligible to receive Den Credits, which is a scoring system used specifically for rating the "hype" (Internet word which means design in this context) of a Man-Cave . The score you will receive is out of 100. The more Den Credits you have, the more advanced technology you can put in your Man-Cave.
A Quiz to Get Your Noggin Working Overtime!
For each question, choose the best answer. The answer key is below.
- What is the name of the score based Man Cave rating system?
- Den Credits
- Den Points
- What colour is the 1 ball?
- How many Den Credits do you need in order to get a Lava Lamp installed in your Man Cave?
- 0 - 24
- 25 - 49
- 50 - 74
- 75 - 100
- Who was the first man to reach 100 Den Credits?
- Kumail Nanjiani
- Kyle Zingler
- Moe Tundirk
- What do you call shoes made out of banana's? (A Quick Joke, ;) )
- Den Credits
- 25 - 49
- Kumail Nanjiani
Interpreting Your Score
If you got between 0 and 1 correct answer: Holy Smokes Old Mate. You might want to brush up on your Pool Table knowledge before having another red-hot crack! Otherwise, taking this test again would be quite futile.
If you got between 2 and 3 correct answers: Missed It Man, Nearly Got It. Try reading over this article once more before giving it another go.
If you got 4 correct answers: Jolly Good. You're an average Joe Shmoe.
If you got 5 correct answers: You Are The Bee's Knees. A Pool Table master no less!
How to Raise Your Den Credit Score
While a Den Credit Score can reach up to a maximum of 100 points very few recipients of NMCLA have ever reached a score of 70. To make sure your Man Cave can handle a Pool Table you must have 80 Den Credits or above. To raise your score you must have your Man Cave look as nice and manly as possible when the NMCLA representative arrives to inspect your Man Cave. Sadly, I cannot disclose any more information due to a legally binding contract issued by NMCLA to all Den Credit recipients.
I hope that you learnt something new over the course of this article, whether you're a Billiards enthusiast or someone who didn't know what a Pool Table was until now (LOL)*. Please feel free to leave a comment addressing any information I may have gotten wrong. Make sure to stay happy and healthy (playing pool) during these trying times.
*(Laughing Out Loud)
© 2020 Paul Beenis