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Dear Andy Advice Column Visits to the Zoo

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Lori loves a good punchline. She loves to spread humor to make people laugh and not take life too seriously.

Hello everyone, I'm so glad you stopped by. It's a zoo out there with all the craziness going on. Andy is dying to share with you the recent letters he received seeking his advice. If you are new to Dear Andy, you must know that puns with a theme are woven into every letter. The theme for today is the zoo. Enjoy, but please don't feed the animals.

Young Woman Wears Too Much Perfume

Dear Andy,

I wear Tropical Botanical perfume. I get it on Amazon for $8.50 a spray bottle. I wear it Dolphin and people complain that it's too strong. I was at a party the other night and someone said I smell like an overripe Antelope, Ant-eater I wash it off or I could leave. I thought he Audobon nicer to me. And besides, when I wear it I feel like E-quine. I should have the right to wear whatever perfume want. What do you think, Andy?

Been Dung Wrong

Andy's Answer to Been Dung Wrong

Dear Been Dung Wrong,

Let's just Paws and think this Poo. On the one hand, a person should be allowed to Bear whatever perfume they want. However, some people are sensitive to Scents and it causes allergy Chimptoms. Or if it's really strong, it takes over the whole room and people can't think of anything else.

There needs to be a happy medium. I suggest you wear a much lighter dose, which will actually draw people in. As a man, I prefer a softer Scent. When you go somewhere to be with people, ask if anyone has any allergies to strong Scents. It's called being considerate. Good luck.

Andy

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Man Has a Temper Problem

Deer Andy,

I have a bad temper. At the slightest offense, I go Ape. My adult son got upset one day when I yelled at my wife with Shark words. He screamed back "Lemur alone." My son is the Polar opposite of his Owldman. He is easy going and good to the Chicks he dates.

He and my wife said I Otter get therapy or Elk. So I have. I've had to learn to Paws and Stink before I speak. But still, I have a Phew issues to work out. I Flew off the handle yesterday at the therapist because she Insects every word I say, and now I've Grotto apologize. Iguana do better, and I have improved, but it feels like it will take forever. Andy, I tell myself "Omnivore going to get mad again," and out of the blue, it happens. My wife said I am lousy at Husbandry. What else can I do? I don't want to Goose her.

Sincerely,

Cub Bee Nicer

Andy's Answer to Cub Bee Nicer

Dear Cub Bee Nicer,

Furs, I must commend you for being willing to go into therapy. It's the Beast you can do. I'm thinking you might also examine your lifestyle and see if there are triggers, such as Gibbon enough sleep. Li-on a good mattress and make sure you have a good diet. Get some exercise on a Bipedal.

Next, become a Creature of Habitat. Having structure in your life can ease stress.

Third, I would say along with your therapy, do couples counseling also. Hopefully, you will learn to give Giraffection instead of anger.

Don't delay. Andy

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Single Mom Not Receiving Child Support

Dear Andy,

I am a Stingle mom Jungling three jobs to Flead my Mammally. Their father used to send child support, but that changed; he Woodchuck all responsibility and spend his Monkey on Squirrelfriends, Headgehog funds, and his Feather duster company. I've had a few Conservations with him to appeal to him, but he says it's all a Croc and I should Wing it on my own. Andy, A Frican can't believe it. What should I do?

Yearning For Bucks

Andy's Answer to Yearning For Bucks

Dear Yearning For Bucks,

How unStorkunate your Ex husband is so Shellfish. You Musk Rat on him to the authorities. He is breaking the Caw and he will be court-ordered to pay or go to Tail. If you don't have the Mokey Fur Eagle fees, there are lawyers who will work Pro Dodo. You won't have to pay anything. I will Enclose some information for you.

Best of Duck,

Andy

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Extravagant Sister-in-law Debacle

Dear Andy,

My sister-in-law is a Hippocrite. She's always putting on Lairs. She chides me for Barkin hunting, saying I'm Cheep. A few weeks ago, I bought a $90 handbag for half off. I Herd about it for the rest of the day. She pulled me into a french Menagrie shop and acted like she was french to impress the worker.

She held up a fancy bra and said, "Excusez-moi, I like Ze bra right here. How much is it?"

Andy, it was $639. I happen to know she and my brother are going through Flankruptcy. But that didn't stop her. Next, she wanted some underMarmots. She chose a pair for $150 but they didn't have her size. The lady finally found her size in a different style in the clearance section. I told her to Gopher it but she said she would not buy something that Cheep. The lady became very insulted and said, "Excusez-moi, Mademoiselle, our Menagerie is not Cheep. It is the finest, shipped from Paris. If your Potamus was not so grande you might be able to buy the other pair."

My sister-in-law turned into a Shrew and there was a big scene. It went on for aBoa half hour. The manager came and said to leave or she would call security.

"Let's Geckoing," I said, pulling her out the door. I had to Gator some wine to calm her down. She calls me several times a Beak now to go shopping. I make excuses not to go and she is getting mad. What should I do?

Fed Up and Thrifty

Andy's Answer to Fed Up and Thrifty

Dear Fed Up and Thrifty,

If I were you I would find other Captivities to do together that don't involve spending. Maybe you can go on a picnic with your husbands and Pachydermas of tea and some foods with lots of different Speicies and herbs. Or, Panther her with a day at the Spa in front of a Roaring fire. I'm sure you'll find some things that are safe.

She will likely ask why you won't shop and put pressure on you. You will have to be firm but kind and tell her how you feel. Do what you can to express your love and desire to keep the family close.

I hope one day soon you will be able to put all this nonsense to rest.

Andy

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Thank you for joining Andy and friends today. I don't know about you, but I have a hankering for peanuts. Halloween is coming soon and Andy will be back with all kinds of scary stuff...scarier than usual that is. Don't be a stranger.

© 2020 Lori Colbo

Comments

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on October 07, 2020:

Hi Eric,

Consider this Levity Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by.

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on October 07, 2020:

Pamela, I'm so glad you got a laugh in today. These are heavy times and we need a little levity to keep us going. Happy Wednesday to you.

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on October 07, 2020:

Dora, thanks for you comments. I must admit, that was my favorite line to write. Blessings to you on this Wednesday afternoon.

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on October 07, 2020:

Lori this is a joy on all levels Thank you for the intriguing levity.

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on October 07, 2020:

These letters to Andy and his replies are so funny. This is the first time today I have had anthing to laugh about and what a great way to start the day. I don't know about others, but I am too serious very often. You are very talented, Lori.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on October 07, 2020:

""Excusez-moi, I like Ze bra right here." This made me laugh out loud. I like Andy's tone. It seems that he wants to keep the peace? Piece or Peas? Which is it?