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Dear Andy Advice Column: Andy Answers More Personal Questions

Lori loves a good punchline. She loves to spread humor to make people laugh and not take life too seriously.

Happy June 2020, everyone. In my last edition, I answered personal questions from folks and am giving a part 2. After that, I am ready to get back to helping you all.

For new folks, my columns are filled with puns along a certain theme. This time, the theme is on The Beatles - their songs, their albums, and information about them. I know you will enjoy it because who doesn't know and love The Beatles.

Reading Material

Dear Andy,

I love to read, particularly mystery novels. I am not a device reader. I guess I'm old school. I think what a person likes to read tells us something about that person. Do you like to read, and if so, what genre? Do you read hard copy or device?

Sincerely,

Bookworm Ann

Andy's Answer to Bookworm

Dear Bookworm,
There's a Place for reading in my life. I love to read but am so busy. What with two jobs and a family, I feel like I work Eight Days a Week. I guess I am old school too as I like to hold a book, smell, feel, and hear the pages; not to mention it's better on my eyes. Both my jobs require me to be on a computer all day so that's another reason.

I guess my genre would also be mysteries. I like magical fantasy type books also. When I'm on a reading binge with several books in a row, I am on a Magical Mystery Tour.

Just Yesterday, I finished a wonderful book by a Paperback Writer named George Ringo, called A Day in the Life of Lovely Rita. I highly recommend it.

Happy reading,

Andy

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Staying Fit

Dear Andy,

I believe in health and fitness as a priority. You are a really sharp guy and your picture shows a fit man. How do you stay fit in your busy life?

PJ

Andy's Answer to PJ

Dear PJ,

I do exercise some but have to be creative to work it into my busy family life and work schedule. We have an exercise room in our basement, with various equipment. I love to Carry That Weight of 100 pounds. I'm afraid I might lose control sometimes so I tell anyone nearby, "Get Back."

As a family, we love horseback riding. Not sure if that qualifies as exercise, but I Dig a Pony ride.

Thanks for writing, PJ.

Andy

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Questions About Drugs and Neighbor's Weeds

Dear Andy,

It's a known fact you were a young rascal early on. Did you ever use drugs and if so, what was your drug of choice? The weeds are growing high in my neighbor's back yard, and I don't know what to do. They're taking over the neighborhood.

Mary Jane

Andy's Answer to Mary Jane

Dear Mary Jane,

I am ashamed to admit that for a brief time in my teens I was a Day Tripper. I smoked lots of Mary Jane with my buddies.

How annoying it must be to have your neighbor's weeds growing into your yard. Go over and politely but firmly tell them that their weeds are growing Here, There, and Everywhere, and would they please Dig It out.

I hope that helps.

Andy

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Dear Andy,

I am a hopeless romantic and love to arrange for men and women to meet. Tell me, how did you meet your wife, and what was your courtship like?

Matchmaker

Andy's Answer to Matchmaker

Dear Matchmaker,

I was at a Benefit for Mr. Kite and was rather bored until I Saw Her Standing There in the distance, talking to another guy. Her beauty was like a Lady Madonna. "I've Got a Feeling she's the one," I said. With a Little Help From My Friends, I went over to introduce myself. I was so infatuated I was tongue-tied. "Hi, I Am the Walrus," I blurted. I cringed. How did that come out?

You can imagine her shock. Then she became sarcastic. "Your Mother Should Know about your identity crisis. I just know they didn't put walrus for your name or sex on your birth certificate. And now, Hello Goodbye."

I apologized profusely. "Look, I Don't Want to Spoil the Party, but I am not a Bad Boy. I know you think I'm A Loser, but please, Don't Pass Me By."

"Help!" she said, and turned to go, but I stopped her. She was really annoyed with me.

"Look, You're a Nowhere Man," she said. "Besides that, Everybody Wants to Be My Baby. I'm So Tired of it. I'd like to be left alone."

"Please, You've Really Got a Hold on Me. I'm Happy Just to Dance With You. That's all," I said.

"My mind is saying 'Run For Your Life," she said, "but I think We Can Work it Out. You are kind of cute...for a walrus."

She did dance with me and I guess she liked me. We've been together for a long time now. I can truly say she is my better half.

Andy

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Armed Forces

Dear Andy,

Did you ever serve in the armed forces? You seem like the hero type to me.

Veteran Victor

Andy Answers Veteran Victor

Dear Veteran Victor,

I have no military experience. But my Uncle Albert Halsey, was a decorated Admiral in the Navy. He was saluted as Admiral Halsey. As a Navy hero his name and image were placed on a Yellow Submarine.

My maternal Grandfather was Sargent Pepper in the army. His fiance, Prudence, took up with other men while he was fighting on foreign soil, and he became a lonely heart. To console himself, he formed a band, the Lonely Hearts Club Band. Before he came home he wrote to her and gave her what for. I have the letter in a stack of old love letters of theirs.

Dear Prudence,

I have learned of your past and current infidelities - your romances with Maxwell, the carpenter with a Silver Hammer always trying to Fix a Hole, and Mr. Mustard, that Mean Old Man who Sleeps in a Hole in the Road like a hobo. Now I hear you've taken up with Jude, that annoying chap who always says "Hey," and Bill who lives in that Bungalow across town. I hope you're happy and don't mind your reputation as a Sexy Sadie.

I am better off without you. When I come home soon, don't come around expecting us to Come Together. Don't Bother Me. This is The End. I am Free as a Bird now.

I've got my own list of gals lined up. But unlike you, they are honorable women. Michelle, Julia, and Georgia Brown (she's a Honey Pie).

Goodbye forever.

Sargent Pepper (you are not worthy to call me by my first name)

So, Victor, my grandpa went home to the U.S. and eventually met and married my grandmother, Eleanor Rigby. A few years ago she Died in a Church and Was Buried With Her Name. Nobody Came because Gramps was in a nursing home and we were on vacation at the Isle of Wight.

I guess that's about it for military history in my family. I hope you found this interesting Victor.

Andy

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Well, my beloved readers, this concludes my personal Q & A letters. Please don't hesitate to write in for advice. Now that you know the real me, don't let that deter you. I need to feed my family and I enjoy helping people and let me just say thank you and you are AWESOME.

Love,

Andy

© 2020 Lori Colbo

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