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Christmas Gifts for In-Laws (You Don't Like)

Updated on May 6, 2017
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What To Buy ... What To Buy?

There's nothing like In-Laws! Brothers and Sisters-In-Laws love to protect their siblings from the mean spouse they married, while you're never good enough for the Mother and Father-In-Law. And the holidays always seems to bring out the best in all of them ... towards you. (Yes, Virginia, I'm being facetious!)

Some may be very good at hiding their feelings towards you. Just remember, you're an intruder into their family circle, and no matter how welcome they make you feel, they're going to talk badly about you once the holidays are over.

So, use these suggestions, wrap them in your best Christmas wrapping paper, and watch the results!

Besides, if they're gonna talk, why not give them something to talk about?

Disney Christmas Song

Massage Parlors are always enjoyed by the male gender.  Set it up for all the extras and then call the cops!  That's when the fun begins!
Massage Parlors are always enjoyed by the male gender. Set it up for all the extras and then call the cops! That's when the fun begins! | Source
What Woman Doesn't Enjoy A Vacuum Cleaner For Christmas?  (Please don't tell me you really bought one for your wife ... please don't!)
What Woman Doesn't Enjoy A Vacuum Cleaner For Christmas? (Please don't tell me you really bought one for your wife ... please don't!) | Source
All You Can Eat Buffet Gift Certificates for dieting in-laws can be classified as torture!  Don't you just love it!
All You Can Eat Buffet Gift Certificates for dieting in-laws can be classified as torture! Don't you just love it! | Source

Here's Some Ideas To Make Them Love You!

1) Massage Parlor Certificates for all male in-laws. Find the most seedy type of massage parlor around and purchase gift certificates for only the male members of the family. Once you give them out, set up a "family evening" to provide them all with transportation to "Shanequa's Therapeutic Massage and Gentlemen’s Club.” Once they’re inside, call the local police department and talk to them about the “sins” occurring inside. Be sure to take pictures as your relatives are led out wearing only loin cloths and handcuffs. They will be great conversation pieces for future family reunions, as well as something to discuss when figuring out what to wear for next Halloween’s family party!

2) Vacuum cleaners for the mother and sister-in-laws. On the card, print, “Just wanted to get you something you could use year around. I saw you needed one the last time we visited!” Don’t buy the most expensive models by any means. That way, the next time you visit their homes, you can always ask, “Oh no, did the vacuum cleaner I bought you tear up already?” It’s a gift you can enjoy every time you visit!

3) Weapons that shoot for all male members of the family that suffer from road rage “itus” and anger management problems. Demonstrate how to clean and use them, as well as the ease in loading. The guys will love these, but the females of the household will hate them. You’ll create many “in house” arguments that will occupy the time they’d normally be talking about you, and may even help in ending an argument or two! Forever!

4) Glade Mist Machines for all the female in-laws. Same principal as the vacuum cleaners. Tell them how you had a hard time figuring what to buy them for Christmas, until you saw the mist machine and remembered how their house smelled last time you were there. Then, ask them if they ever got rid of the dog (you know they never had). Watch their faces and enjoy the fun!

5) All-You-Can-Eat Buffet gift certificates for all on diets. Tell them how the salad bar is fantastic, but the juicy, golden fried chicken (that is perfectly seasoned and crunchy on the outside yet pure Heaven on the inside) and fresh baked, apple pie simply melts in your mouth, especially when you take it to the freeze machine and cover it in fresh vanilla ice cream! Watch the drool start to flow and lay it on even heavier for more laughs!

6) Cooking School Certificates for the female in-laws. This is another way to attest to the culinary skills of the households in question. This is also a good time to tell them that, again, you didn’t know what to buy them so you asked their husbands what would be the most needed thing in the house that needed improvement. Then say, “Oops, I told y’all I wasn’t going to tell them that” and watch the fun begin!

Gayla Peevey - "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas"

Aww!  Isn't the wittle bunny sooo cwute?   And soon, you can expect many wittle bunnies if you've planned it right!  Won't the in-laws be happy?!?
Aww! Isn't the wittle bunny sooo cwute? And soon, you can expect many wittle bunnies if you've planned it right! Won't the in-laws be happy?!? | Source
Santa's Handy Helper may give your in-laws the hand they need to recognize that they're the inadequate ones!!
Santa's Handy Helper may give your in-laws the hand they need to recognize that they're the inadequate ones!! | Source
Lingerie is always a good choice for aging in-laws.  Make sure they try it on by telling them one size fits all!!
Lingerie is always a good choice for aging in-laws. Make sure they try it on by telling them one size fits all!! | Source
Holiday Spirits, anyone?
Holiday Spirits, anyone? | Source

7) Rabbits for all in-laws with kids. There’s nothing more painful to keep than a rabbit. First, none will have a place for it, or want it, but the kids will be so excited to have one (especially after you tell them that Peter Cottontail wants to see it Easter before leaving any Easter baskets) that the parents will be stuck with it. Talk to the breeder ahead of time, and only purchase female rabbits that were kept in the same pen with a male or two. In a short time, the fun will really start taking place!

8) Mature Theatrical Releases. For the family members that feel they’re too old for such nonsense, provide them with a reason to visit the doctor and enjoy the embarrassment of going to the pharmacy after those little pills that bring about big evenings of nostalgia. Be sure to purchase those that display as many tattoos as possible. In the months to follow, “Have you gotten any tattoos, yet?” can always be a great conversation ender when they start to get on your case about something ridiculous.

9) Sexy Underwear (that’s way too small). Make a quick trip to the web and purchase something that an eighteen year old would have a hard time fitting into for both male and female in-laws. Then, watch the faces as presents are opened and tell them how well it will go with the videos you purchased them! If you really want to have fun, tell them to go into the bedroom and try it on. You can get even a bigger kick if you bug the bedroom in advance and sell chances on the time it takes for the thong to snap!

10) Booze, Booze, and more Booze! The best way to shut up your in-laws from talking about you is to get them drunk. Not just a little, a lot! Spike the punch, spike the tea, spike the coffee, spike the green beans if you have to. Just get them drunk.

Be sure not to drink any of it yourself, as you’ll be needed taking pictures of the fools trying on the lingerie, shooting the weapons out of the windows at passing trucks, and of your mother-in-law vacuuming, as she staggers around the house with a wine glass in her hand. Slobbering drunks that have passed out also gives you reason to leave early, so you can get back home and really enjoy what Christmas is all about.

A Day Off From Work!!!


Some Final Thoughts

If you follow the above advice, you will be sure to enjoy the gifts you provided for a long time. If you decide on trying to purchase something “useful” and “meaningful” you’ll fail miserably, as always. Then, you’ve only yourself to blame for the ridicule you receive the rest of the year.

Why wait?

“Tis The Season To Be Jolly!”

By the way, in-laws, I'll take one of these!

Nuff Said !!
Nuff Said !! | Source

Judy Garland - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

No, ladies, I didn't forget you! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Eye Candy For The Ladies!!!
Eye Candy For The Ladies!!! | Source

A Charlie Brown Christmas - Christmas Time is Here Song

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    • tulasihealthcare profile image

      Dr. Gorav Gupta 3 years ago from New Delhi

      Great gift ideas ! I appreciate your hub ideas.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      tehjib -

      Good to see you here!

      You have a hint of sadist in you, my friend! I love it! lol Glad you enjoyed this.

      Thanks for coming by and commenting! Much appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Duffsmom -

      Good to meet you!

      Am happy you enjoyed this piece. Good to see you smile!

      I appreciate you stopping in! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Daisy -

      You never let down a friend, do you? : ) I really appreciate you helping me out. Hub ideas? Actually, most of my hubs come from real experiences that I stretch to the extremes. A newscast on meteor showers started one, this one when my wife asked what we should buy my daughters in-laws, and my one on hospital treatment from my stay there. A friend of mine once asked how we wrote jokes when I did stand-up. I told him, "Just start talking about something and don't stop ... something's bound to be funny." To show him I looked up on a hill we were driving by and spied a church and a graveyard. "Now, Bill, if a restaurant had a graveyard next to it, would you eat there? Of course not! So why do churches have graveyard's next to them? It's not good advertising! Come on in, worship, and end up staying next door ... forever!" He got the point. lol

      Thanks again for all your support, Daisy! You're fantastic!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Linda -

      Good to see you, Sunshine!

      I trust your Christmas was fantastic! Thanks so for giving me this gift today! I've had your lasagna on my mind ever since reading your hub the other day. Waiting on payday, and then .....

      Thanks for stopping in! Greatly appreciated!

    • tehjib profile image

      Kudrat-E-Khuda Barat 4 years ago from Bangladesh

      Made me laugh imagining the face after getting the gifts.

      Great Hub!

    • duffsmom profile image

      P. Thorpe Christiansen 4 years ago from Pacific Northwest, USA

      Great fun - loved it!

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Rich,

      I came back to read your terrific article again. How do you come up with your Hub ideas?

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy day after Christmas RC.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Cathy -

      Good of you to stop in!

      Glad you enjoyed this one. Just a little something to bring some humor to the season (or vengeance for some, lol).

      Thanks for the read and comments! Have a great Christmas!

    • Cathy Fidelibus profile image

      Ms. Immortal 4 years ago from NJ

      Loved this so funny. Could have used this advice a few years back when I had in-laws. Luckily for me they are no longer a problem:o)

      voted up and shared!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      phoenix2327 -

      In honesty, I did! Not one of my more sane moments, but still, a moment to remember. I said it to my wife, but it was overheard and quickly passed throughout the room. I can only imagine what was being told as it made it's way throughout the crowd and into the ears of the last recipient. I was from the "big city", anyway, which only validated their opinion of "city folks." As with many who have performed stand-up, my tongue is sometimes faster than the brain synopsis to the common sense area. lol

      May you and yours have a fantastic Merry Christmas, filled with smiles and love! Many thanks!

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      OMG, you so did not. ROLF. Oh, you are wicked.

      Best wishes for a wonderful Christmas.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Cyndi -

      Good of you to visit!

      I don't think there's any problem, as my surviving in-laws have never bought me the first gift. My oldest daughter's in-laws are the few that I've met in Ky, but I took care of them at my daughter's wedding reception. I looked at all the people on his side of the family, thought about how much it would cost me each year in gifts, and proclaimed, "Damn, I know how to get a family reunion together with this bunch. I'm just going to pull a semi up in the middle of Main Street and holler Free Cheese!" Most haven't talked to me since. : ) The moment, interesting. The money I've saved, priceless! lol

      Thanks for commenting and the kind words! Merry Christmas!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Jeannie -

      Good to see you here!

      I do try to ensure all will have something coming, especially if they deserve it. I just hate for anyone to be left out! : ) There is a dual meaning with the rabbits. It could be as stated, or perhaps, could someone be questioning the need for a pregnancy test? Oops! Sorry, again, just trying to cover all the bases!

      Thanks for stopping by! Have a great holiday!

    • cclitgirl profile image

      Cynthia Sageleaf 4 years ago from Western NC

      Haha. You are too funny. Poor in-laws will have it coming. Enjoyed your humor and the laughs and I DO hope you won't be receiving any of these from your in-laws, because we know what that means. HAHA.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      There is something for everyone in this hub. Someone tried to give me a rabbit once. Hmmm.... what was she trying to say? Hehe. Fun hub and voted up!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Don -

      Good to see you here!

      I recognize I went a little overboard on some of them, but I was trying to take care of everyone. lol Some may have a little worse in-laws than others, so the severity may need to be a little harsher. I'm really glad this put a smile on your face. It has served its purpose in doing so!

      Greatly appreciate the comments! Many Thanks!

    • Don Bobbitt profile image

      Don Bobbitt 4 years ago from Ruskin Florida

      Funny! Funny! Funny!

      I am sharing this one right away , as soon as I wipe the tears from my eyes from laughing so much.

      In-Laws! Everyone has them and some of them just need to be re-paid for how they act toards you.

      Some of your ideas are a little radical (and expensive), but they are all FUNNY!

      Don

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Rolly -

      So good of you to visit, my friend!

      You never know, Christmas morning may bring you a surprise! lol I, too, love to give the gifts that keep on giving headaches, but usually find myself getting one before I can escape the initial run. Perhaps, Federal Express is the answer! : )

      Thanks for all the kind words! Greatly Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Shauna -

      Good evening, my dear!

      That's one way of not having to purchase them gifts. Tis a shame as I'm sure you could've found several of these to fit the need. lol

      Thanks for commenting! Much Appreciated!

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi RC... still laughing... glad I am not on your shopping list. Yet another that is a favorite for those with children are the noisiest and most annoying toys you can find. Of course include some extra long lasting batteries for the added satisfaction you wil be remembered... lol... Voted up and all across... this is a keeper.

      Hugs from Canada

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Too funny Rich! I have personally solved the pretentious gift exchange for the out, I mean in-laws by firing their offspring! No more in-laws! Ha ha. Merry Christmas to me!! :-)

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Kelly -

      Good to see you!

      Now, you know you'd look great with those boots! lol If I said anything else I'd only get myself into trouble. It would be nice if one or two would comment, but I'm with you, I guess they're just a little afraid to do so! : )

      Thanks for visiting and linking! Greatly Appreciated!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      ha! Hey I really like those red suede boots the santa floozie is wearing:) lol You know what, people are probably in fear of commenting in case the inlaws follow:) haha

      I am linking you to mine right now - thank you so much for linking mine!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Terrye -

      Really good to see you!

      Yours sounds like my wife's mother. A couple of years, she bought me a pair of discount brand socks. Then, she finally just said, "I didn't know what to buy you so I spent the money on your girls." Oh well, at least they got the extra .99 spent on them. : )

      Thanks for visiting! Much appreciated! Btw, I wish you the safest of moves out West!

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      You must be friends with my current monster-in-law. She *always* knows just the perfect things to give me every year...well, the years that she remembers that I'm married to her son anyway.

      The picnic tablecloth clips have to be the number one present she ever gave me. She really shouldn't have spent so much money! (The clearance tag for 50 cents was still attached).

      Great hub. Voted up and shared.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Stacy -

      So nice to see you here!

      Be sure to let me know when you publish it and I'll return the favor! Glad you liked this one. And see, regardless of my wife's opinion, I do remember that ladies need eye candy, too! lol

      Really appreciate the comments! Many Thanks!

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      Ha ha - I loved all of the suggestions. I am gonna link it up to my new Christmas hub to be published soon. These are just too good to pass up. And thanks for the eye candy as well.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      healthylife2 -

      Really good of you to visit!

      There are some things that are visually unkind. I always feared seeing my grandmother in spandex, my mother-in-law in a bikini, or my father-in-law in a speedo. (oooofff! I shudder!) lol You may want to check the search history on your computer. If you find local massage parlors, be wary! : )

      Thanks so much for your kind words! Greatly appreciated!

    • healthylife2 profile image

      Healthy Life 4 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      I always know where to go for a good laugh!! Fortunately I get along well with my mother in law but my husband can't say the same about his. I guess I will just have to pass these tips along to him although I'll have to avoid the sexy underwear visual. Voted up!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Abby -

      Now you're getting to some of my recent hubs. See the changes! : )

      The reasoning behind #3 is that by demonstrating proper usage and handling, you'll be appreciated. If you're appreciated, you're safe, for the most part. Later, when the arguments start in their own homes, one half of the party may be immediately eliminated, and the other eliminated when residency changes to the metal bar hotel. See, two birds with one stone, or shot, as the case may be! lol Of course, there's always the element of danger involved, but, wouldn't it be worth it? : )

      Happy you enjoyed this one! Greatly Appreciated!

    • Abby Attwood profile image

      Abby Attwood 4 years ago from Olathe, KS

      These were all great ideas, but are you out of your mind on #3? Giving guns to overprotective brothers and fathers after all of the other shenanigans you just pulled? That's likely to get you hurt! Very funny, thanks for the laugh!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Christy -

      So good to see you here!

      This has proven to be a fairly popular hub, to say the least. I'm kind of startled by the number of comments myself. But, I sure appreciate getting them. Maybe I have to work on my titles more in the future! lol

      Really happy you enjoyed this! Thanks for the kind words, the read and comments!

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      LOL Richard I can see why you have so many comments here! Your writing is so funny - the headline grabbed my attention and I had to read :)

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Patricia -

      So nice of you to visit!

      Neighbors can easily be included in this list. In fact, it might give you a reason to visit them more often if you give them a mist machine or vacuum cleaner. lol I loved the hippo song myself! : )

      Thanks for the great comments! Much appreciated!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      How funny. Love these. Laughing is such a great way to put things in perspective. Taking life too seriously can be bad for your health. I am sharing this on fB ...

      And by the way, I love the I want a hippo song...I look forward to hearing it each year. When I need a good laugh, I will be back.

      And while I have no inlaws I have some neighbors who could use a few of these items...o my, am I a bad person?? ps

    • profile image

      AudraLeigh 4 years ago

      LOL! Good morning! Love your sense of humor!!! I will get the fire estinguisher!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Audra -

      Really good to see you back!

      Next thing you know, you'll have your elf costume on running around the house. I can almost smell the Christmas cookies burning! lol You can always store away these ideas for the future. One never knows what's ahead! : )

      Good to see you smiling, again! Many thanks!

    • profile image

      AudraLeigh 4 years ago

      I think I just got into the Christmas spirit after reading this! What a great idea for a hub; the gift of laughter! I really liked the too small underware...lol! I wish I could have offered some of these the last year I was married...chuckle! I am glad you piked out a little something for yourself...llol!!!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Glimmer -

      Good to see you, again!

      Perhaps she's at a complete loss as to what to buy you and she lives close to a soap store. Maybe she's always loved horses and this is as close as she can get to sharing her passion (okay, I know they stopped using horses in making soap years ago, but maybe she doesn't, lol), and perhaps, she really wants soap as a gift and is hoping you'll simply give it back to her when birthday time comes around! Perhaps, her mother always washed her mouth out with soap when she was younger for using profanity and she's hinting that she doesn't like the way you talk. : )

      Try reverse psychology on her. "Oh my gosh, you got me soap! I never would've guessed I'd get soap ten years in a row from you! I love the way you always give me the gift that reminds me cleanliness is next to holiness. Really though, you don't have to worship me. Though, there are times I feel like asking you if you'd like to join me in the shower! I like scalding hot water. How about yourself? And it's pink this year! How surprising! I guess you went through all the primary colors in years past and are now going for blends. How exciting! I can't wait till next year. I'm going to paint the bathroom mauve this summer. Just a hint on the color to keep your eyes open for when you're shopping next Christmas!" Maybe, she'll take the hint. lol

      Thanks for the return visit! Much appreciated!

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      I thought this was so funny I had to read it twice! I have a relative who always brings me soap. I've even asked her if she is trying to tell me something and she just smiles...and in case you were wondering....I have soap everywhere in my house and I and my house are very clean. Maybe she is regifting from her in-laws!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Rajan -

      So good to see you, my friend!

      Very happy you enjoyed this! Just trying to spread the spirit of the season! lol

      Appreciate the read and comments! Many Thanks!

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Rich, I really love your tongue in cheek humor. Entertaining as ever. Votes up, interesting and sharing. Thanks for keeping the ladies in mind with the final picture, mon ami!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Faith Reaper -

      Happy you're back!

      Really glad you enjoyed this one. No matter how hard you try, it seems relatives are the hardest to please. So ... I leave it up to you, my dear! lol

      Thanks so much for visiting! God Bless!

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      LOL RC,

      You did it again, non stop laughing and me attempting to type just do not cut it! LOL

      You know, there is so much truth here. As one spends so much time "trying" to pick out the perfect gift to suit each family member and then . . . so why not do as you have suggested so brilliantly here? LOL

      Another brilliant hub dear one! The only one I'd be really afraid to give is the weapons one, as they may turn it on me! Yikes!

      God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Theresa -

      So good of you to stop in!

      How could I ever forget my favorite people? I had to put that picture there, especially after the one I listed above it. lol I'll see if I can't come up with a contact number for you!

      Appreciate the kind comments! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Amy -

      Good to see you!

      I see some gift certificates appearing soon in your future. Shanequa's has open dates just waiting those lowly individuals you aim to please! lol And kids are such innocent messengers. : ) Glad you enjoyed!

      Thanks for the comments! Greatly appreciated!

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Great and hilarious Hub. I especially appreciate the beefcake picture. We women, even we older women, like to look, and don't want to be left out. Thank you for remembering us. :) Let us know if you will take requests. :)

    • holyjeans30 profile image

      Amy D. 4 years ago from Mostly in My Own Little World

      Lol, this was hilarious. I only wish I still had the in laws I did several years ago........wait not really. But my kids still go for Christmas. I could always send them gift bearing.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Robert -

      Good to meet you, sir!

      Glad you enjoyed this one. I anxiously await your results. Just remember, I am not responsible for any occurrences that transpire from the act of giving! lol It's all in the Spirit of Christmas!

      Thanks for the read, comments and votes! Appreciate all greatly!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Jackie -

      Really good to see you here!

      Jackie, Jackie, Jackie ... I'd have never of guessed ... but I love it! lol I'm sure you had to be laughing your tail off inside while watching her guzzle the punch! : ) That had to be a riot!

      Thanks for the compliments! Greatly Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Deborah -

      So good to see you back from Mexico! Was afraid customs might catch you on the return trip! : )

      Under the Christmas tree? My, you are kinky, my dear. I'd of thought another room might provide a better setting, but who an I to judge. My memory is failing me as the years go by. lol

      Thanks for commenting! Really glad you enjoyed! Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Leslie -

      You've caught on to my idea, my dear!

      Marriage affords us the in-laws from Hell at times. This is just a small way to give back all that one has received, and, in a fitting way! lol I was only thinking of someone that had the energy to keep up with your intensity when I presented the picture. The cardiac care units can only handle so many older geezers with heart attacks! : ) Glad you liked this!

      You know I always love your comments! Much Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Nithya -

      So nice of you to visit here.

      Am pleased you enjoyed this listing. It's one way to ensure you'll always have something to say to those relatives that love us so much! lol As someone said above, "It's the thought that counts!" : )

      Thanks so for commenting! Much Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Suzie -

      So good to see you here!

      The party never starts until you get here! I've often thought of gift certificates or cards. This may be the year. lol Really happy you enjoyed this. Good to see you smile!

      Greatly Appreciate all you do. Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Myz -

      Good to see you again!

      Glad you enjoyed this. Just a little something to help spread the Christmas spirit! lol

      Thanks for commenting! Much Appreciated!

    • Robert Erich profile image

      Robert Erich 4 years ago from California

      As everyone is saying in the comments, this is a hilarious article. I was definitely captured by the title and not disappointed! I look forward to reading more of your epic articles as time goes on. And you know, I may have to let you know what happens when I give away a few of these gifts! ;) Well written! Voted up on all accounts and shared!

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      I talked someone into spiking the punch one Christmas for a mother-in-law who didn't allow her husband to have even a beer in the yard on a hot mowing day. She really liked that punch too, that she made, and couldn't figure out why it was so much better this year. Of course fear of being found out kept it from being the fantastic day it should have been for me, lol. (I wasn't always an angel.)

      You have some funny stuff. I enjoyed it. ^

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Richard too funny.. I love it.. especially I want the good looking man with the muscles under my Christmas tree.. lol

      happy Thanksgiving almost!!!!

      Debbie

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      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      OMG...

      Richard - me thinks if you followed through on these well-thought-out gifts - you'd have NO in-laws left to buy for next year..

      Hmmmm...perhaps that's the plan? lol..

      As far as the 'eye-candy' for us women? I'm sorry, but THAT looks to be around 12 years old - got anything in REAL MAN-size?

      Hmmmm?....

      omg..

      voting/sharing/giggling..

      Geez..now i have to scroll ALL the way up again...i'm too old for this shit...lol

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      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      Funny!! Totally entertained. Great ideas indeed!!!! Voted up .

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi Rich,

      Apologies to be late to the party and boy . . .what a par-tay! This Christmas list is inspired, so witty! Wouldn't you love to give the seedy voucher or the hoover! LOL loved them all Rich and the in depth planning and delivery of punchlines - BRILLIANT! Know a few people who would love to give many of your list so pinning for the masses!! VU more, shares and pinned, truly hilarious work as always my friend!

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      Enjoying every word in your hub Rich!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Meldz -

      So nice of you to stop in!

      If you get a vacuum cleaner for Christmas, perhaps he may be hinting at something! lol Perhaps the gift certificates will find their way instead!

      Glad you enjoyed this! Many Thanks!

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      ignugent17 4 years ago

      This is very funny! I do hope my son- in- law will not read this. But I would gladly accept an all you can eat buffet certificate. :-)

      Thanks for the laughs.

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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      CrisSp -

      Good to see you!

      You've got to be careful reading these things at work. Laughter can be hazardous to your position! lol Really nice of you to come back and comment, and I'm happy you enjoyed this!

      Thanks for the read and votes! Much Appreciated!

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      I actually have read this Thursday night, if I'm not mistaken. I was at work then and didn't get the chance to comment although it was obvious that I was reading something not work related because I was laughing. There's definitely nothing funny on our on-line memos at work. Lol!

      This is so hilarious and thanks for not forgetting about the ladies.

      Up, funny and absolutely sharing the chuckles!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Jayme -

      So good of you to visit!

      I must say, you have the right ideas! lol I won't say "I dare you" as I don't want to be the blame for a future divorce. But, I see a trip to Victoria's Secrets in the future! : )

      Thanks for the kind comments! Greatly Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Mike -

      Good to see you!

      I like to think of it as friendly family revenge instead of mean. lol Kind of gives it a more homey feel. lol I'm just wishing on the photo. Wishing my wife hadn't of seen the posting, that is. She's really a wonderful woman. Just ask her! : )

      Glad you enjoyed! Thanks for dropping in!

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      Hilarious! I love these ideas. My in-laws are, how shall I say it? Stodgy? I think the adult videos would be just the ticket. What makes it even more fun? My husband's family only buys personalized gifts for the kids. The gifts for grown-ups are pooled we have to play "Dirty Santa" to get them. What could be more fitting than someone winning a gift box of dirty movies and sexy underwear while playing 'Dirty Santa?'.

      Thank you for making my shopping season look suddenly brighter with your wit!

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      There is nothing like a good mean streak. LOL Personally, "Nuff Said !!", I think you should take both of them.

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Julie -

      So good to see you!

      I think my right profile is probably better than my left, but my wife warns against walking behind me for some reason. Hmmm... still can't figure out why. lol No worries, I only attack the nameless unless they pick a fight. Then, anything is fair game! : ) I actually remember my father giving my mother a vacuum cleaner one year for Christmas. I was too young to remember her reaction, but I'm pretty sure she'd have preferred something else!

      Thanks for the comments! Much Appreciated!

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

      Rich, great advice which had me chuckling from beginning to end - I am making a mental note to stay on your good side :o) I am lucky because I have lovely in-laws so I give them nice gifts. I know how I would feel if I tore off the lovely paper and found a vacuum cleaner - oh yes I do - LIVID!

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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Paula -

      Good Morning!

      I'm humbled by your kind words, and enthused thinking about the holiday season you project! lol I fear for your in-laws, yet, relish in imagining their faces! Love the "it's the thought that counts!" Wish I'd have put that line in the hub! Glad you enjoyed!

      Thanks always for the fantastic comments! Greatly appreciate them!

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      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      rcrumple...This is not only hilarious genius....it's just what I need to be dastardly this Christmas......Hey...this brings new meaning to the expression, "It's the thought that counts.".......Draw your own conclusions, IN-LAW!!...or is that outlaw?

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Nell -

      So good of you to stop by!

      Christmas Party! I've been invited to a Christmas Party! I've been invited to a Christmas Party! A Christmas Party! Oh ... there's no party. Oh well, the story of my life. lol It would be a blast indeed, my dear! Really happy you enjoyed this one!

      Thanks so for the comments! (Nothing like getting the hopes up and dropping them like an anvil. : ) ) Really appreciate them!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      Haha! love it! oh please come to my christmas party, you would make it the best one yet! lol! wish I was having a party, and loads of people, the fun I could have after reading this! great stuff richard!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Jeannie -

      So good to see you back! Had wondered how you'd weathered the storm.

      You're a woman after my heart! lol I, too, have very deserving relatives of some of these. I was simply holding that back as a Christmas surprise for them! : )

      Glad you enjoyed this and commented! Many Thanks!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Oh, this is deliciously evil. Forget about in-laws... I will give some of these gifts to my own family. Thanks for the suggestions!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Mary -

      You must've read my mind. I've been thinking about you and wondering what's going on. I was about to check and see if you've written anything as of late as I'm getting no notices of such.

      Really glad you enjoyed this! The Monday morning news is on a hiatus for now. I'm trying to decide what changes need to be made to it to draw more viewers and make it worthwhile.

      Thanks for commenting! Really good to see you again!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      I miss your Monday morning noose, but this made up for that! Funny Hub with some great ideas!

      I voted this UP, etc and will share and Pin.

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Lizzy -

      Good Morning!

      Me? Bad? Me? Lizzy, I would never be bad. Maybe a little sadistic, but never bad! : ) Glad the picture caught your attention. I couldn't forget my female readers now, could I? lol Good to see you smile again!

      Really appreciate your comments and votes! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Rasma -

      So good to see you!

      I have another Kleenex here if you'd like. lol I see either a Glade Mist Machine or a vacuum cleaner in the future for your sister-in-law, and months of fun ahead! : ) Really happy you liked this!

      Thanks for all you do! Highly Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Martin -

      Good of you to visit, my friend!

      I wonder how many started to copy the video only to find it Barbie in tights! lol Although the makers of South Park did something with puppets in their production of Team America that can't be forgotten, no matter how hard one tries! lol

      Thanks for stopping in and commenting! Much Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Devika -

      So nice to see you again!

      Good to see you smiling! Just some ideas for the Christmas Season ahead! lol Glad you enjoyed!

      Appreciate the comments! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      ishwaryaa22 -

      So good to see you again!

      I'll do my best to keep the laughs around. I'm humbled by your kind words.

      Really appreciate the votes and comments! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Ruchira -

      So good to see you!

      Just a few thoughts to get the Christmas spirit moving and the election thoughts behind us! Am pleased you like this!

      Thanks for the comments! Greatly Appreciated!

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      Ha, ha... Hahaha... Haha.... You're bad! Oh, you are BAD!! Loved it though.... Hehe! Excellent gift ideas, and great pictures, specially the one at the end ;)

      Love the massage palor one.... I have all brother in-laws, ahahahaha.... No, I won't do that to them! And then again ^_^

      Great work, Richy, voting up and awesome!

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      I can't stop wiping the tears that keep flowing with each laugh. OK got my breath back. lol I am sure glad my hubby and I have only one in-law in the family. That would be his son's wife. I will have him read this for ideas cause she certainly is not well liked by anyone especially his daughter who does not care at all for here sister-in-law. Hilarious pics and loved the videos. I saved Judy Garland for the last because that song always makes me cry. lol So passing on your wonderful ideas and on and on. Loved this and much enjoyed.

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Great stuff. I have given out some wild gifts, but never to my in-laws, because they were great. The gift that kept on giving was a Barbie Workout video disguised as a porno video. It was given as a gift 3 times that I know of.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Awesome ideas here and made me laugh you have said it all

    • ishwaryaa22 profile image

      Ishwaryaa Dhandapani 4 years ago from Chennai, India

      A very funny read! I enjoyed your hub from the start till the end! Keep your trademark humour going. Way to go!

      Thanks for SHARING. Funny & Interesting. Voted up

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

      Such a hilarious hub, Richard.

      Enjoyed it thoroughly.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      novascotiamiss -

      Nice of you to visit!

      Usually, they give me gift certificates to Best Buy, knowing that I'm a music and computer addict. lol It used to be gift cards to Target, but since I'm not a real fan of the store, I tended to send them back as birthday gifts! : ) Good to see you smile!

      Thanks for the comments! Greatly Appreciated!

    • novascotiamiss profile image

      novascotiamiss 4 years ago from Nova Scotia, Canada

      Ha, ha, ha. You must be very popular in your family! They will probably give you a ticket to the North Pole, valid over Christmas & the new year. By the way, what did you get last year?

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Sue -

      Really good to see you here!

      Some say "tis the elixir that calms the soul" or the "bitch" in this case! lol Happy you enjoyed this little hub!

      Thanks always for your support and all you do! Much Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Eileen -

      Good to see you here!

      Just a little something I was thinking about this morning. : ) Trying to get everyone in the holiday spirit and such! Happy you enjoyed it!

      Thanks for the read, votes and share! Greatly Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Beckie -

      Really good to see you!

      My wife has had to live with my humor for 33 years. She's grown accustomed to my twists and turns, and so has her family (as several of these have proven themselves to be effective, lol). Glad you liked this!

      Appreciate the comments! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
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      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Colin -

      So good to see you, sir!

      The present to myself is indeed a beautiful young woman. I remember my wife at that age, and quickly go back to the picture of the young lady and wish. lol So happy you enjoyed this!

      Thanks for commenting and sharing! Greatly Appreciated!