Melanie has a BS in physical science and is in grad school for analytics and modeling. Her research is in computational chemistry.
What follows is a growing compendium of chemistry jokes. Share some of these jokes with your labmates or chem friends, and maybe you'll get a reaction.
I initially decided to write jokes about the Periodic Table, but never really felt I was in my element.
Did you know that you can lower your body temperature to -273 °C and be perfectly 0K?
Organic chemists talking about d-orbitals is cultural appropriation at its worst.
Q: Why do chemistry students do well when working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you may as well barium.
Two atoms are walking down the street.
One of them shouts, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other inquires, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
The best thing about learning equilibrium is that nothing changes.
Learning about electrons is exciting. They bring chemistry to a whole new level.
ROOOXANNNE, you don't have to emit electromagnetic radiation with a wavelength of approximately 620-750 nanometers.
Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
Every dipole has their moment.
Girl, do u have 67 protons? Cuz u a Ho.
The Silver Surfer and Iron Man should team up, they’d be great alloys.
Two electrons are sitting in a jail cell.
One asks, "What are you in for?"
The other replies, "For attempting a forbidden transition."
Two people walk into a bar.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too."
The second one died.
I would tell another chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.
Chemists never die, they just stop reacting.
Q: If H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, What is H2O4?
Q: What's a pirate's favorite element? (your victim may assume "arrrrgon".)
Q: Why didn't the chemist enjoy doing chromatography?
A: He got separation anxiety.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
Caution: Wet Floor
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.
Q: Why did the bear dissolve in water?
A: Because it was polar.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.
Q: How can you spot a chemist in the bathroom?
A: They wash their hands before they use the toilet.
Q: What is the chemical formula for diarrhea?
Think of your favorite 90's band, then pick a card
What band did you think of?
"Ace of Base"
Now look at your card
I studied exothermic reactions before they were cool.
When I learned how many electrons an oxygen atom needs to fill its first orbital, I was like :O
Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They always have a solution.
yo momma so ugly not even fluorine would bond w her.
Q: How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
A: He picked up his beaker before it was cool.
Q: Why aren't chemists ever able to prank their friends?
A: Because they lack the element of surprise.
Carbon and a hydrogen went on a date. They really bonded.
Entropy just isn't what it used to be.
Q: What's the fastest Noble gas?
I must be an exothermic reaction because I'm running out of energy.
I've been reading this book about Helium, I just can't put it down!
Q: What kind of dog does a chemist have?
A: Laboratory retrievers
Would a mole of moles collapse on its own weight and become a black mole?
Chemistry Cat doesn't have 9 lives. He has 18 half-lives.
Learning about electrons can be Bohr'ing.
Q: How does a physical chemist wash their glassware?
A: They get an organic chemist to do it.
Q: Why does the army use acid?
A: To neutralize the enemy base.
Chemistry jokes are funny periodically, but these physics jokes have more potential.
If you have any good chemistry jokes, please share them in the comments below!
© 2016 Melanie
Phyzzi on April 23, 2019:
I tried telling the jokes about neon to my friends but got no reaction. It was a noble effort though.
Suman budania on April 09, 2019:
Very funny and nice.....
Tim Truzy from U.S.A. on April 02, 2019:
Loved it. These are really funny. I have afew chemists friends and I think I will try some of these.
Have a great day, Melanie.
Joe Matteson on May 01, 2018:
Why did the chemist put his back tooth in a beaker of water?
He was trying to make a one molar solution.
Bronwen Scott-Branagan from Victoria, Australia on November 06, 2016:
Ha! That was fun, especially some of them. Really enjoyed it, but I don't think I have any to add.
Suhail Zubaid aka Clark Kent from Mississauga, ON on November 06, 2016:
The best ever!
We want more of those jokes, Melanie.
Mary Wickison from Brazil on November 06, 2016:
I should have studied more in my chemistry classes as some of these went over my head.
What can you expect, I accidentally set fire to the chemistry lab.
Love this collection though.
Rochelle Frank from California Gold Country on November 05, 2016:
I remember my chemistry teacher drawing a diagram on the chalkboard
with several iron molecules (Fe) linked in a circular fashion-- when no one could guess what it was he told us it was a Ferris wheel.