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Fine I'll Read It!: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (Satire)

So a couple of bros of mine decided to buy me this NERD crap for a laugh so I decided to read this LAME trilogy and make a post about it.

How many names this guy got? Three letters? C'mon man!

How many names this guy got? Three letters? C'mon man!

The Lame Plot

Yeah so like I said these books follow a bunch of weirdos as they attempt to stop some evil "dark lord" from returning and killing everyone. Which yeah on paper sounds super metal but then you get through it and the dude is just like a flaming eye or something and everyone keeps singing? Like what is this Broadway or something?! I mean the stuff is well written and all but I need more action! Why is Frodo just a little guy without shoes? Make him Jacked like Vin diesel and have him fight his way into Mordor man! When I read this book in less than two days straight under my blanket I was all like "So booooring" you know? Especially on my second and third read. Like whatever, This book is stupid.

Themes

Yeah I guess stories can have Themes, I mean I think they are for sissy thinkers though. I have no idea how they matter when you can just have awesome actions scenes and sex with ladies. Anyways I barely get what it was trying to say through all the crying these dudes were doing, I guess maybe something about Power corrupting good dudes. Like my bro Boromir who got done dirty cause he just wanted to use that ring for his people, like I get you dude! Or like Gandalf saying how he knew he would try to do the right thing but it would corrupt him too. Like okay sure but what am I supposed to get from that? That any man when faced with a power like that may always face corruption no matter how pure his intentions? whatever bro. Not like I've spent several nights thinking about that or whatever. Wish this book would just show some more orcs getting popped!

My dude Gandalf straight gangsta

My dude Gandalf straight gangsta

Worth reading?

Yeah, I mean. I'm on my 6th read through and I guess I can see the appeal. I mean, it's possible those nerds that read this during high school while I was partying it up had something pretty amazing on there hands. But yeah me and my bros are starting a sick book club or whatever and Chad told me some movies were made about this. So I'm super stoked to see my favorites like Gandalf, Aragorn and Tom Bombadil on the big screen!

I want to go on an adventure.

I want to go on an adventure.

Final Thoughts

I mean it was cool, I guess. I don't really get why it's hailed as such an important thing. Like so what if it is rich with positive examples of masculinity and love that if I would of read it when I was younger I would of not become such a trash human being, like whatever man! Yeah it weaves layers of beautiful and fascinating history within a story built out of granite. Where at the heart it shows that the smallest creature can have the biggest impact in the world when faced with what feels like an overwhelming disparity. Feeling both a sense of child like wonder yet the stern realism of the modern world in three perfect novels. Why am I crying again!?!



Yeah anyways. Maybe worth checking out.

© 2022 Buddy Grah

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