A Cough Syrup That Really Works

Updated on January 3, 2019
GerryRigley profile image

This is just a spoof article as to how the Romans might have found a remedy for the common cough

Cough syrup

The scene

A Roman Senators heated discussion.

Julius Interuptus is trying to get his point across, but is hampered by the constant coughing coming from the other side of the room.

“Senator Cophius, In the name of the goddess Soothus, if you don’t stop that infernal noise I’ll have you banned to the farthest part of our empire”

“My (cough) sincere (cough) apologies (cough, cough) its this infernal (cough) irritation, deep (cough) down in my (cough) throat. I’ve had it ever (cough, cough) since my return (cough, cough) from conquering those terrible Gauls.

“Then you will have to see Senator Meltius, he has perfected a new remedy to rid the body of irritating germs. Guard, send for Senator Ticklius and ask that he bring his son Meltius to the emporium with his new soothing Linctus”

Moments later the guard re-appears escorting Senator Meltius carrying a large beaker clearly labelled Meltus Soothing Liquid.

“Aah, Meltius and not a moment too soon, be good enough to allow that infernal Cophius to have a draft of your new serum”

Meltius goes to Cophius and pours a generous helping of the syrup from the beaker and allows Cophius to drink it down.

Initially Cophius has a look of total disgust at having to take what he thinks will be a foul tasting liquid, but as soon as he takes the first sip his expression turns to pleasure and he gulps the rest down in one swallow handing the beaker back with a flourish and a loud Aah exclamation.

“By the gods, that is truly an elixir from the gods themselves. I implore you to send it speedily to all corners of our empire so that others may feel its benefits”


Questions & Answers

    © 2019 Gerry Rigley


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      • PoetikalyAnointed profile image


        6 months ago from US

        Very funny lol!

        I'd imagine that the scene set here would unfold similarly!

        My question is, why does cough medicine taste so bad?


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