“Real” answers given by students in exam tests. True or False. What’s not to like. Feel free to laugh, snigger, or cringe.
No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000’s of websites. I just put them all together for your amusement. Individual use is by implied consent.
1. Sam has 36 chocolate bars and eats 29. What does Sam have now?
Diabetes. Sam has Diabetes
2. What is a fibula?
A little lie
3. CAUSE: Tony practices the piano for 20 minutes everyday.
EFFECT: Tony is a big nerd
4. Name six animals that live in the Arctic.
Two Polar Bears and Four Seals
5. What did Mahatma Ghandi and Genghis Khan have in common?
6. What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?
7. Steve is driving his car. He is travelling at 60feet/second and the speed limit is 40mph. Is Steve speeding?
He could find out by checking his speedometer
8. What is a vibration?
There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. Good vibrations were discovered in the 1960’s
9. Assess House Fashions plc chooses to locate its factory near Birmingham. Is Birmingham the right type of place for this business?
No. People from Birmingham aren’t very fashionable
10. Why are there rings on Saturn?
Because God liked it so much he put a ring on it (teacher – Saturn was NOT a single lady)
11. Tapeworms are Hermaphrodites. What is meant by the term “Hermaphrodite”?
12. To change centimetres to meters you_____
Take out centi
13. Briefly explain what hard water is.
14. What ended in 1896?
15. What is the strongest force on earth?
16. What do we call the science of classifying living things?
17. Describe a situation in which people share something and everyone benefits.
18. I earn money at home by________________
I don’t. I’m a free loader
19. An engineer designed an ocean liner that that could extract heat from the ocean’s water. He though he had a good idea, but his boss fired him. Why?
Because he slept with his Boss’s wife
20. The first cells were probably…?
21. Miranda can’t see anything when she looks down her microscope. Suggest one reason why not.
Miranda is blind
22. PROBLEM: You fell in the playground and scratched your knee. SOLUTION____
Get up and deal with it
23. During what stage do the chromosomes line up in the middle of the cell?
It’s a secret (teacher – No Way!)
24. In which state do the particles show the most movement?
25. In which state do the particles show the least movement?
26. What are the three things you want to do in the future?
1. Get a girlfriend
2. Kiss her
3. Rule the World
27. What is your favourite hue?
Jackman (teacher – Clever!)
28. In a word describe school.
29. A child swallows a cleaning product, why is milk often given?
To make them happy before they die
30. How would you make a marriage work?
Tell your wife she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck
31. If I am late for class I will_______
Burst into class and comment on Mr Thomas’ moustache
Blush and say thanks
32. What do you think is the best solution to over population?
The Hunger Games
33. Imagine that you lived at the same time as Abraham Lincoln. What would you say to him or ask him?
I would tell him not to go to a play ever
34. Why might living close to a Mobile Phone mast cause ill health?
You might walk into it
35. How does Romeos character develop throughout the play?
It doesn’t... It’s just self, self, self, all the way through.
36. Explain the phrase “free press”.
When your mum irons your trousers
37. What did you learn about Earth day that you didn’t already know? In what situation might this new information be useful?
I did not know Earth Day was 22nd April. It might be useful in a Trivia Game.
38. Explain the “Pauli Exclusion Principle”.
No parrots allowed
39. What belongs to you but is used by your friends more than you?
40. Where have you smelt burned fat before?
At the Gym
41. What is the main reason for divorce?
42. Why is Mars called the Red Planet?
Because it’s Red
43. I like Mrs Edwards. She is my teacher. I like when she does Meth (sic) with us
44. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be Michael Jordan when I grow up___________ What do you need to do to achieve your dreams?
1. Get bigger
2. Shave my head
3. Be black
45. Name one popular Queen.
46. Write the first and second laws of Thermodynamics.
First rule of Thermodynamics is that you do not talk about Thermodynamics
Second rule of Thermodynamics is that you do not talk about Thermodynamics
47. How might Colombia solve the problem of Guerrillas trying to control the country?
If a country can’t figure it out how can I
48. A 3v mobile phone is charged using a 240v supply. What kind of transformer is this?
49. What is a stand-alone computer system?
One that doesn’t come with a chair
50. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in your other hand what would you have?
Very large hands