The Funniest Exam Paper Answers

Updated on January 28, 2020

“Real” answers given by students in exam tests. True or False. What’s not to like. Feel free to laugh, snigger, or cringe.

No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000’s of websites. I just put them all together for your amusement. Individual use is by implied consent.

1. Sam has 36 chocolate bars and eats 29. What does Sam have now?

Diabetes. Sam has Diabetes

2. What is a fibula?

A little lie

3. CAUSE: Tony practices the piano for 20 minutes everyday.

EFFECT: Tony is a big nerd

4. Name six animals that live in the Arctic.

Two Polar Bears and Four Seals

5. What did Mahatma Ghandi and Genghis Khan have in common?

Unusual names

6. What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?

Mariah Carey

7. Steve is driving his car. He is travelling at 60feet/second and the speed limit is 40mph. Is Steve speeding?

He could find out by checking his speedometer

8. What is a vibration?

There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. Good vibrations were discovered in the 1960’s

9. Assess House Fashions plc chooses to locate its factory near Birmingham. Is Birmingham the right type of place for this business?

No. People from Birmingham aren’t very fashionable

10. Why are there rings on Saturn?

Because God liked it so much he put a ring on it (teacher – Saturn was NOT a single lady)

11. Tapeworms are Hermaphrodites. What is meant by the term “Hermaphrodite”?

Lady Gaga

12. To change centimetres to meters you_____

Take out centi

13. Briefly explain what hard water is.


14. What ended in 1896?


15. What is the strongest force on earth?


16. What do we call the science of classifying living things?


17. Describe a situation in which people share something and everyone benefits.


18. I earn money at home by________________

I don’t. I’m a free loader

19. An engineer designed an ocean liner that that could extract heat from the ocean’s water. He though he had a good idea, but his boss fired him. Why?

Because he slept with his Boss’s wife

20. The first cells were probably…?


21. Miranda can’t see anything when she looks down her microscope. Suggest one reason why not.

Miranda is blind

22. PROBLEM: You fell in the playground and scratched your knee. SOLUTION____

Get up and deal with it

23. During what stage do the chromosomes line up in the middle of the cell?

It’s a secret (teacher – No Way!)

24. In which state do the particles show the most movement?


25. In which state do the particles show the least movement?

New Jersey

26. What are the three things you want to do in the future?

1. Get a girlfriend

2. Kiss her

3. Rule the World

27. What is your favourite hue?

Jackman (teacher – Clever!)

28. In a word describe school.


29. A child swallows a cleaning product, why is milk often given?

To make them happy before they die

30. How would you make a marriage work?

Tell your wife she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck

31. If I am late for class I will_______

Burst into class and comment on Mr Thomas’ moustache

He will__________

Blush and say thanks

32. What do you think is the best solution to over population?

The Hunger Games

33. Imagine that you lived at the same time as Abraham Lincoln. What would you say to him or ask him?

I would tell him not to go to a play ever

34. Why might living close to a Mobile Phone mast cause ill health?

You might walk into it

35. How does Romeos character develop throughout the play?

It doesn’t... It’s just self, self, self, all the way through.

36. Explain the phrase “free press”.

When your mum irons your trousers

37. What did you learn about Earth day that you didn’t already know? In what situation might this new information be useful?

I did not know Earth Day was 22nd April. It might be useful in a Trivia Game.

38. Explain the “Pauli Exclusion Principle”.

No parrots allowed

39. What belongs to you but is used by your friends more than you?

Your Mama

40. Where have you smelt burned fat before?

At the Gym

41. What is the main reason for divorce?


42. Why is Mars called the Red Planet?

Because it’s Red

43. I like Mrs Edwards. She is my teacher. I like when she does Meth (sic) with us

44. What do you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be Michael Jordan when I grow up___________ What do you need to do to achieve your dreams?

1. Get bigger

2. Shave my head

3. Be black

45. Name one popular Queen.

Freddie Mercury

46. Write the first and second laws of Thermodynamics.

First rule of Thermodynamics is that you do not talk about Thermodynamics

Second rule of Thermodynamics is that you do not talk about Thermodynamics

47. How might Colombia solve the problem of Guerrillas trying to control the country?

If a country can’t figure it out how can I

48. A 3v mobile phone is charged using a 240v supply. What kind of transformer is this?

Optimus Prime

49. What is a stand-alone computer system?

One that doesn’t come with a chair

50. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in your other hand what would you have?

Very large hands


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