5 People I Would Like to Thank
I would like to pay tribute to some of the unsung heroes in our lives. Their hard work often goes left unnoticed...until today. There are five kinds of people that I would like to sing their praises and leave them feeling like they matter a little bit more.
1. The Baker
It's the end of the school year. We are all tired, burned out, but, nevertheless, we still need to celebrate our accomplishments. A sign-up sheet comes around. It stares me in the face. I hem and haw. This is the year I'll bake something. I'll try the new recipe I saw online. The party planner stares at me, waiting. Beats of sweat start forming on my forehead. The pressure starts getting me. I can't do it. I sign up for the utensils or napkins and hang my head in shame.
But you, Oh Baker of Brownies and Banana Breads, you show up to the party carrying your Calphalon cookware with a homemade dish inside and a smile plastered on your face like it was your pleasure. You never fail. Without you, Master of Mixing, the bash no longer is a smorgasbord of cutlery. I thank you for your perseverance to slave away in the kitchen and bring your creations to share with us all. Thanks to your endless dedication to the sign-up sheet, Office Christmas Exchanges, Graduation Parties, End of the Year Bashes, Judy's Retirement Get Together, Company Picnics are all just a little bit less painful to endure as we nibble on your Macaroni Salad and 7-Layered Dip.
2. The Talker
Thank you, one with the gift of glib. You fill awkward silences with your ability to chat about any topic. Small talk is your specialty. Weather? No problem. Politics? You got it. Forming connections and breaking the ice? Check. A dinner party? The whole evening rests on your shoulders, Oh Connoisseur of Conversation. You turn any idle prattle into fun and laughter. The whole room breathes a sigh of relief when they see you walk into the room and rescue us from Lame Larry's boring chatter about his kids' achievements and Irene Italy's 100th time mentioning that she has been to Rome and tasted their wine. We know you don't get the recognition you deserve for carrying the team to yet another a victory of great conversation and social success. You perform time and time again. Without you, the cacophony of clanking silverware and droning air conditioning would prevail. And with that we thank you, Oh Master of the Mouth.
Handclaps all around to you, Ruler of Reviews. You grace your presence all over Yelp, Amazon, and Google with your ratings and reviews. No product or place high or low, far or near goes left unscathed without you leaving us your dignified opinion. While the rest of us take, take, take and never give, give, give, we rely on your knowledge and expertise to guide us into purchasing that Amazon product, booking that AirBnb, dining at that establishment. While you may get picked on for having "too much time on your hands" for crafting a 5 paragraph poignant essay on your experience at the local bar down the road, we humbly thank you for pointing out that the tables were too sticky and the decor too loud. Oh Sovereign of the 1-5 Stars, we would be lost sheep without you, forced to try everything on our own and to dive into the abyss of unknown. And for that we sing your praises.
Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram can all be dark places filled with their vitriol and hate, but thanks to our next honoree the world gets a little bit brighter, and we smile just a little bit more. Thank you, Oh God (dess) of Gifs and Mogul of Memes for your creations. We were down in the dumps after reading Karen's diatribe about how much she hates men and Liberal Linda's dissertation on our current political state, but, lo' and behold, our weak and tired fingers scroll down a little more only to be graced by your hilarity. It's all thanks to you that we are all still holding on to our social media platforms by a thread. Your witticism and creativity to turn any picture into a punchline is truly astounding. You brought us Condescending Wonka, Grumpy Cat, Hey Girl Ryan, and that skeptical, cute, funny kid from somewhere in African. Without you, Oh Liege of Laughter, we would all be sad sacks staring zombie eyed at our screens but thanks to you we now can give a slight chuckle amongst all the groans and sighs. We tip our hats to you.
Also known as "The Martha," we would all like to give a collective shout out to you, Oh Ruler of Replenishment. In the Bible, that "B," Mary, gets all the credit for sitting and listening to Jesus and whatever. That's cool and all, but thanks to you we never have to worry about stocking up on toilet paper, scouring the house for clean clothes, or searching high and low for a clean dish. You just get it done like magic. It's unfair that your get labeled as Type A when all you really are doing is caring about the needs of others. Thanks to you, Monarch of More, when we reach for our glass of water, it's always bursting at the brim with ice cold water, sparing us from gurgling on our ice like peasants. We thank you for your efforts in just getting shit done and leaving the glory to ol' Mary over there.